Through a mum’s heartbreak and a son’s recovery Mary Deller from Hope UK reveals why family, faith, and teaching healthy habits are vital for steering kids away from substance abuse
A mother recently spoke out on her local radio station about the anguish of seeing her son disappear in front of her eyes, in the grip of drug addiction.
Aged 13, Tom began experimenting with substances as an escape from his struggles with the challenges of daily life. Cannabis, cocaine and ketamine took him along a pathway for the next 12 years of his life. The result was a family ripped apart and a devastating toll on Tom’s physical and mental health – he became seriously underweight, suffered damage to his bladder from ketamine use and lost all hope and interest in life.
Thankfully, aged 27 Tom’s life has taken a new direction, following nine months of rehab in a residential unit, and he no longer uses drugs.
It’s a case of ‘when’ and not ‘if’ a young person, or perhaps a friend of theirs, finds themselves in a situation where they are offered a drug
“Tom’s drug use was all about running away from his feelings and his inability to deal with life,” explained Rachel, Tom’s Mum.
“The drugs gave him a sense of belonging and an escape route but he didn’t really know about the risks and he never realised the consequences; once he became addicted it was too late.” Tom’s story is unique to him but it’s also very familiar. As a national drug education and prevention charity, we talk to thousands of children and young people every year about the risks of substance use. It’s a case of ‘when’ and not ‘if’ a young person, or perhaps a friend of theirs, finds themselves in a situation where they are offered a drug. Do they know what to do in that situation? How can they manage to get out of a tricky situation without losing face or feeling like a party pooper?
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In our work with parents and carers we are asked about the drugs that their young people might encounter once they go up to secondary school. Parents are often anxious about this but do not feel that they have the knowledge nor the skills to talk to their children about it. There’s a lack of awareness around signs and symptoms of drug use, or unfamiliar slang terms used by young people with reference to drugs.
there are things we can do to bolster the protective factors and minimise the risk of drug harm
A cursory glance at news headlines on any given week can give us some indication of the scale of the problem. Yet all the evidence for best-practice drug prevention (and there is a lot of international evidence), tells us that there are things we can do to bolster the protective factors and minimise the risk of drug harm. The good news is that there are effective measures that parents, youth workers and other adults who have a role in supporting children and young people, can take, in order to equip them with the skills and knowledge they will need to navigate those tricky situations as they grow towards adulthood.
So what does work towards protecting our children from drug-related harm? Tom’s personal story gives us a bit of a clue. He came to understand that he was searching for his place, somewhere to belong and something bigger than himself that he could be a part of. His experience of getting involved, at the rehab centre where he received treatment, opened the door to learning new life skills and joining in with a wide range of activities that gave his life purpose. Naturally, the church can be a place where young people find a deep sense of belonging and fatih priovides a clear sense of purpose too.
Drug education is partly about imparting accurate information and knowledge
Life skills training is a huge part of what Hope UK does. Equipping children and young people with skills that may come naturally to a few but usually must be taught are not subjects you’ll find on the national curriculum. These include how to make healthy choices, understanding what healthy and unhealthy friendships look like, how to grow confidence and self-esteem, how to manage peer relationships and develop peer resistance skills, assertiveness, protective behaviours, critical thinking and interpersonal and communication skills. Many adults struggle with these things all their lives!
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A key message for parents is ‘don’t panic’! A minority of children and young adults choose to take drugs – for a whole host of different reasons. Drug education is partly about imparting accurate information and knowledge, the risks to health and short and long-term consequences of use. For some, that will be enough of a deterrent. However, our aim is not to be successful in turning out better-informed drug users!
A good place to start is to understand that drugs are no respecter of postcodes! Any child from any background is potentially at risk. It’s therefore important to talk about the subject and our experience tells us that it’s best to start those conversations, in as natural a way as possible, before a child starts secondary school. Family conversations around news stories, or episodes of your series on TV, are a great way to do it!
Do our young people only see us relaxing or socialising with a glass of wine in our hands, or reaching for the bottle as a stress reliever after a difficult day at the office?
Many parents drink alcohol – and this is another opportunity to have an informal discussion within the family. Parents on our drug awareness workshops realise that their patterns of alcohol consumption are modelling to children their adults’ relationship with alcohol – and this realisation is sometimes quite challenging for them! Do our young people only see us relaxing or socialising with a glass of wine in our hands, or reaching for the bottle as a stress reliever after a difficult day at the office? A legal drug, unsurprisingly alcohol is the drug of choice for under-18s; most young people accessing drug treatment services are doing so for alcohol, or alcohol plus other substances.
children whose parents have a relaxed attitude towards underage drinking, are more likely to develop a problematic relationship with alcohol in their early adulthood
It’s commonly thought that it’s best to ‘acclimatise’ our children to responsible alcohol consumption, by taking away the mystique around it and thereby ensuring that our children don’t go on a bender the minute they turn 18. The evidence, however, paints a different picture. In fact, children whose parents have a relaxed attitude towards underage drinking, are more likely to develop a problematic relationship with alcohol in their early adulthood. Evidence from Mediterranean cultures also shows us that their more relaxed stance towards wine consumption at the meal table does not automatically translate to lower rates of youth binge drinking.
If you are a parent or carer, or you work with children and young people in some capacity, would you consider learning how to deliver crucial life skills? These protective factors will help in all areas of life, not only in relation to drug use. It just takes time, effort and a willingness to make a difference… and to be the difference in the life of that young person.
