Christian parents will find hope and honesty in Parenting a Spicy One

Some parenting books make you feel like you need to add another ten things to your already impossible to-do list. Others remind you that, in the middle of the chaos, you are not alone. Parenting a Spicy One by Mary Van Geffen is firmly in the second category. With honesty, humour and a huge amount of empathy, Van Geffen offers encouragement and practical help for parents navigating children with big emotions, strong personalities and intense reactions.

I approached it with a bit of caution, not sure if any of my four children would technically meet the criteria for being ‘spicy.’ Was I a fraud for seeking new ideas with something I should easily be able to handle? But I needn’t have worried. This is not just a book for parents of ‘spicy children.’ I came away convinced that almost every parent would find something valuable here and with ideas for managing myself and all of my children who range from korma to vindaloo depending on when we last all ate and slept.

Van Geffen has a wonderful ability to describe everyday parenting realities in a way that made me laugh out loud

I have already recommended it to people with children of different ages and personalities because, at its heart, this is a book about relationships: understanding our children, understanding ourselves and allowing God to shape and refine us through the adventure of parenting.

Something that surprised me was discovering that Van Geffen is neurodivergent but is speaking from her experience of parenting a neurotypical child. I had wrongly assumed that might be the other way round. She shares vulnerably and openly from her own experience and from coaching many others in a way that doesn’t assume a ‘one size fits all’ approach. She gives loads of options and things to explore wherever you and your child are starting from and however your brains and bodies work.

It also helps that she is genuinely funny. Parenting books do not always make you laugh, but Van Geffen has a wonderful ability to describe everyday parenting realities in a way that made me laugh out loud. She captures those moments that many parents know well: the situations where you are tired, bewildered, amazed or just at the end of your rope.

One of the book’s greatest strengths is that it does not make the child the problem

Throughout the book, Van Geffen writes with what feels like ‘big sister’ energy. She understands the struggles and communicates clearly that she is on your side. Yet this is not simply a collection of reassuring words or vague parenting advice. Her experience is obvious, and she brings a strong understanding of child development and psychology. She explains the reasons behind behaviour in an accessible way, offering practical examples that help translate ideas into real family life. Not just nice ideas or theory that you know you won’t be able to implement.

One of the book’s greatest strengths is that it does not make the child the problem. Instead, Van Geffen repeatedly brings parents back to the question of how we respond, what we believe and how our own mindset affects the atmosphere of our homes. This is where the book feels particularly powerful from a Christian perspective and what I found most challenging and most helpful.

Van Geffen encourages parents to look at parenting from a spiritual perspective. She writes: “To look at parenting through a spiritual lens, you must try on the idea that your child is not your challenge. They are your curriculum. This book is the syllabus.” It is a striking and powerful way of reframing parenting. Instead of seeing difficult moments as obstacles preventing us from having the family life we imagined, she invites us to see them as opportunities where God is forming us too. But also reassures us we don’t have to figure it out on our own, she will walk us through how to tackle it, one step at a time.

She is honest about the exhaustion, frustration and emotional rollercoaster of parenting

She does not minimise the challenges. She is honest about the exhaustion, frustration and emotional rollercoaster of parenting. But she also points parents towards something beyond themselves, writing that “you need something bigger than yourself to hold on to during this rollercoaster ride”. For Christian parents, this is one of the most encouraging threads running through the book: the reminder that we are not carrying the weight of parenting alone. For me it was a powerful reminder that God is with me in the everyday reality of my parenting and one of the most significant things I can do as a parent is to choose to lean on Him and not try and do it in my own strength.

I was particularly encouraged by how much emphasis Van Geffen places on parents finding what works for their own family rather than trying to copy someone else’s version of success. Her suggestion that parents write their own ‘job description’ is a brilliant example of this. It encourages reflection on who God has created your family to be, rather than comparison with the families around you. The QR codes throughout the book link to additional content, giving readers opportunities to explore ideas further and find their next steps.

Van Geffen never writes in a way that leaves you feeling guilty

There were some moments where the cultural context felt very American. Van Geffen writes from a conservative American background, and parts of the book are clearly shaped by her response to strong opinions she encountered, particularly around physical discipline. Some of this may feel less immediately relevant to a contemporary UK audience. However, the wider message of moving towards empathy, connection and understanding remains incredibly valuable.

I also appreciated that, despite asking parents to think deeply and make meaningful changes, Van Geffen never writes in a way that leaves you feeling guilty. Her approach is challenging but compassionate. She gently asks readers to consider where they might grow, while constantly communicating that she understands the difficulty of the journey.

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Although I had come across Van Geffen through social media before reading this book, I had not realised she was a Christian. Seeing how naturally she weaves faith into her understanding of parenting was a real highlight. Her faith is not presented as a set of extra rules to add to parenting, but as the foundation that gives parents hope, perspective and endurance. I can imagine feeling confident giving this book to a friend who isn’t a Christian and them being encouraged by the content and noticing that she invites reliance on God as a key to making progress.

Parenting a Spicy One is funny, practical and deeply compassionate. It offers more than strategies for managing behaviour; it offers a different way of seeing our children and ourselves. For parents who feel stretched, uncertain or simply want to grow in wisdom and grace, this book is a valuable reminder that God is at work in the messy, ordinary and beautiful reality of family life.