Gavin Calver: “celebrate your children. Too often parents moan about how tiring kids are. But children are a gift from the Lord.”

Where did you grow up, and what was your journey to faith like?

I was born in Wolverhampton, but we moved to London when I was very young. I grew up in Forest Hill, southeast London, with three siblings. It was loud, busy, very Jesus-centred and because of my dad’s ministry we got to see and hear about a lot of Christian ministry including best and worst bits.

Faith was normal at home. I never doubted God’s existence, the supernatural was natural to us. But I had to decide if faith was mine, not just inherited. For a long while I wasn’t interested. My siblings seemed perfect, while I was always in trouble. I was even banned from church at 14 for six months for being difficult and disruptive.

Petition heaven. Fast, pray, contend for your kids

When I was 17, my parents moved to America for my dad’s job, and I was not happy with that but by God’s grace 9 months later, the day after my 18th birthday party, I sat on a park bench in Forest Hill and gave my life to Jesus and because I’m an ‘all in’ kind of person I went pretty much straight to Bible college and have been in Christian ministry full time ever since, with stints at Youth for Christ and now Evangelical Alliance for the last 10 years.

It all just shows that God has a sense of humour. Everything that got me into trouble as a teenager is part of what helps me lead now. You can’t always be popular in my job and whilst you might not have guessed it at the time, my early life actual prepared me well for what I do now.

How did your parents shape your faith?

They modelled that Jesus is number one. It wasn’t just work for Jesus; it was a life centred on him. I’d often catch them reading their Bibles, and prayer was always the first response to good or bad news. They also taught spiritual disciplines in practical ways — like giving us pocket money and expecting us to tithe from it.

They weren’t perfect, of course. When I got banned from church, they initially sided with the youth worker, which I struggled with. Looking back, I realise the embarrassment it caused them, but I wish they’d been more in my corner then. Still, their prayers never stopped. They even asked ten people to pray daily for me when I was far from God — and when I became a Christian, I wrote to thank each one.

What lessons from your upbringing have shaped your own parenting?

First, the importance of prayer. My wife and I have prayed with our kids every night since they were born — and we still do, even now they’re teenagers. Until they were 12, we poured into them: Bible stories, songs, praying over everything. From then on, it’s been about keeping the relationship strong, creating space for conversation.

relationship matters. I want my kids to call me because they need me, not fear I’ll judge them

Second, modelling faith. Kids notice if you’re telling Bible stories more passionately from a stage than in their bedroom. I felt God challenge me on that, so I started bringing the same energy to telling my kids about Jesus at bedtime as I did preaching to adults.

Third, relationship matters. I want my kids to call me because they need me, not fear I’ll judge them. That means staying connected through things they love. For us, that’s football. We’ve had season tickets at AFC Wimbledon for years — the travel, the match, the time together gives space for real conversations.

What do you enjoy most about being a dad?

It’s one of the greatest joys of my life. The love you feel for your children is overwhelming. I was determined never to give them the worst of me, but the best I could. Parenting has also deepened my own walk with Jesus — realising that God is Father and I’ll never be more than his son has been powerful.

I also know my kids are very privileged — two parents who love each other, love Jesus, and love them. That’s unusual, so we’ve always tried to extend the table and include others, so it’s not just about our children’s benefit.

How do you balance family with such a demanding role?

We’re all busy, but I want my children to know they’re not less important than anyone else I spend time with. So, Anne, my wife, and I put rules in place: how many Sundays I can be away, how many Saturdays I can work without the family. I coach my son’s football team and try to be present.

Read more:

Andrew Stewart-Darling: ‘Cut yourself some slack, be kind to yourself, and be at peace with imperfection’

Tim Morfin OBE: “Parenting was overwhelming and beautiful all at the same time”

Chris and Jenny Lee: “We’re committed to an open, conversational approach to family life and one which affirms that our children are loved by God”

I once cancelled an important meeting with a major funder because my daughter was playing Mary in the school Nativity. I overheard her say: “All I want is for Daddy to be there when I’m Mary.” That was more important than any meeting. In the end, the funder sent us the money anyway, but even if he hadn’t, I’d have made the same choice.

What’s been the hardest part of discipling your kids?

The middle years. When they’re small, it’s easy to build habits. As older teens, we’ve had some great conversations. But in the middle, they became like Christian “know-alls”, they’d heard it all before, church seemed boring, and they didn’t seem that interested.

Time together matters more than quick fixes

We’ve kept going, even when they rolled their eyes. You have to remember Jesus spent 8,000 hours with his disciples, and even then, one denied him, one doubted him, and one betrayed him. Time together matters more than quick fixes.

If you could go back 18 years to before your children was born, what advice would you give yourself?

I’d say: they’ll stretch your heart in ways you can’t imagine, so don’t sweat the small stuff, point them to Jesus, do your best, and trust him with them. Parenting stretches you like a Stretch Armstrong doll, but it pings back. It’s hard in the moment, but it’ll be all right.

We want to give our kids roots and wings — roots in Jesus and family, but wings to go and live their own lives

We want to give our kids roots and wings — roots in Jesus and family, but wings to go and live their own lives. Last week my daughter left home for a YWAM discipleship school, and saying goodbye was devastating. But that’s what you want too — a relationship deep enough that goodbye hurts.

What encouragement would you give to Christian parents?

First, don’t panic too soon. If your child is 16 and seems far from God, don’t assume it’s over. Faith journeys take time. Keep praying, keep loving, keep the relationship.

Second, don’t try to do everything at once. When your kids show interest, don’t give them the whole gospel in one sitting. Take the moment but chill. Stay in relationship, even if faith isn’t there right now.

Third, don’t underestimate prayer. My parents’ prayers, and those of others they asked, made a huge difference in my life. Petition heaven. Fast, pray, contend for your kids.

Finally, celebrate your children. Too often parents moan about how tiring kids are. But children are a gift from the Lord. What you celebrate, you cultivate. We were told we couldn’t have children, so we’ve celebrated ours from the start. But whatever your story, look for joy, even when they’re difficult. They are made in God’s image, just like you.