In his mini series Robin Barfield has reminded us of things we should not forget as Christian parents - In this his last installment he reminds us that our children belong to God and how transformative that is to how we parent them
Everyone is full of parenting advice. I ended up watching a silly video on social media of a woman knocking on a stranger’s door to criticise how his daughter was dressed. It may well have been fake! But everywhere we look, people have opinions about every aspect of parenting, from education to eating to sleeping. This can fill us with tension and anxiety. What do people think of me based on my child? This can be paralysing for us.
have I given my child too much? Too little? Have I paid them too much attention? Too little? Have I spoken too harshly to them, or should I be stricter?
Add to this the fear that we might mess up our children (or knowing that we almost certainly will), and we end up worrying about everything – have I given my child too much? Too little? Have I paid them too much attention? Too little? Have I spoken too harshly to them, or should I be stricter? I am very often aware of how my sin is clearly on display in family life through the way I respond and react. I pass on my flaws with unerring ease.
Philip Larkin wrote a rude poem about the mess parents make of parenting, entitled ‘This Be the Verse’. His conclusion was:
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
That’s one solution. But perhaps it is a little late for you and me. Maybe there is a better answer in the poems of Scripture. Psalm 100 clearly tells us,
‘Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.’
Read that verse slowly again. Maybe it’s a verse you are familiar with. Christians have been singing it for years:
The Lord, ye know, is God indeed,
Without our aid, He did us make;
We are His folk, he doth us feed,
And for His sheep He doth us take.
The connection is that because God made us, he owns us. We belong to God, and that is a wonderfully good thing. This also means that our children belong to God – they are more his than ours. We are merely custodians of them; we have them on loan.
When we worry and fret, we pass that onto our children, but when we sit in the peace of the Lord, it brings calm to our parenting
Perhaps we often forget this amid the rush of life. We act as if they were ours – making decisions about where they will be and what they will eat; choosing their bedtimes and which school they will attend. Yet even in all this, they still belong to Jesus. How often are we aware of this? I can only answer for myself that it is not very much.
This big idea should significantly change our outlook. We can stop worrying and fretting because they belong to the Lord. We can begin to let go because they belong to the Lord. When we worry and fret, we pass that onto our children, but when we sit in the peace of the Lord, it brings calm to our parenting.
Read more
Your child is created by God - If that’s not your starting point then you’ve got a problem
Your child is a gift from God
Your child is uniquely gifted by God
When your child does something wrong are they to blame, or is it the influence of their friends?
Children can experience God now - parents need to look for that and name it
Christian parents: Our job is to help our children become mature in Christ
How can we put this into practice? I suggest that committing our children to God in prayer becomes a morning habit. We bring them before him, the one who knows and owns them, and ask for his will to be done, not ours. We give thanks for the time that he has given us with them and commit our children to him. Acknowledging before God that they are his and not ours gives us a mindset that we are parenting in his sight.
take comfort that your children belong to the Lord; they are his. He holds them and tenderly cares for them as a shepherd
‘We are his people’ – reflecting on this verse in Psalm 100 brings home how mind-blowingly different this approach is for us. The Heidelberg Catechism was a set of questions and answers written in the 16th century in Germany. The very first question asks the respondent: ‘What is your only comfort in life and in death?’ and gives the response, ‘That I am not my own, but belong – body and soul, in life and in death – to my faithful Saviour, Jesus Christ.’ What a remarkable foundational statement to give.
We are so prone to forgetting so many things. That’s OK. We will make mistakes. That’s OK. But take comfort that your children belong to the Lord; they are his. He holds them and tenderly cares for them as a shepherd. ‘We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.’ Where we stray and get lost, he will lead his sheep back.
