The blessings and benefits of small families

For an alternative perspective see here.

Being a family with one child can feel like a bit of an anomaly in the church. As Adam and Eve were told to ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ so in the church having one child can be seen as unusual. Single child families can feel like the odd family out when surrounded by those with multiple kids.

I came to faith later in life when my daughter was ten, and the way I’d lived before that affected my health and my finances. Having one child seemed like the sensible choice at the time. As a writer, I’d read about literary couples who had one child, and I also became enamoured with the idea that this was the best option for someone like me who wanted to be a parent but still have time for writing. While that’s been the case, my decision wasn’t made with God in the picture. If I’d been a believer back then, I’d have made many different choices, and I’m pretty sure I’d think differently about having more children.

There are some amazing examples of one child families in the Bible

Sometimes when my thoughts wander into regret, I am reminded that the Bible doesn’t consist of ‘picture-perfect’ Christian families, but of imperfect people, and imperfect situations. It makes me feel like I’m not alone, in ‘messing up’ my life. God tells the Israelites ‘I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,’ Joel 2:25, and so he creates restoration in the lives of late believers like me, even if it doesn’t look exactly the way it would look if I’d been Christian all my life!

The Bible also reminds me that I’m not alone in having just one child either. There are some amazing examples of one child families in the Bible. For example, there’s Abraham and Sarah who had one child, Isaac. Though Abraham had other children with other mothers, Abraham was the only child they had together. Zacharias and Elizabeth had one child; John the Baptist. And of course, God. While Jesus had brothers and sisters, he was God’s only child.

Having ‘just’ one child is such a wonderful blessing from God

These stories reflect something to me of God’s love, and the way he has made us in his image. Having ‘just’ one child is such a wonderful blessing from God, we see in the Bible just how transformative, and joyful it is to have a child. Just as our ability to love can expand to encompass multiple children, and people, so we can also be satisfied with loving one child.

Psalm 127:4-5 says, ‘Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.’ There is no doubt that God loves children, and those with big families are blessed. However, in a fallen world, not everyone is going to ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ whether it’s by their own choice or circumstances. People grapple with trying to find a husband or wife, with infertility, miscarriage, and other struggles.

we don’t need to feel ‘less-than’ when compared with bigger families

Giving children siblings is a blessing, but when I feel regret about this, I remember Jesus’ words when he was told his mothers and brothers were standing outside waiting to speak to him; “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” - Matthew 12:48-50.

As believers we are adopted into the kingdom of God. We are given thousands and millions of brothers and sisters. While this may not always be the way it seems in our surface reality, it is the ultimate nature of God’s kingdom.

Read more:

Keir Starmer is right - Being a dad and a husband is the most important job he’ll ever do

Sometimes amongst Christians there can be an idolisation of marriage and children that isn’t really biblical. When Christian political activist Charlie Kirk was murdered, his words, ‘get married, have kids,’ were immortalised. In a world where the media often presents being ‘childfree’ as the root to happiness, and older women struggle with infertility it’s important to have balanced, alternative views. However, when the pendulum swings too far the other way we may forget what the apostle Paul wrote; ‘I wish that all of you were as I am.’ 1 Corinthians 7.7. Celibacy can be a gift from God and mean that people are more freed up to devote their time to ministry.

As I’m writing these words I’m reflecting on how having less children can also help us do the same. I’m not meaning to state that Christians should make a conscious decision to have less children out of a decision to devote time to ministry. But that when circumstances cause this to happen, we don’t need to feel ‘less-than’ when compared with bigger families. Instead, we can rejoice in the individual path that God has set us upon, and the radically different stories we have, all being woven together and redeemed for the advancement of his kingdom.

For an alternative perspective see here.