God’s vision of family is bigger than we think. Roger Cooke from Safe Families and Home For Good shows how churches and Christian parents can stand in the gap for foster children and struggling carers, one practical act at a time
Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19:25-27)
What does the Bible say about family?
This isn’t an easy question to answer, but it’s an important one to consider, given how much of church life and church activity seem to centre around family. It prompts a second, more searching question: In our churches, how much of our understanding of family and our approach to family ministry is shaped by the Bible and how much is shaped by cultural norms from recent centuries?
the Bible reveals an approach to family that is less about blood and more about wider connections of care, hospitality and belonging
As someone who was single until my late 30s, I certainly felt that when my church talked about prioritising families in our ministries, they weren’t including me. Even now, in our early 50s (me) and early 40s (my wife), and as respite foster carers, I’m not sure we would fully qualify for ‘family’ status within lots of churches. It leads to ask some further questions:
Can a single person be seen as a family?
How about a married couple without children?
And what about foster carers?
How we define and think about ‘family’ matters. It informs our own choices as individuals and couples, and it shapes how we talk about, teach about, prioritise and deliver family care in our churches and our local communities.
I hear story after story of love and solidarity expressed in simple, but life-changing ways. Surely this is the church at its best!
Family is clearly a key theme in Scripture. I love the description of the Bible as a kind of family album, depicting the story of the unfolding relationship between God and God’s people: a collection snapshots of different family members and their interactions with their maker. Various genealogies in the Bible provide a wider-lens, family-tree context through which God’s redemptive plan is worked out. Stories of individual families, whether as Old Testament narratives or Gospel parables, reveal the importance of families to the God whom Jesus taught us to call Father. And in the New Testament epistles, we discover guidance and encouragements for mums, dads, husbands and wives. In God’s Word, family is important.
Yet, more often than not, the Bible reveals an approach to family that is less about blood and more about wider connections of care, hospitality and belonging. Biblical families are often big, broad, diverse and intergenerational, with bonds that aren’t necessarily biological. Think of Abraham and Lot, Ruth and Naomi, David and Mephibosheth; or consider Moses’ multifaceted experience of family.
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We read in Psalm 68 that God puts the lonely in families, a reality that we see played out in the beautiful, transforming story quoted above. From the cross, Jesus places John and Mary together as a family: mother and son.
Are these the kind of family expressions that we are embracing and prioritising in our churches? Are we seeking to encourage and support the formation of inclusive, expansive, blended families, where everyone has an opportunity to belong and participate, to be seen and valued?
I’m convinced that when we let the Bible reshape our theology of family, it can lead to significant transformation in our churches and in our communities. I’ve seen that in our own fostering journey and in my work.
Across the UK, over 38,000 children enter care every year. That’s one child every 14 minutes
My wife and I have been fostering for almost 12 years. We’re currently short break carers, providing regular, planned weekend care for children in foster families. Our role is to help provide respite support for long-term foster carers, and to give their children a fun and care-free weekend. We’re not parents, we’re not full-time carers, but for two weekends each month, we seek to provide an extended family experience for children and young people. That’s what family looks like for us.
Through our peer support group, and through my work with Home for Good and Safe Families, I’ve had the privilege of getting to know lots of families who foster full-time or who have adopted their children. For the most part, their family experiences are complex and challenging; it’s not an easy path to raise children who have experienced profound early life trauma and separation. One of the things that makes the biggest difference is being part of a wider church community that holds them close and cares deeply for the children that live with them.
During an emergency foster placement in Covid lockdown, we had care packages of meals, crafts and games dropped to our doorstep, and someone provided an overnight sewing service for a child’s torn coat.
Imagine what it would look like if every church across the UK supported one family to open their homes through fostering
When our fostering friends had short notice of two young ones coming their way, they posted a message on a church WhatsApp group. In less than an hour they had car seats, clothes and toys delivered to their door. In the early days of our charity, a church in Southampton offered a cuppa to foster carers and adoptive parents and encouraged them to bring all their ironing. While the parents and carers enjoyed a cuppa, a team of ironers got to work in the room next door. I’ve seen churches providing frozen meals and knitted blankets for families or organising emergency packs for social workers to collect when a child comes into care. I hear story after story of love and solidarity expressed in simple, but life-changing ways. Surely this is the church at its best!
Across the UK, over 38,000 children enter care every year. That’s one child every 14 minutes. There’s a huge shortage of long-term foster carers to offer suitable, well-matched, well-supported homes for children who desperately need safety, stability and consistent care.
Could the Church help stem the flow of children into the care system by providing consistent connection and companionship to mums, dads and carers?
At Home for Good and Safe Families, we long for a society where no family feels alone and where every child has a home where they can flourish. It’s a vision that can only be realised through the Church, as together we commit to connecting our worship with our mission and as we serve the most vulnerable and isolated people in our communities.
Imagine what it would look like if every church across the UK supported one family to open their homes through fostering – taking collective responsibility to prayerfully and practically stand with that family in a journey that can be messy and painful. What would it take for the Church to be the single biggest provider or well supported foster homes in the UK?
Imagine the difference we could make if more churches sought to go even further in their active care for isolated families in their community and for single parents who are struggling at home, alone. Could the Church help stem the flow of children into the care system by providing consistent connection and companionship to mums, dads and carers?
As followers of Jesus, you and I have been welcomed into a family of faith that transcends biology, background and geography. We know what it is to think differently about ‘family’. Our local churches are ideally and uniquely placed to make a transforming difference for children and families in our communities. All of which begs one final question: What part can you play in this vision for change?
