In his mini series Robin Barfield has reminded us of things we should not forget as Christian parents - In this his 6th installment he reminds us that our children are changing, maturing and becoming something and we need to be a part of that
How would you react if you saw a mum breastfeeding her 10-year-old child? Or if you saw a dad spoon-feeding his teenage son? There are reasons related to disability why this may be necessary, but if a child is capable of being weaned or feeding themselves, then, as parents, we should encourage it. One of the most complex parts of being a parent is holding this tension between celebrating and enjoying our child and encouraging them towards accomplishing more.
Not losing sight of who our children already are as people, we need an eye on what they will need for the future. Part of our charge as parents is that one day, in ordinary circumstances, our children will set up a home of their own. They will need to cook and clean; they will need to manage their money; they will need to be able to navigate public transport; they may need to learn to drive and understand the rules of the road.
ultimately, our goal is to guide them into Christian adulthood
There will be skills we miss. For many years, I hated making phone calls to someone I didn’t know; it was a skill I wasn’t pushed to acquire. I’m sure there will be many similar skills that I fail to pass on to my children. But I have made certain decisions about what I would like them to be able to do by the time they are adults.
There could be many reasons why I don’t want to do this. I might want to hold on to my child too tightly because I am afraid of them growing up; I might want to keep control of them and realise that skills give them freedom.
I remember hearing a grandparent describe her parenting role as providing ‘roots and wings’. They need the firm rooting of a seedling that knows it belongs and is loved and tended to. They also need wings to fly away. My last article tended to the roots, but this one invites you to examine the wing-making task - how do we do this well? Sometimes it may mean firm encouragement to go into a shop and purchase something (this was another of my gaps as a child); it may be letting them make that bus trip on their own; it may be having the discussions around money, tax, pensions and mortgages that we think they do not need to worry about; it may be allowing them to fall and to fail.
As our children grow up, let’s seek to grow them into Christ
Many of these traits are caught more than taught. We form our children as they accompany us through life and observe how we handle these things. But sometimes, we need to deliberately give them space to try for themselves.
Our children are becoming – Paul writes to the Colossians,
‘Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.’ (1:28)
Read more:
Your child is created by God - If that’s not your starting point then you’ve got a problem
Your child is a gift from God
Your child is uniquely gifted by God
When your child does something wrong are they to blame, or is it the influence of their friends?
Children can experience God now - parents need to look for that and name it
What Paul describes here is fundamental to parenting; we help our children reach maturity. This process will differ for each child, and we need to assist them in discovering what that looks like, but ultimately, our goal is to guide them into Christian adulthood. Take a moment to think about your child or children. What might maturity look like for them? One parent of a child with cognitive learning difficulties was eager to note that it would include cooking for themselves and doing their own washing and ironing.
Thinking spiritually, it might involve cultivating a love for reading Scripture or praying for the nations. It could also mean using musical talents to worship God. It may include managing emotions or verbal responses. As our children grow up, let’s seek to grow them into Christ.
