Why Christian parents should embrace the role of Church parent

A couple of years ago, a good friend asked me if I would take her teenage son along to church. This was framed as if I’d be doing her a great favour, but you can imagine how thrilled I was! They were a family I’d annually invited to attend a carol service followed by a meal at my home. It was such an encouragement and privilege to sit with him in the service and to encourage him to get to know others in my church family. His mum started referring to me as his “church mum,” leading me to consider the role which older, mature Christians might play in supporting young people attending church without a parent or carer.

Could we, as “church parents,” be “as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging [these young people] to live lives worthy of God” (1 Thessalonians 2:11-12)? How wonderful to be not just Rufus’ mother but also a mother to Paul! (Romans 16:13).

It is important to clarify that we are never to usurp the role of the biological or adoptive parent. God has ordained the earthly family we are part of, and we should encourage young people to honour their parents and be grateful for them. In respect of those under 18, we need to be mindful of safeguarding issues. In our enthusiasm to help and encourage, we must not cross boundaries that our church has rightly put in place.

When my friend’s son started attending church, I worked hard to introduce him to other members of the church family

That said, what can we do to welcome those coming to church without their parents? Look out for those entering the building alone or sitting alone and welcome them and sit with them. Sitting in the same, or roughly the same, place each Sunday and keeping a space free next to you can help a young person walking into a busy room have somewhere to gravitate towards.

During the service, we might explain what is going on, hand over a Bible, or offer a pen. Think what might seem unfamiliar, even alien, to you if you were new to your church.

Look out for young people who are on their own after the service and say hello. Enlisting someone their own age to come with you (preferably somebody who won’t be awkward) is a great idea. However, if you venture to speak to them alone, do try to introduce them to others. When my friend’s son started attending church, I worked hard to introduce him to other members of the church family. My hope was that I wouldn’t be the only person looking out for him and praying for him, and that he’d realise that one of the special things about being part of a church family is having friends of all generations.

Being a church parent may turn out to be inconvenient, hard work and costly

Consider what you might be able to encourage your young person to attend which will help them explore faith or be discipled and which will also aid them in establishing relationships within the church family. This might be a Bible study group, Christianity Explored or a similar course, or a social group. If the person you are church parenting is an adult and the same sex as you, you could offer to read the Bible with them.

As Christians, we can take hospitality for granted. However, it isn’t always a normal part of other people’s worlds, so it can really demonstrate church family life in action. If the person you are seeking to church parent is an adult, you might invite them to your home. Be mindful of their confidence and personality. If your family is large and boisterous, Sunday lunch with everybody present, plus maybe other guests, might not be the best occasion for deepening the relationship.

Even if your ‘church child’ has grown up in a family accustomed to hosting, if it wasn’t a Christian household, then visiting your home and witnessing, for example, grace being said, discussing the sermon or the Bible, or family devotions could be very arresting. As parents, we try to model to our children what a Christ-centred family looks like. What a privilege to provide glimpses of this to others.

Read more:

We need to move beyond biology when thinking about families and the church

When we become a parent, we really can’t imagine what’s in store! At times, parenting is inconvenient, hard work—even costly. We can’t opt out, though. Being a church parent may turn out to be inconvenient, hard work and costly too. We can, of course, opt out, but we need to pray that, just as we would for our own children, we will stay the course. We want to be consistent and, within reason, available. Sometimes we might need to drop everything to help or have an open-door policy. It is important to prevent dependence, though. This is why I see a key role of being a church parent as fostering relationships within the family of God so that you can just be one person within that young person’s church network. Our aim as parents is to have independent children who fly the nest but also know they can still rely on us when necessary.

Being a church parent may be limited in a practical sense. The young person might not be an adult or there might be other reasons you may not be able to offer hospitality or meet up with them outside church services and groups. However, the most important thing you can do is to pray for them. My daughters have flown the nest and my opportunities to mother them are limited. However, nothing prevents me praying daily that they will persevere in their faith, grow more like Jesus and increasingly love his word and his church. Similarly, you can resolve to pray for church children too.

Just as we are never promised that our own children will be Christians, we cannot guarantee that our church children will be. The parable of the sower teaches that not all who hear the gospel and initially seem to accept it will bear fruit. Experiencing members of our church family cutting ties can be hurtful, and the more we have invested, the greater the pain. However, let’s still resolve to take every opportunity to build up a generation of Christians who one day will be church parents themselves.