From playground put-downs to self-doubt, children need more than positive thinking. In the fourth and final article in her series, Amy Smith from Faith in Kids shows how families and churches can help them build resilience by focusing on God’s truth
Lily was much quieter these days in her kid’s group at church. Jenny thought back to the start of the year when Lily used to be full of chat about her love of cats, dance routines she had learned and sleep overs at her Nan’s. She made a point of checking in with Lily’s Mum over coffee after the session she had just led.
“How’s Lily doing? It might just be me, but she seems a bit quieter than usual”
And over the coffee, a story was shared about a maths test, a mean comment from a friend and Lily’s feeling of being left behind.
“She thinks everyone is smarter than her and now she says she is ugly and stupid. It’s ridiculous! I am finding it hard not to just yell at her,” Lily’s Mum shared.
We can all learn to notice our thoughts, work out what should go in the bin and what we should keep
“Well done”, Jenny smiled. “You’re doing a great job. You know what’s going on AND you’re trying not to yell!”
Jenny shared the illustration she had taught in the kid’s group - Thoughts, feelings and actions are like a train.
Our thoughts are like the engine at the front; our feelings and actions are the carriages pulled along behind. It’s just a simple way of explaining that what we think about affects how we feel and our feelings affect our behaviour. One follows the other.
So, as Lily thinks about that maths test, the mean comment, the moment in class when she didn’t know the answer, she feels ugly and stupid. Those feelings affect her actions, she’s quieter and doesn’t want to go to dance class.
as Lily’s parents help her notice her thoughts instead of being ruled by them, change begins
We all struggle with this. We compare ourselves to others. We’re hurt by the mean comment. We all need to learn to not let that moment be the loudest thought, the scene we constantly replay. We can all learn to notice our thoughts, work out what should go in the bin and what we should keep.
The girl in Lily’s class said she was ugly, but God says she’s fearfully and wonderfully made. We all know which message we’d like her to put in the bin and which one we’d like her to play on repeat. Jenny and Mum chat and pray together. Mum and Lily chat and pray at home. Beautiful change and growth are sparked in Lily’s life.
Lily is not about to be transformed and beam with confidence after one conversation, but as Jenny continues to care, and as Lily’s parents help her notice her thoughts instead of being ruled by them, change begins. Dad admits that he compares himself to people at work - their confidence, their cars - and feels not good enough. Mum shares that scrolling on Instagram and seeing everyone else’s tidy homes, slim waists and fancy looking holidays makes her feel like a failure. Jenny comes round for lunch and admits that she felt intimidated by their family because they seem “so sorted”.
as Christians we can do more than empty our minds of negativity and enjoy mindful moments. We can fill our minds with truth
We’re all just like Lily, battling with how to think and building inner habits. Many of our children are being taught mindfulness at school - taking a moment to pause and notice what is going on around and within them. This is good as far as it goes, but as Christians we can do more than empty our minds of negativity and enjoy mindful moments. We can fill our minds with truth.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
This is the mindfulness God recommends: filling our minds with the character, promises and presence of God.
Psalm 34 does just that.
“I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips…I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:1,4,5.
Read parts 1-3 here:
Teach kids that God sees their struggles and has answers
Cultivate thankfulness, joy and resilience in your children by pointing to the giver of good gifts
Why listening matters most when kids struggle
The Psalmist’s thoughts constantly return to the Lord, even though he is honest about trouble and affliction. Thinking about the Lord - his help, his rescue, his salvation, his goodness – makes a difference to how he feels. His face shines as he thinks about God.
As families and churches, let’s encourage one another to make this the narrative. Let’s be honest about what’s hard and talk about what’s good. Let’s choose the wallpaper of our conversations at home, the things we watch, the music we listen to, what we scroll, what we value, what we focus on when everything gets switched off. Let’s get the truth up on our walls (literally, in pictures and posters). Let’s speak it at mealtimes. Let’s ask each other when we’re having a whinge, “What do we know about God that could help us here? “Let’s make the connections between our thoughts, feelings and then actions. As we do so, we can, together, “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” Psalm 34:8
All our Faith in Kids resources are intended to support parents and churches partnering together to raise children who trust in Jesus eternally. Our “Looking to God, mental well being in the Psalms” series is just one of the ways we are working to see this happen. We’d love churches and homes to be full of chat about God and his goodness, so that young minds are filled full of these great truths. As the Psalmist says, “Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.” Psalm 34:11
Our love, our awe, our respect and amazement at our promise-keeping God grow in our homes and churches one ordinary conversation at a time.
For more on this topic head to “Looking to God – Mental wellbeing in the Psalms” from Faith in Kids.
