Josie Soden: “I realised you’re not the same after each child—you’re reborn and remoulded as a mother”

Josie, tell us a bit about yourself

I was born in Brighton. My parents met in London, then moved down south to Brighton, and when I was about five, we moved to Birmingham, where my dad planted a church. I grew up in a Christian home with an older sister and a younger brother.

I always wanted to sing and perform on stage. I did performing arts at college, then just wanted to get stuck into work acting, singing and presenting. I’m hands-on, so I went straight into theatre in education, promo work, weddings, gigs, presenting, and modelling. Alongside that, I worked at Greggs, Pret, and cafes for some financial stability but also my husband kept a stable job so I could build my creative work around the family. We’ve now got three kids. Life is busy, but I love it and embrace the chaos.

What was it like growing up in your family?

My dad is from Nigeria. He came over at 17, very passionate and driven – he wanted to lead a church and did. He is confident, charismatic, and outgoing, so we were all involved in church from a young age.

Faith was absolutely integral to our lives—nothing else came before it

Our family life was lively – singing and dancing all the time. My mum was always cooking, we’d help her on the weekends, and Sundays were for church, sometimes twice. Saturday mornings were often for prayer meetings, and if not at church, then at home. We had a lot of structure and routine; everything was planned, and church life took priority over things like sleepovers or social events.

How do you think your parents influenced your life and faith?

Faith was absolutely integral to our lives—nothing else came before it. Church was our social life and extended family, especially as my dad’s family were in Nigeria and my mum’s were up north. We made time for God, prayer, worship, and devotion – no excuses. Even if we were ill, we went to church; my dad would say that’s when you go for healing! We never missed church, not even on holiday.

I was determined not to let the separation ruin my faith

Music was huge. We were given microphones as kids, my brother was on drums, we danced, waved flags – loads of old worship songs have stuck with me, and I sing them to my kids now. We prayed before meals, were always encouraged to be grateful, and did daily devotions together as a family, even if it was just five minutes in the morning followed by five minutes praying.

All of that structure and gratitude has definitely carried through, and now I do the same with my children—reading scripture and praying over them every night.

What about things that have changed? Are there things you’ve done differently as you grew up?

I haven’t continued absolutely everything. We had a lot of structure, but not much of a social life outside church. When I was 14, my parents separated, and I moved to a new church called Renewal Church, with my mum, brother and sister. That was a pivotal moment because at the new church, there were more people my age, and those relationships were so important.

I cried a lot, but church was where I felt safe and loved, even when I couldn’t put words to it

What do you think was the impact of your parents’ separation and your father not being around so much on your faith?

It was massive. Not all promises were kept, and that left a void. I pressed into my faith more than ever at that point – it became more of a relationship than just following rules. I was determined not to let the separation ruin my faith. I didn’t blame God; I just saw it as life. God was steadfast and always there as a listening ear. I cried a lot, but church was where I felt safe and loved, even when I couldn’t put words to it.

You found people your age at Renewal Church. What was that like?

That made a huge difference. There were loads of young people. We got stuck in – Tuesday nights, Wednesday Bible study, Friday youth, Sunday services, sometimes even Sunday evenings. Church was like a second home. My sister still leads worship there; my brother’s now in Northampton and is part of a church there.

a deep joy that can’t be shaken, even by sleep deprivation!

If you could thank your parents for one thing, what would it be?

That faith was always non-negotiable and integral. We learned to make time for God, and that faithfulness and consistency bring blessing and favour. I’m extremely thankful for that.

You have three children now. What sort of words and feelings come to mind when you think about being a mum?

Definitely joy—a deep joy that can’t be shaken, even by sleep deprivation! I always wanted children and love them so much. With my first, Emily, it was hard, but the joy was always underneath. With Phoebe, I had postnatal depression. That was overwhelming—I lost myself a bit spiritually. I still went to church, but often felt like I was only half there, just feeding a child at the back.

I just want to keep an open dialogue so she knows she can talk to me about anything

When I stepped down from worship to have a baby, I questioned my identity. God spoke to me: “As a mother, this is your main ministry now. You are enough.” That broke me and shaped me. I realised you’re not the same after each child—you’re reborn and remoulded as a mother.

What challenges have you faced as a Christian mum?

A big challenge is grounding your identity in God, not just in what you do. After a long gap, having a third child was a big step. After Phoebe, I feared being depressed again, so it took courage to try for another.

Let’s talk about raising faith in your children. What do you do at home?

We pray before meals, always read to them before bed – ending with a Bible story and prayer. We go to church every Sunday. I put up scriptures around the house, including the timeout step – “Let your light shine,” “God has great plans for you,” “Be strong and courageous.” If they’re on a timeout, they can pray a prayer I’ve written for that situation – more patience, kind hands, or saying sorry.

Be at peace with the season you’re in; you can’t go back to who you were before

I’m intentional about setting the right atmosphere, especially on Sunday mornings when we play only Christian music. I want to immerse the house in worship and set the tone for the week. We encourage questions and always correct things if they come home with ideas that don’t fit our faith. We discuss the Bible but teach them to be respectful of others’ opinions.

Is there stuff you’ve tried that you’ve given up on because it wasn’t working?

At the start of the year, I bought a family devotional – a daily one – but now, in December, we’re still in May or June! We do it weekly, not daily. Sometimes a devotional says “go outside and do this” and I think, “Not at 8 a.m. in the rain!” We tweak things. During COVID, we did more family worship, but it’s less regular now. I try not to beat myself up—life changes.

Read more:

Allan Finnegan: “Don’t get so caught up in church or work that you miss out on your family”

Lucy Peppiatt: “My parents were laid-back about faith, which helped us feel held, not pushed”

Ryan Frederick: Christian parents need to “say no to good things to say yes to the right things”

Sally Lloyd-Jones: “God chose you specifically for your children and your children for you”

Looking forward, your eldest is 10. What are your hopes and fears for the next 10 years?

I’m excited for her to mature, even though she’ll make mistakes. I just want to keep an open dialogue so she knows she can talk to me about anything. I hope she’ll develop discernment in friendships and relationships. I want her to know she doesn’t have to keep toxic relationships just for the sake of being a “good Christian.” I want her to choose friends wisely—not just for popularity, but for character. “Iron sharpens iron, bad friends corrupt good habits.” That’s what I want to instil.

If you could give yourself a piece of advice the day before your first daughter was born, what would it be?

Brace yourself! And choose whose advice you take in – don’t try to take it all on board, it’s overwhelming. Be at peace with the season you’re in; you can’t go back to who you were before. Celebrate who you are now and be present. Don’t fall into the trap of comparison on social media. You are always becoming – don’t beat yourself up for who you’re not but celebrate who you are.