After leaving an abusive relationship it can feel like a bomb has destroyed your life and those of your children - Caroline Chalkley helps Christian parents pick up the pieces
Walking away from an abusive relationship is one of the bravest steps a parent can take. Abuse doesn’t just break bones—it breaks trust, identity, and hope. When I finally walked away, I thought the hardest part was over. But the truth was, the journey had only just begun.
The bruises healed, but the deeper wounds remained. I felt drained and uncertain about what life would look like for me and my children. They carried their own fears: Would we ever feel safe again? Could life ever be normal after so much chaos?
I often pictured myself like a mother during the London Blitz—standing with her children in front of a bombed-out home. Everything shattered, smoke still rising—but the children’s eyes fixed on her, searching for comfort and direction. That’s exactly how I felt.
Abuse had stripped away peace and security, but God gave me his blueprint to rebuild
And it was in that place of devastation that God met me. He didn’t leave me in the ruins. His power gave me courage to leave, and His guidance gave me strength to begin again. Step by step, he showed me how to rebuild. What he did for me, he can do for you too.
Jesus said in Matthew 7:24–25: “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is like a wise person who built their house on solid rock. When the rain poured down, the rivers rose, and the winds blew hard against the house, it didn’t fall, because its foundation was on the rock.”
That promise became my lifeline. Abuse had stripped away peace and security, but God gave me his blueprint to rebuild—not on shaky ground, but on the solid rock of Christ.
Each small rhythm was another brick in the new home God was helping me build
1. Routine for your children
The first thing God led me to rebuild was routine. Abuse had left our home full of unpredictability and fear. My children never knew what the day would bring. But stability begins with rhythm.
So, I started small: bedtime at the same time, dinner together at the table, even when it was just simple food. At first, it felt ordinary—almost too ordinary—but slowly those small anchors restored peace. My children relaxed. They laughed more. They began to trust that life could be safe again. And I realised routine was as much a gift for me as it was for them.
Routine is powerful because it:
- Builds security: predictable patterns reassure children that their needs will be met.
- Eases anxiety: knowing what comes next helps them feel calm.
- Supports healthy growth: regular mealtimes, sleep, and schoolwork create balance.
- Strengthens your bond: shared rhythms—bedtime stories, family meals, outings—become moments of connection.
- Supports you too: structure makes responsibilities manageable and reduces stress.
Each small rhythm was another brick in the new home God was helping me build.
Read more:
Solo parenting can be a lonely job but there are ways through
Reframing our failures: Good enough parenting is good enough
2. Bringing Jesus back into the home
Abuse leaves behind a heavy shadow, but that shadow doesn’t have to stay. When I invited Jesus back into our home, his presence began to change everything.
One day, when fear felt overwhelming, I quietly put on worship music. To my surprise, peace filled the room. From then on, worship became part of daily life—singing, playing Christian music, listening to sermons. Slowly, the heaviness lifted, replaced by God’s peace.
Jesus promised in John 14:23: “If anyone loves me, they will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come and make our home with them.”
That’s what he did for us – he made his home with us. Where fear once lived, his presence began to dwell.
3. Looking after yourself
As parents, we pour so much into our children that we forget ourselves. But God had to teach me that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Healing meant learning to look after myself, not selfishly, but as his daughter—precious and worth caring for.
I began with small habits of self-care:
- Morning: a Bible verse, short prayer, gentle stretching, and affirming God’s truth: I am beloved. I am safe. I am restored in Christ.
- Daytime: eating properly, journaling, and staying connected with supportive friends and church family.
- Evening: writing my ‘Jesus list’—my needs and my children’s needs—then watching God provide in unexpected ways.
Self-care restored my dignity and strength. It reminded me that God hadn’t just rescued me - He was rebuilding me.
take courage. Lay one brick at a time. Begin with routine. Fill your home with worship. Care for yourself as His beloved child. And trust the One who brings beauty from ashes
4. Weekly and long-term rhythms
Alongside daily habits, God gave me longer-term practices that kept me grounded:
- Sabbath rest: setting aside a day to pause and delight in God.
- Church & fellowship: staying rooted in community so I didn’t feel isolated.
- Counselling & support groups: safe spaces to process and heal.
- Serving others: giving back, when I was ready, reminded me of my purpose.
- Nature walks & prayer: letting creation minister healing to me.
These weren’t burdensome rules, but gentle rhythms that kept me steady and hopeful.
God is standing with you, blueprint in hand, ready to rebuild something stronger than before
Hope beyond the rubble
That wartime image—the mother in the ruins—isn’t just about devastation. It’s about resilience. Everything may have fallen around her, but she was still standing, holding her children.
That’s you. You may feel weary, but you are still standing. And you are not alone. God is standing with you, blueprint in hand, ready to rebuild something stronger than before.
With him, your new home—emotionally, spiritually, and practically—can be unshakable. Its foundation won’t be fear or abuse, but Christ, the solid rock. And when storms come again—and they will—your house will stand.
A final word
I’ve shared this because I know someone else may need it right now. God brought me out of an abusive relationship by his power and his guidance. He gave me a new start. He showed me how to rebuild.
If you are in that valley today, please hear this: you don’t have to rebuild alone. God has the blueprint. His Word, his Spirit, his presence will guide you one step at a time.
So take courage. Lay one brick at a time. Begin with routine. Fill your home with worship. Care for yourself as His beloved child. And trust the One who brings beauty from ashes.
Because what he did for me, he can do for you.
