How to raise children who know they are loved by God - and you - even when they don’t “perform”

In part one, we explored the beautiful truth that God made sport as a gift, a joy, and a way to reflect His creativity. But let’s be honest: that can feel idealistic. We don’t live in a perfect world. Sport, like life, involves disappointment—injustices, injuries, losses, and rejection. So how do we help our children thrive in that reality?

The problem: An achieved identity

Andre Agassi, one of the greatest tennis players of all time, tells a powerful story in his autobiography: “I’m seven years old… I whisper: Just quit, Andre, just give up… But I can’t. Not only would my father chase me around the house with my racket, but something in my gut… won’t let me. I hate tennis… and still, I keep playing… because I have no choice.”

By seven, Agassi had already tied his worth to performance. He didn’t play for joy but because of fear—fear of his father’s rage, of failure, of being unloved.

This story isn’t unique. In sport, disappointment is inevitable. The question is: when it comes, what will our children believe about themselves? Will they feel safe, loved, and secure?

The truth is, sport makes a terrible god. If identity is built on winning or performing, it will eventually crush us. Sport constantly asks, “Are you good enough?”—and then compares, ranks, and judges.

Even the best athletes face this. England rugby legend Jonny Wilkinson once said: “It feels as if I spent years trying to fight depression with another title… another point. It’s never enough.”

That’s the danger of an achieved identity: it’s never safe—whether in defeat or in victory. As parents, we need to help our children build their identity on something deeper than sport.