Rachael Newham helps Christian parents think through the biblical idea of shalom and its role in the well-being of our children
As Christian parents, we’re probably used to wanting to find out what the Bible has to say about the issues facing us and our families. We want to use scripture to help us navigate the world, and whilst sometimes we can easily see what the Bible has to say on a topic (there is an abundance of wisdom on navigating conflict well, for example), at other times it can be a little trickier.
This is, I think, the case when it comes to mental health and wellbeing—not least because we don’t see the phrase used in scripture! But the good news is, the concept is alive and well from Genesis to Revelation through the Hebrew word shalom, which can be translated as wholeness and wellbeing, but also extends to friendship, salvation, and justice.
What is shalom?
Shalom is our vision of what positive mental health looks like—and it’s a whole-society affair, spanning our relationships with one another and politics, being rooted in who God is and who God says we are. We see this in Genesis, where shalom is on full display in Eden, as Adam and Eve enjoy the fullness of relationship with one another and with God. The Bible is clear that we were not made to flourish alone. They live within the boundaries of Eden, enjoy nourishing food and beautiful surroundings, and live free from shame.
Why do we not experience shalom now?
In our fallen world, we don’t get to experience shalom in its fullness, but we can have glimmers of it. In our families, it might be how we create boundaries and nourish ourselves and our children. It might look like making space for beauty in our homes or gardens—by picking daisies, decorating for celebrations like Christmas and Easter, and being willing to serve our churches and communities in ways that are possible.
Unfortunately, we know the next chapter of the story, and humanity does not remain whole. But even as God expels Adam and Eve from the garden, he provides them with “garments of skin” which cover their newfound shame as they are left to make a new life. Shame lies at the heart of much mental distress—and even in this place, God is with us. It’s a beautiful reminder that although humanity rejected God, He never rejects us.
We see this throughout the story of scripture, where God’s people desperately seek a home to settle in, lose it, and then find themselves exiled from their promised land. In many ways, exile can be used as an image of poor mental well-being; the sense of isolation and loss of identity are things that anyone who has struggled with their mental health will recognise.
So what can be done?
The good news is that even in the hopelessness of exile, God invites His people to cry out to Him in lament—to bring what hurts before Him so that He can comfort them. It’s an invitation that extends to us today when we are in distress. We are not just permitted to cry out to God—we are encouraged to!
As parents, we can use scripture to show our children that their emotions are natural and matter to God
We’re often very good at crying out (and our children even more so!)—in anger, despair, or pain—but finding ways to do this, to take those feelings to God, can be a challenge. In my own home, I often find myself saying, “Emotions aren’t bad, but (throwing/shouting/hitting) aren’t good ways to show that we’re angry,” and then attempt (heavy on the attempt) to redirect those big feelings by scribbling or stamping and telling one another (and God) about what’s wrong. It might be helpful to use the church year—seasons like Advent and Lent—to talk about God coming to be in the darkness with us, or to draw on the ritual of Ash Wednesday.
The shalom that Jesus brings
God’s care for our mental health doesn’t end in lament, however. It continues as he sends his Son Jesus to experience human emotions first-hand. Through Jesus’ incarnation, we are shown that there is no emotion we face that has not been faced by our Saviour. Jesus experienced grief at the death of Lazarus, anger at the misuse of the temple, and the deepest anguish in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before he was crucified.
And yet, throughout his highs and lows, Jesus did not sin, he remained connected to his Father and didn’t allow his emotions to push him to sin. Experiencing emotions is not sinful, even though sometimes our emotions lead us to sin.
Jesus didn’t just come so that he could empathise with us, though; He came to bring hope to our hopelessness and meet us in our sorrows, promising to be with us in all we face “until the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).
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And he does this by sending the Holy Spirit to be our helper and comforter. Paul writes in his letter to the Romans (Romans 8:26), “The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” This is a gift to anyone who doesn’t know what to pray—for themselves or their children—in the midst of mental distress. We don’t need to know the “right” things to say to God about our emotions; we are met by the Spirit in whatever we’re experiencing.
The promise does not end with the Spirit helping us endure our mental pain and suffering, but with the assurance that one day it will be no more. The shalom that Adam and Eve experienced will be ours to share again when heaven and earth are made new. John writes in Revelation 21:4, “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” This promise is a beautiful reminder that throughout scripture, there is a vision for what mental health can look like, how we can meet God when we’re faced with challenges, and ultimately an assurance that we can look forward to a day when we will experience the fullness of shalom and the end of grief and sadness.
As parents, we can use scripture to show our children that their emotions are natural and matter to God, as well as to cast a vision for a future where our tears will be wiped away—something we can all hold onto, especially when times are tough.
