Grandparents are key to the faith of youth and children

Watching Channel 4’s new series, Worlds Apart, where 12 strangers - young and old - take on the ultimate treasure hunt across Japan, I was struck by the instant connection between the teenage competitors and their pensioner companions.

There seems to be something powerful about these connections across the generations. Many of us will have memories of our own grandparents – and be able to identify how, even today, a grandparent has influenced us. There’s science to back this up. In a survey of teens in the United States, nine out of ten said their grandparents influenced their values and behaviours.

Christian grandparents in the UK lack confidence in their ability to share their faith with their grandchildren and feel ill-equipped and unsupported in their role

So it’s not a surprise to read in the Bible that God’s view is that the grandparent generation is full of wisdom that needs to be shared, as in Psalm 78: “He commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God.”

Recent research during the pandemic confirmed what many had suspected: Christian grandparents in the UK lack confidence in their ability to share their faith with their grandchildren and feel ill-equipped and unsupported in their role. Contrast this with God’s plan that the older generation has an important role to play in people’s discipleship and we can see a disconnect. The UK church urgently needs to rediscover what God’s plan looks like in the 21^st century – because if we don’t, our churches will be the poorer for it and generations lost.

If we are to redress this, we need to understand what has gone wrong.

Why do today’s grandparents feel they can’t share faith effectively with their grandchildren?

In one church, there was a remarkable man who’d been part of the church leadership for many years. He was wise and an inspiration to many. Yet when he reached his 65^th birthday, he announced his retirement from roles at church. ‘It’s time for the younger generation’, he said. My experience is that the grandparent generation can discount themselves. When so much of the focus in culture and in the Church is on investing in the younger generation, it’s possible for others to feel that because a career has ended or one begins to feel their age, you have less to contribute.

I see grandparents carrying the burden of grandchildren who don’t yet know God

Changes in society – the fragmentation of family life, the development of technology – can make it feel like the generation gap is wider than ever before. And family life itself can make faith sharing difficult – not just distance and busyness, but also faith differences mean that it can feel like there are few opportunities to share God with grandchildren.

And perhaps we as the Church need to take some of the responsibility. When I look around my church, I see grandparents carrying the burden of grandchildren who don’t yet know God. They may be carrying sorrow, shame or guilt, thinking that it is their fault. Yet for too many churches, these underlying feelings are unspoken. When do we talk about the significance and role of the older generation? How are we building their confidence, empowering them and giving them a voice? What can we do to say: we see you, and we’re here to help?

Read more:

Hear our Hearts - A new resource to help Christian Grandparents pray for their grandchildren and their grandparenting

Christian grandparents: An underused resource in the faith lives of youth and children?

Three Steps every church can take

There are three steps every church can take to start a grandparenting revolution that will unleash the secret weapon sitting in your pews.

1. Let’s start talking loudly about who God says this generation is: how God has equipped them to play a particular and vital role in the church and in their families. Talk about how influential they are – even if they don’t feel it – and why their stories are so important.
2. Equip them with confidence and skills. It’s not enough to tell them to share their stories, share their faith – we need to help them get started. Parenting for Faith’s book, Grandparenting for Faith, and the Grandparenting for Faith course, aims to do just that, simply and easily.
3. Empower their voices. Get them talking – whether that’s by creating more opportunities for generations to mix and get to know each other, asking them to share their stories of a life lived with God with the wider church.

As the Church, we have a responsibility to change that narrative and reinstate the grandparent generation as vital to the church - especially powerful in helping others understand who God is. And that responsibility, and privilege, belongs to all of us.