Life isn’t a fairy tale, so let’s raise our kids with realistic faith

The fairy tales we read to our children when they were small all ended the same way ‘…and they all lived happily ever after.’ Thoroughly satisfying, it ties up all the loose ends leaving us with a warm glow of hope and expectation that real life will be the same.

Now we can all testify from our experiences that life is definitely not all ‘happily ever after’ but how can we help out children grow up with a balanced realistic set of expectations about life?

I have friends who are like Tigger from Winnie-the-Pooh: optimistic, enthusiastic, always ready to embrace change and challenges with the expectation of a positive outcome. Others are more like Eeyore: pessimists who believe the worst-case scenarios; for them, everything’s bleak.

Just because we’re followers of Jesus, we’re not immune from the difficulties of living in this fallen world

Regardless of where we live on that spectrum, it’s irrelevant if we’re living within a Kingdom mind set and outlook where our expectations come from revelation of Jesus and His word.

Biblical examples show us that expectations can come from pessimism/unbelief (ten of the twelve Israelite spies who didn’t believe God’s promise to overcome giants in the land in Numbers 13:26–31), presumption (those who decided they’d go up after all having seen their compatriots punished, but without consulting God and were subsequently destroyed themselves in Numbers14:36–45) or from God-given faith (Joshua’s battle plan for taking Jericho in Joshua 6).

Jesus lived completely in tune with His heavenly Father and, consequently, lived according to the expectations of the revelation He was given. He endured the cross with all its suffering, shame and death – why? Hebrews 12:2 says it was, ‘For the joy set before Him.’ There was something the other side of death which He knew would be worth it.

It’s only in the face of difficulties that our faith is proved genuine, our spiritual muscle exercised and our foundations tested

Jesus was very clear: ‘In this world you will have trouble’ (John 16:33), so we should help our children to be unsurprised when life isn’t a smooth ride. Just because we’re followers of Jesus, we’re not immune from the difficulties of living in this fallen world. Giving Jesus precedence in our life isn’t an insurance policy against trials, a lucky charm against disaster, or a spiritual ‘Get out of jail free’ card.

If we were to give our lives to Christ and instantly be wrapped in divine cotton wool, safe from the sorrows and strains of life, we would have little to say to the people amongst whom we live. Our faith would only be relevant to the good times. Alternatively, it might be transactional: I give God rule of my life, He gives me cast iron protection from anything and everything which could rob me of comfort – financial, medical, social etc. It’s only in the face of difficulties that our faith is proved genuine, our spiritual muscle exercised and our foundations tested.

It’s important to remember that Jesus went on to say: ‘But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ We haven’t been left alone to navigate life on our own. Jesus promises to walk with us through every experience – even in ‘the valley of the shadow of death’ (Psalm 23:4). He just doesn’t promise that the outcome will be the ideal one we imagined or hoped.

Faith-filled disciples who understand God’s purposes are committed to following Him whatever lies ahead

Paul also tells Timothy that ’everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted’ (2 Timothy 3:12). John the Baptist, Peter, Paul and Timothy all saw the inside of a prison. Most of the disciples died a martyrs’ death. Paul was executed after his incarceration in a Roman jail.

Hebrews 11 is a catalogue of giants in the faith who didn’t all live to see what they had been promised. Verse 13 says, ‘They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth.’

Countless individuals have done great works for God in the past. Even now, believers are languishing in prisons around the world; some have been tortured, others killed for their faith; some must keep it secret from their families; many are ostracised and victimised. God never guaranteed that suffering in multiple forms would be avoided for us. We need to be careful, how we talk to our kids about these issues of course, we can’t be insensitive to their age and stage but as they grow, we should not hide the realities of the persecuted church from them.

Read more: 

6 ways to help children pray for the persecuted Church

Both optimism and pessimism are irrelevant in the Kingdom of God. Faith-filled disciples who understand God’s purposes are committed to following Him whatever lies ahead; they trust that His plans will be worked out even if we don’t live to see it. We can be sure that on the way, God will keep His promise to be with us always.

Doing ‘the right thing’ is no guarantee for a ‘happy ever after’ ending, but then we’re not living in a fairy tale. Let’s keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying to us as we keep in step with Him. Jesus’ status as Lord is unchanging, whether life is kind or cruel, and He will sustain us throughout if we keep leaning into Him.

Paul tells us that, ‘suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope’ (Romans 5:4). Being soaked in God’s love offsets everything else.

Let’s not only embrace that but ensure that our children understand it and see it modelled in us, continuing to stir up both their faith and ours as we pursue Jesus with passion, fortitude and consistency, trusting Him with every outcome in this life and in the promised one to come.