Kinship care reveals how the Church can be a true family

Our kinship care story flows from God’s gift of the church being a family. We are members of a Church of England church in Cumbria through which we met a little girl whose mum kindly invited us to be godparents. We knew the mum before she was pregnant and she had taken such steps forward with her faith that she was confirmed in 2022 where she testified that “Jesus is my light.”

Very sadly this mother we loved became unwell after childbirth and became unable to care for her daughter. The little girl (who we’ll call Sophie) came to stay with us for the weekend. That was in April 2024 when Sophie was 18 months old and she remains with us to this day. Sophie is now with us under a “special guardianship order” which is a court order giving us parental responsibility for Sophie until she is 18.

The type of care we offer is called ‘kinship care’ because the child is placed with a relative or family friend who they already knew before they entered care

Even more tragically on New Year’s Eve 2025 Sophie’s mother passed away and part of our role in caring for Sophie has been helping her navigate the grief of not seeing her mum. It was an incredibly painful and difficult time. As the vicar I found myself conducting the funeral of this lovely lady and taking her daughter into more permanent care. We were helped with the knowledge that the mother had asked us to be godparents, which we took as a sign of her trust in our care for Sophie.

We have seen Sophie flourish in her time with us. Sophie knew us and our four other children before she came to live with us, and those relationships seemed to help with the transition. She loves spending time with each of our children and has also settled brilliantly into her excellent nursery where she loves to go. Sophie sees her birth dad once a week and he and I have a good relationship, also having known each other before Sophie was born.

The type of care we offer is called ‘kinship care’ because the child is placed with a relative or family friend who they already knew before they entered care. Kinship care is also different from traditional foster care in that kinship carers are not employed by social services in any way and once they have been approved by the local authority to be kinship carers, they have very little contact with those authorities.

Because we knew and loved her mum, we have been able to ensure Sophie’s flourishing by sharing stories and memories of her mum and speaking positively about her

There have been other blessings which God has brought out of this situation and our encouragement to others who might face a similar opportunity of care is that the journey is more than worth it.

Because we knew and loved her mum, we have been able to ensure Sophie’s flourishing by sharing stories and memories of her mum and speaking positively about her. We have also been able to see ways in which Sophie’s mum’s character now shapes her life and so we make sure we nurture those aspects of who she is even when it’s different to our own characters.

One example of this was when our own children stayed firmly bolted to their seats with us at a big social gathering while Sophie wanted to run around, make new friends and dance the night away. This is very much like her mum! And we made sure she could be herself there in a safe and constructive way.

We have had our lives changed for the better - forever

But Sophie has also been an immense blessing to us. Our boys have shown a gentler side to their own characters as they support another child. Our daughter now studies early years development, does a placement at Sophie’s nursery and is considering a career in childcare.

More than that though, as we have seen little Sophie show remarkable adaptability, joy and love through such turmoil, we ourselves have known God’s healing of our own hearts in the different stresses we face in life. We have had our lives changed for the better - forever.

Of course, the role of kinship care is not without its challenges. Unlike foster care the local authority offers very little financial support, there is no designated social worker who checks in, and there are very few training opportunities. In our case, Sophie’s family are huge part of the blessing of this journey, but there can be difficult relationships and pressures from birth family that are hard to navigate. Children don’t always adapt to the changes in the way Sophie has. And then there is the added pressure of having an extra child in the house who needs care, transport and provision!

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It’s worth saying then that kinship care is not right for every child, and there are many wonderful alternatives. We had explored being kinship carers some years ago to other church children – but in that instance the wisdom of the social services and other members of the church was that it wasn’t right for us to offer it in that instance.

However, our experience is that the challenges above can be offset by God’s gift of the church. Sophie is dearly loved by her church family, as was her mum. And because of that we have had people look after Sophie, look out for us, check we’re OK, and provide for us with time away, meals and much more. Kinship care in the local church is a natural part of who we are. And that’s in large part because it’s a part of who God is. Traditionally kinship care has been seen as only available to those in a family relationship with the child. But from a Christian point of view, it can be anyone with a relationship to the child. Thankfully the state system still recognises this – as is shown in our story. The church family is God’s idea for how relationships can be formed in which kinship care can take place.

And that is the church at its best. Living as the arms and legs of the one who is “a father to the fatherless …

The church is a place where children belong to the family of God where spiritual relationships are established by God through his Son Jesus. We are very blessed to be part of a church where the words of Jesus about his followers: “Here are my mother and my brothers” (Mark 3:34) are lived out.

But also, many churches are sharing the love of Jesus with their communities in ways which offer more opportunities for relationships to be built in which kinship care could be offered if it was ever needed. Toddler groups, godparent roles, pastoral care for Sunday school families, holiday clubs and school assemblies are just some of the many touch stones where the church meets the world and can, in turn, build and offer kinship care relationships.

And that is the church at its best. Living as the arms and legs of the one who is “a father to the fatherless … [and who] sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:5-6). And one who from that heart calls us: “to look after orphans and widows in their distress” (James 1:27). Our reflection is that such a service is not only possible, but it can also be an unimaginable blessing.