Rethinking Christian hospitality for families who can’t do shared meals

Sophie Killingley explains why the dinner table looks different for neurodivergent families and why true welcome is about love, not a ’picture perfect’ meal

I don’t know how it happened, but somehow the biblical idea of ‘breaking bread’ and sharing food together, somehow warped into a 1950’s gravy advert. You know the type. The happy mother in an apron serving a large roast dinner with all the trimmings to her beaming children and guests while the father sits at the head of the table to lead them all in prayer.

Is having people round for food to share good? Sure! Food is a gift and a particularly special way of bonding, marking occasions and a great social leveller. There’s a reason why food and shared meals happen a lot in the Bible.

But somehow through the swathe of American evangelical tomes on parenting and church life, the gravy advert version of how a good Christian family practices hospitality, is the one we have accepted.

And for some, that’s kind of manageable. They love having a big group round and sharing food. And brilliant! They are a gift!

But for many, especially neurodivergent families, this is not even within touching distance. And the problem comes when this inability is then used as a barometer for the spiritual health of the family, rather than a realistic look at how neurodivergent families must function to survive. Shame is piled on. And value judgements made about their value as fully integrated ‘useful’ members of the Kingdom, who take things ‘seriously’.

Now why do you suppose Neurodivergent families may ……