It’s mental health awareness week and Katharine Hill from Care for the Family has helpful advice for Christian parents wanting to think through the impact of social media on the wellbeing of their youth and children.
When 15-year-old Anna decides to embark on a fitness regime, she soon discovers social-media posts offering nutrition advice. Embracing her new healthy lifestyle enthusiastically, she begins sharing her progress online. Within weeks, she finds herself scrolling through dieting regimens. As well as working out at the gym, she begins limiting her food intake. Her social media use quickly spirals from anorexia and bulimia sites onto pages promoting self-harm.
Jonty came across porn while at a friend’s house. He is surprised by how excited and aroused the images make him feel. Back at home, in the secrecy of his bedroom, he steals another look, and soon it becomes a daily ritual. Before long, he finds himself seeking out more and more extreme content—it seems to be taking over his life. He feels imprisoned by the habit, but he can’t stop.
Saanvi is thrilled to get a smartphone for her birthday. Now, at last, she can be part of the crowd. But that night, curled up under her duvet in the darkness and scrolling through the shiny posts and messages, she feels more isolated and lonelier than ever before. She stifles a sob as she thinks how boring her life is and how unattractive she is compared to the other girls.
Technology forms the wallpaper of our lives, and while we need to be aware of the dangers, it is worth reminding ourselves that there is a plus side. The online world opens the door to new friendships and communities and can provide social support, particularly for those who are on the margins. There have even been reports of an increasing number of young people exploring questions of faith after coming across Bible verses on TikTok and references to spirituality online.
we can encourage our children to raise their gaze and to know that their worth doesn’t rely on the number of likes or followers they have, but on the fact that they have a Father in heaven who loves and accepts them for who He made them to be
Technology may not be all bad, but it is powerful. Reports link it to a litany of concerns, including attention disorders, poor concentration span, addiction, sleep deprivation, and loneliness—together with their twin bedfellows, anxiety and depression.
Perhaps then it’s not surprising that many parents are feeling anxious and at a loss when navigating tech in the home. Seeking to put clear boundaries in place to protect our children can feel an uphill struggle—and it is, for the simple reason that we are not on a level playing field. There are some powerful forces at play.
The attention economy
The most sought-after commodity today is no longer gold, oil, or precious metals but attention—our attention—and tech companies are investing billions to get it. Their goal is to incentivise and maximise the time that we—and our children—give them.
In Ofcom’s 2024 Media Lives report, 14-year-old Niamh, who spends around three and a half hours a day watching makeup tutorials and travel-related content on TikTok, describes the platform as “addictive.” And 16-year-old William says, “You go on it for five minutes, and then you end up scrolling for two hours. It’s just addictive—once you get scrolling you just keep on doing it; I don’t know what it is about it.”
The algorithm
In answer to William’s question: what it’s about is one of the most powerful mechanisms at play—the algorithm. This refers to a set of inbuilt commands encoded to achieve specific goals. The tech companies’ goal is to make money by retaining the user’s attention, so they offer more and more extreme content on the topic of interest. I don’t imagine I’m alone in having experienced the pressure. Having clicked on a link offering “mascara tips for women over 50,” I found myself inundated with posts offering tips to banish wrinkles and other beauty “enhancements” for the “older woman”! The bombardment can feel relentless, and if that’s the case for us as mature adults, how much more likely are our less-experienced children to fall prey to this powerful onslaught?
Read more:
Are smartphones rewiring my kid’s brain?
Helping your teen navigate Snapchat: A Christian parent’s guide to helping them flourish online
Beyond the endless scroll: Protecting your teen’s heart on TikTok
It has been said that “peer approval is the oxygen of adolescence,” and the snowball effect of algorithms on social media plays directly into our young people’s need for approval by heightening social comparison and increasing anxiety.
We might be tempted to feel an overwhelming sense of helplessness as we watch our child, smartphone in hand, spiralling into anxiety and despair. But nothing could be further from the truth! As parents, there is much we can do to limit the harmful influence of social media and excessive screen time in our children’s lives.
These five principles are a good place to start:
- Be intentional - Agree on consistent, age-appropriate boundaries for tech use in the home. Consider where and when devices can be used to break the “screen-time-is-any-time” mentality. One tip to significantly improve wellbeing is to buy a multi-charger and keep devices out of bedrooms at night.
- Be together - Agree on boundaries together as a family (everyone gets a say!) and consider coordinating with other parents. If possible, try to agree on similar guidelines for phone use on playdates or sleepovers and decide together when to buy a child their first phone (and whether it needs to be a smartphone).
- Be an example - It’s worth reminding ourselves that we are role models for our children. If the first thing we do when coming home from work is check our emails; if we always take or make phone calls when we collect them from school; if we spend their swimming lesson, netball match, or football tournament checking Instagram—they notice. They don’t miss a thing, and they take their cue from us!
- Be positive - Take advantage of all the positive ways in which technology can enrich family life. Even if admiring their latest Minecraft creation or TikTok dance video isn’t our idea of heaven, we can still get involved in our children’s online activity—just as we engage with their LEGO, ballet, scouts, or sport. Encourage them to unfollow people and delete posts that promote comparison and dissatisfaction, and instead to focus on positive content that brings life.
- Be mindful - However many social-media posts drip-feed the message that they aren’t “enough,” however many images or fake-news reports distort the truth, and however lonely or anxious technology may make them feel—as their parents, there are things we can do to make a difference and help grow emotional wellbeing in our children’s lives.
Paul writes to the church at Philippi: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Ultimately, we can encourage our children to raise their gaze and to know that their worth doesn’t rely on the number of likes or followers they have, but on the fact that they have a Father in heaven who loves and accepts them for who He made them to be.
