Why listening matters most when kids struggle

Many children seem ‘fine’ outside but fall apart when they come home. In the third part of her series: ’Helping every child’s mental wellbeing,’ Amy Smith shows how Christian parents and churches can become the safe place kids need by listening well, loving deeply, and pointing them to God’s faithfulness

What had happened to her lovely boy?

Rachel’s photo memories seemed to taunt her, showing a life she no longer recognised: a happy little lad in striped shorts, amazingly good at crazy golf, full of facts about dinosaurs beaming at her from behind a dripping ice cream.

Her son, Ollie, came home from school these days permanently grumpy, doors slammed, food picked over, losing it at the slightest irritation. The school told her he was doing “fine”. He said everything was “fine.”

Fine – how she hated that word. Nothing felt fine.

Ollie started to talk. Rachel didn’t interrupt, dismiss, or try to fix or solve. She listened

Rachel is a mum in your church, feeling like a failure. Her child behaves beautifully at school and in your kids club but explodes at home. She feels like she must be doing everything wrong but is too embarrassed to mention it at home group. She prays desperately for a breakthrough, longing to see Oliver’s smile again.

A friend forwarded her a podcast, where other Christian parents were talking about their child being “fine” at school and exploding at home. Rachel’s tears streamed as she listened on the walk home. She felt like they were talking directly to her. “Behaviour is communication” they said. “You get the mess because you are his safe place. Be curious, give the feelings a name and pray.”

So that dinner time, Rachel ……