John Greenall: “Remember, your child needs you more than your expertise”

Dr John Greenall is a Consultant Paediatrician, ICF-certified coach, Christian leader and father of four, with over 20 years’ experience working with children, young people and families. He is the author of Connected Dad: Becoming the Father Your Child Needs, helping fathers grow in calm, confidence and connection with their children. John previously served for nine years as Associate CEO of the Christian Medical Fellowship and continues to speak, mentor and train Christian leaders. He lives in London with his wife and family.

Where have you come from and how have you got to where you are?

I was born and raised in South East London. My parents came from very different backgrounds, but met in London at church, which is where we grew up. Faith has always been central to our family, and it’s shaped the way I understand fatherhood. Now I have four children of my own, aged four to seventeen, so life is full and busy.

Professionally, I trained as a paediatrician and have worked with children and families for nearly 20 years. I started off in hospital medicine and now work more around neurodiversity, behaviour, and mental health. Alongside that, I’ve always been involved in church, served as a trustee for a Christian charity, and spent a few years working for the Christian Medical Fellowship, which was a time when my faith and work really came together and allowed me to speak into wider cultural issues.

A big part of my childhood was seeing other adults in church model life and even help parent me

Can you give us an idea of what it was like growing up in your family in terms of just general life and culture?

I grew up in a loving Christian home. My mum was a stay-at-home mum, my dad was a teacher, and we were deeply involved in our local church. Sundays were all about church, both morning and evening services. I have memories of being under my parents’ chairs, colouring, before the days of iPads and smartphones! We’d have lunch together and church was more of a community than a weekly event. Faith was normal and lived out, not just something explained.

A big part of my childhood was seeing other adults in church model life and even help parent me. My parents leaned on others for advice and support, and that sense of community just felt normal. I remember lots of little things: my dad bringing flowers to my mum, working extra hours, moving us from above a hairdresser to a different house, and my mum giving up work to be with us. I especially remember the fun, the rough and tumble play with my dad, trying to jump on his back and all of us laughing. He’d also joke, “Do as I say, not as I do,” while piling sugar on his cornflakes. But I definitely learned more from their actions than their words.

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Our family was quieter and meals were more orderly. We’d talk about politics, which is a contrast to my own noisy, chaotic home now, something that comes from my wife’s side! She comes from a big, lively family and our home has inherited some of that energy. My own upbringing was calmer, with board games at Christmas, while her family is a whirlwind. That contrast has forced me to be more creative and flexible in how we do things as a family.

How do you think your parents have influenced you in terms of your faith and outlook on life?

I think the answer is actually quite ordinary. My parents were just there, steady and supportive. It wasn’t about big gestures but about consistency. We didn’t have formal teaching times around the table, but we’d read together, talk, and I’d see them live out their faith—commitment, hard work, and sacrifice. My dad would take me to do things, and I’d learn by his side. Their faith was credible because I saw it in action, especially during hard times, like when we moved to plant a church. That wasn’t easy and didn’t “work out” in a conventional sense, but it taught me that faith is about walking with God through ups and downs.

I also learned there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to faith formation or discipline

As a teenager, I was always the obedient one, going to church, leading youth group and worship. But underneath, I was living a bit of a double life, wanting to go out with friends, sneaking into clubs, drinking. My parents knew, but they didn’t shame or lecture me. They were simply there, praying and supporting me. That steady presence made a difference, especially when I eventually found my way back to faith and a sense of calling to medicine, a path that opened up by God’s grace, even after I’d closed doors myself by not taking Chemistry A-level.

Faith was woven into our family life, as much in actions as in words. Church lunches, annual camps, letters from missionary relatives, and postal Bible school lessons were part of the rhythm. These things grounded my faith and made it feel lived and normal.

Did your family have any faith habits or traditions that formed faith in you?

Most of our traditions were linked to church. Sundays included meals as a church family. The annual church camp and boys’ camp became special places where God really changed my life; my parents went more for us than themselves. We also had missionary relatives abroad, so we’d sit down to read their letters and open little gifts they’d sent, and we’d send things back. My parents enrolled us in postal Bible school, which I loved, earning points and winning prizes for lessons. I’ve carried similar things forward in my own family, making learning about the Bible fun and regular.

I remember the birth of my first child, driving home at 2am, overwhelmed by the responsibility

Did you see things differently at all as you grew into adulthood yourself?

My church was strong on deep faith and holiness, but less so on intellectual formation. University challenged me with questions I hadn’t considered about the resurrection, suffering, or other faiths. I remember debates at Hyde Park Corner where my arguments were demolished, and I realised I needed more intellectual rigour. I see that curiosity in my own children now, and I’m intentional about discussing apologetics, listening to interviews, and encouraging their questions.

I also learned there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to faith formation or discipline. I started out treating my children the same way, with the same devotionals and discipline, but quickly saw that each age and personality is different. Timing matters; sometimes the best teaching moment comes on a walk or in the car days later, not at the dinner table. I’ve learned that connection often needs to come before correction.

If you could thank your parents for one thing related to your life, what would it be?

I’d thank them for their steady presence in all of life’s ups and downs. They held and supported me, loving unconditionally, and played the long game. Even when I made mistakes, they stayed constant, and that consistency has led to a strong relationship now.

being a father has exposed my weaknesses and my need for God’s grace and community

Let’s turn our attention to your family. What are your overriding feelings and memories of being a father?

Fatherhood has been joyful and meaningful but also challenging. I remember the birth of my first child, driving home at 2am, overwhelmed by the responsibility. There’s been so much joy; playing rough and tumble, building things together like a chicken coop during lockdown (which my son still talks about, especially because I bashed my thumb). I love getting to know each child individually, adapting to their interests, whether that’s watching sports, going to the cinema, or walks. There’s heartbreak too and being a father has exposed my weaknesses and my need for God’s grace and community.

What do you think the particular challenges were there that you faced as a dad?

Managing my emotions has been central. When I feel disrespected or out of control, the temptation is to try to make my kids comply, rather than asking what it means to love and guide them in that moment. I can’t control who they become, but I am responsible to love, guide, and model faith for them. Measuring myself or my kids against others is a real temptation, as is getting discipline right, balancing unconditional love with boundaries, especially in a world of screens and social media where there are no handbooks for parents.

I want my children to see me needing God, not just being told they need Him

Another challenge is helping my children live with being different. Christian parents face a spectrum between full integration with society and complete withdrawal. Navigating sports on Sundays, screen time, and the pressure to fit in is tough; children want to belong, but as Christians, we’re called to be different. That’s a hard ask for children and requires care and balance.

What do you think has worked well and not so well in terms of faith formation within your family?

Making faith ordinary, part of daily life, not just something for Sundays, has worked well. I want my children to see me needing God, not just being told they need Him. Allowing questions, encouraging their ownership of faith, and being part of a Christian community with other trusted adults who model faith has been crucial, especially for my daughter to see women in leadership.

Pursue connection and never let it go

What hasn’t worked as well is my initial attempt at a one-size-fits-all approach. I’ve had to learn to adapt to each child’s personality, even if it’s inconvenient. Discipline and teachable moments can’t be forced, sometimes connection must come before correction. I’ve also learned that timing matters; sometimes the most important conversations happen later, not when I plan them.

If you could give a piece of advice to yourself the day before your first child was born, what would it be?

Enjoy them at every stage. Don’t get pulled into the cultural trap of always looking ahead or bracing yourself for the “next stage” that people warn you about. Every age has its challenges and joys, and you’ll get plenty wrong, but that’s normal. Remember, your child needs you more than your expertise. No one else is dad to your child. You don’t earn that, you’re given it. Pursue connection and never let it go.