Christian parents should challenge gendered expectations for their children

A number of years ago, a friend shared a post on social media expressing her dismay that her young daughter had ruled out a particular career simply because she was a girl. As the mother of girls, this friend was deeply saddened that her eldest daughter already believed some professions were off limits to her. Why shouldn’t her daughters aspire to whatever vocation God might one day call them to, whether serving as an MP, a police officer, a university lecturer, a CEO or countless other roles? After all, most parents I know tell their children they can achieve great things. While some attitudes may have changed in this regard over the years, subtle societal messaging can still hinder how girls see themselves.

Our attitudes towards women matter because our children are always watching

Just this week, as part of my work, I completed a C-me profile, which highlights different behavioural preferences as illustrated by colours. The ‘red energy’ is associated with people who naturally enjoy taking action, making decisions and achieving results. As I discussed the results with two female colleagues, we noticed that in our adapted profile, for example our behaviour in a work context, each of us toned down our ‘red energy’. We found ourselves wondering whether, consciously or unconsciously, we had learned that qualities such as assertiveness and decisiveness are often viewed differently in women than they are in men. Sadly, even as adult Christian women we can internalise expectations and bury our God-given gifts.

Our attitudes towards women matter because our children are always watching. Our sons and daughters are constantly learning what leadership looks like, whose voices matter and which qualities are celebrated. The world around them will often encourage them to fit neatly into its expectations. Scripture, however, tells a richer story.

We named our second daughter Phoebe after the remarkable woman Paul commended to the church in Rome

As a mother, I find myself continually returning to the women of Scripture. I want my children to grow up seeing them not as side characters, but as women God delighted to use for his purposes, women who had much to offer both their communities and the church. Much of my thinking has been shaped by raising three girls, but I’m equally conscious that I’m raising a son. The way he learns to value women may one day shape his friendships, his marriage, his church and the way he reflects Christ.

Our first daughter is called Amelia, a name that means “industrious”. For her I pray she’ll know that God delights in diligence wherever he calls her. The woman of Proverbs 31 wasn’t confined to one sphere of life. She bought land, planted vineyards, traded wisely, cared for her family and strengthened those around her. She reminds us that faithfulness and enterprise are not opposing virtues. Whether Amelia one day chooses to build a career, raise a family, or somehow do both, I want her to know God values work done for his glory, and he equips women with gifts that can bless the world in countless ways.

We named our second daughter Phoebe after the remarkable woman Paul commended to the church in Rome. He clearly trusted Phoebe with significant responsibility as she faithfully served God’s people. I pray that our Phoebe will also grow to be a woman of integrity, wisdom and courage. Someone others instinctively trust because she points people to Christ, whether that’s in the church, the workplace or the community.

I want each of my children to notice how Jesus treated women. Again and again, he met them with tenderness and dignity

Our youngest daughter is Tabitha. What strikes me about the biblical Tabitha is that when she died, the room was filled with widows holding up the clothes she had made for them. Her ordinary acts of generosity changed many lives. My longing for our Tabitha is that she might always remember that greatness in God’s kingdom is measured not by titles or applause but by faithful love shown day after day. If people are drawn closer to Christ because she quietly serves others, she will have lived a life of extraordinary significance.

But those are just three women among many. I could point them to Huldah, a lesser-known Old Testament woman. When the Book of the Law was rediscovered, King Josiah didn’t summon Jeremiah. Instead, he sought out Huldah. God entrusted his word to a woman whose wisdom was recognised by kings, priests and officials alike. As a mother, this reminds me to encourage my daughters to cultivate wisdom above status, and to teach my son that wisdom should always be honoured, regardless of who speaks it.

My prayer for my son Elijah, is that he will grow into the sort of man who isn’t threatened by gifted women but celebrates them

I also want my daughters to know that faithful women were recognised and honoured in the earliest church. Junia is one such example. John Chrysostom, the fourth-century church father, marvelled that she was considered worthy of the title ’apostle’. These women were not defined by cultural expectations but by their faithfulness to God and their willingness to use the gifts he had given them.

I want each of my children to notice how Jesus treated women. Again and again, he met them with tenderness and dignity. He elevated women who others wouldn’t look at, let alone speak to, like Mary Magdalene. He welcomed women as his disciples and challenged social norms, allowing Mary to sit among the disciples and engaging in conversation with the Samaritan woman. In his presence the last became the first.

Read more:

Girls by Freya India is the wake-up call every Christian parent needs

A woman’s place? Rethinking work, home, and biblical calling

Motherhood as ministry: The case for staying-at-home

My prayer for my son Elijah, is that he will grow into the sort of man who isn’t threatened by gifted women but celebrates them. A man who listens before he speaks, who honours women as fellow heirs of God’s grace, who uses his strength to serve rather than dominate, and who rejoices whenever God uses his sisters in Christ for the good of his kingdom.

There are many competing voices shaping our children’s understanding of identity and purpose. Some come from popular culture, others from social media, and some even from within the wider church. As Christian parents, we have the privilege and responsibility of helping our children see themselves first through the lens of Scripture.

May our children never let the world’s expectations limit the greatness of God’s calling on their lives. May our daughters grow into women who gladly use every gift God has entrusted to them, and may our sons become men who rejoice when they do. After all, throughout Scripture, God advances his kingdom through ordinary people who simply say yes to his calling.