4 things for Christian parents to consider in prom season

For many years the only experience I had of a school prom was through John Hughes’ American High School movies like, Pretty in Pink (1986) or Ten Things I Hate About You (1999). Classic films, they dealt with the social chasm between rich kids and poor kids, and the dilemma over what to wear and the kudos of who to go with. Still brilliant in their genre but firmly fixed in their time.

you don’t have to pay the earth for your child’s prom unless you want to

School proms didn’t feature in my rites of passage, but the tradition started to be adopted as my children rose through secondary school. Each of my three daughters came to it with their own personalities embedded in the occasion. One purchased a dress that was, frankly, overpriced but looked lovely; one was not into girly dresses but had seen a picture of something on social media which she deemed acceptable. We brought the fabric and a kind seamstress friend did the rest, producing a one-of-a-kind outfit which, paired with big boots, was effortlessly striking. The third daughter recalls buying something in a Top Shop sale for something between £10-£20. I recollect my son wearing a smart suit he already owned, though he may have borrowed a cummerbund and matching bow tie to up the style ante.

All of this goes to show you don’t have to pay the earth for your child’s prom unless you want to. Like most social occasions you can find costs spiralling if you choose to have professional hair and make-up included or select a mode of transport to impress the class, which probably demands a heavy outlay.

The movies have given us a false picture of the expectations of a prom night

As proms have become part of the inevitable end of term activities, it’s a good idea to consider how you and your children want to approach them.

Some won’t want to go at all which may delight you but, at the same time, that means they could be missing out on a great party and the opportunity to socialise with their friends one last time, where there is plentiful adult supervision.

If you’re concerned about what may go on at prom or have heard horror stories from other parents, it’s worth taking a reality check. Here are four points to consider.

1. Ticket prices: these currently seem to vary from between £25-£50. Before you throw up your hands in horror, consider what that actually pays for. If the event is being held somewhere outside the school then the venue cost is bound to be included, whether it’s a hall or marquee. A live band needs to be paid for and the buffet or meal costs need to be covered. While staff will take responsibility for supervision, a public setting may require outside security. Some schools include a keepsake in the ticket price.
2. Alcohol: At sixth form proms, there might be alcohol served in moderation. Presumably you will already have spoken to your children about this long before prom comes around. This is unlikely to be anyone’s first party. Their alcohol tolerance will be low, so having friends look out for one another is a good policy. Statistics tell us that young people in the 16–24-year-old group are less likely to be consuming alcohol than their parents were at the same age. Many are prioritising fitness and health nowadays; they’re more likely to be consulting their devices to check their step count than falling out of pubs while carrying fake IDs.

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1. Drugs: these are expensive. Very few sixth formers have the kind of budget that stretches to drugs even if they wanted to dabble. If they do choose this route, the chances are that a) they’ve already done so and/or b) it’s a more likely scenario in the next chapter of their lives when they’re living away from home, start earning money or are part of a crowd for whom this is attractive.
2. Sex: this is the last in the apparent triumvirate of serious parental concerns. Worth remembering then that young people are currently more risk averse than their parents were. Realistically, those with excess alcohol in their systems tend to make poorer choices than those without. Nevertheless, the level of adult presence at school events is hardly conducive to teenage sex. Most pupils will be embarrassed to be seen kissing another pupil in front of their teacher anyway.

The movies have given us a false picture of the expectations of a prom night. The truth is that no-one’s pressured to attend with a date; going with a group of friends is far more usual. It’s an opportunity to dress up and enjoy a last hurrah with that specific group before everyone scatters into the next season of employment or education.

Managing expectations is always relevant for us and our children. Proms usually have a finish time at which point you can collect your child and bring them safely home. Good friends will ensure no one goes home with a drunk driver. They’ll also check that each of them is staying hydrated and no-one ends term with regrets.

The school prom can be a great opportunity to celebrate friendships as well as mark the ending of the school years

The worst my daughter can remember happening is the girls getting overly emotional and crying in the toilets while the boys sat with their ties around their heads being slightly maudlin. My son remembers sitting with his friends, watching the sun rise.

Perhaps a better conversation to have with our children, rather than one full of dire warnings and scaremongering, would be one which talks about which friendships they want to celebrate and to pursue once school is over and done with. Who has been a consistent and trustworthy friend? How can they stay in touch and nurture those relationships? That’s important if we value community.

Let’s not be parents who assume the worst, expect disaster and end up sowing either fear or resentment into our growing children

The school prom can be a great opportunity to celebrate friendships as well as mark the ending of the school years. Not everyone will have enjoyed them but it’s one of the universal experiences we share with a peer group. Once this part of life is over, for better or worse, we never spend our days so exclusively with people our own age. Growing up in this uncertain world is increasingly challenging: financial pressures, employment hurdles and relational strains are all poised to be unleashed as adult responsibilities kick in.

Let’s not be parents who assume the worst, expect disaster and end up sowing either fear or resentment into our growing children. Our responsibility is to prepare them for independence and (we hope) interdependence in the coming years to the best of our ability in the light of what we know. It won’t be perfect parenting from any of us, but a large slice of parenting at this stage must look like trust.

We’ve spent years teaching and training our children to love Jesus, to listen to God and to be salt and light to the people around them. We’ve emphasised the values of loyalty, kindness, truthfulness and generosity. Our offspring serve as life-bringing bridges into the lives of their friends. Some of them will make choices that sadden us and they will become responsible for where those choices take them. Our responsibility remains, as ever, to keep loving, keep praying and keep trusting them to God.