Sara Taylor unpacks this new relationship phenomenon and helps Christian parents respond with wisdom and grace
Teenage relationships used to be easier to categorise. Dating had its rituals. You passed notes in class, had weekend meetups, or perhaps nervous conversations with a parent. Today’s landscape is murkier. Labels have given way to ambiguity. Many teens now find themselves in emotionally significant but undefined connections, otherwise referred to as a ’situationship’.
At first glance, it may seem harmless, just a modern take on teenage bonds. But beneath the surface, these blurred relationships often carry deep emotional weight. And for Christian parents, they can raise important questions: How do we respond wisely? How do we offer guidance without judgement? And how do we avoid silence or fear-driven control?
What is a situationship?
A situationship is an in-between space: more than friendship, but not quite a committed relationship. It’s marked by emotional intimacy, and sometimes physical closeness, but without clear language or mutual expectations. Those involved might spend time together but avoid defining the connection.
the lack of clarity can become a source of anxiety, insecurity, and sometimes heartbreak
For many teenagers, this ambiguity is appealing. It offers the closeness they desire without the vulnerability of commitment. A few years ago, when my eldest was at university, he spent nearly all his time with one girl. Naturally, I asked when we might get to meet her. He looked at me, slightly horrified, and said they weren’t dating, they were “just talking.” A year later, he finally mentioned they were now in a relationship. I remember thinking: if that wasn’t dating, what was? But it was a glimpse into how language and expectations have shifted.
For many young people, being emotionally involved doesn’t necessarily mean being in a relationship. And that’s where the confusion often starts, because as the emotional investment grows, the lack of clarity can become a source of anxiety, insecurity, and sometimes heartbreak.
What’s the draw?
There’s a cultural current that shapes the way young people relate. Social media has amplified the desire to be seen, wanted, and connected, without the constraints of commitment. Digital spaces like TikTok popularise trends such as the ‘talking stage’ or ‘soft launching’, where things are hinted but rarely made explicit.
they also point to a desire to be known and cared for
In this environment, vagueness feels safer. Being honest about feelings can be seen as risky or intense. Many teens worry that if they ask for clarity, they’ll scare the other person off. So, they stay in the middle ground, hoping, wondering, waiting.
And yet, underneath that ambiguity often lies a deep longing for connection. Situationships may reflect fear of rejection, but they also point to a desire to be known and cared for. It’s that tension that makes these dynamics so powerful and so complex.
What’s the cost?
Even without a label, situationships can feel real; marked by hope, investment, and emotional dependence. But the lack of structure means there’s little room for healthy boundary-setting or mutual accountability.
Spiritually, this ambiguity doesn’t align with the relational values we see in Scripture: clarity, integrity, mutual honour
One person might feel more than the other, but with nothing ‘official,’ they may feel they have no right to be hurt. This can create confusion, leaving them struggling to process their grief. Over time, it can diminish their self-worth. Spiritually, this ambiguity doesn’t align with the relational values we see in Scripture: clarity, integrity, mutual honour.
Scripture offers a deeper invitation when it comes to love; not just as a feeling, but as a way of being in relationship. In 1 Corinthians 13, love is described as patient and kind, not self-seeking or easily angered. It’s a vision of love that involves mutuality and trust, not ambiguity or confusion. Likewise, Philippians 2:4 reminds us that a healthy connection considers the wellbeing of both people involved.
While not every teenage relationship needs to last, we can help young people understand what it means to relate with honesty and care. Love flourishes in spaces where truth is spoken, boundaries are respected, and worth is not up for negotiation.
When fear creeps in
Hearing your child’s in a situationship may trigger concern, not just about emotional wellbeing but also about sexual boundaries. You are not alone. Many Christian parents instinctively reach for purity language: reminders of abstinence, warnings of consequences, and the notion of ‘saving oneself’.
Purity teaching derived from a desire to protect and to honour God with our bodies (1 Thessalonians 4:3–5). However, it can easily slip into fear, shame, or even misogyny. Whatever the intent, when communicated in that way, it distorts the gospel and places heavy burdens on young people.
Your child does not need moral panic, but safe, non-judgemental spaces to discuss relationships, sex, and emotional intimacy with honesty and curiosity
Perhaps you grew up with this yourself, hearing ‘purity’ was what made you valuable, and that once lost, something of your worth was gone. That message may still echo, and it can create long-term shame and silence in your child too. If they find themselves in a situation they did not anticipate, they may withdraw, afraid to speak or seek support from you.
Some young people become emotionally disconnected from their own desires, believing that even acknowledging attraction is dangerous. If you press purity too hard, you risk unintentionally reinforcing that disconnect. It does not foster healthy relationships. Instead, it drives secrecy, confusion, and poor decisions-making. And the worst part? If your child believes they have already ‘failed’, they may conclude there’s no point in trying to make wise choices going forward.
Even if you strongly believe that God calls us to relational holiness, it’s important to be cautious about how you frame it. Responding to a situationship in fear rather than love risks severing trust at the very moment your child needs it most.
Read more:
What Christian parents should know about the new sex and relationships education guidance
How Christian parents can teach their children about consent
Why should I wait to have sex?
Your child does not need moral panic, but safe, non-judgemental spaces to discuss relationships, sex, and emotional intimacy with honesty and curiosity. They need you to listen well, reflect openly, and stay present, regardless of their choices so far.
What can you do?
You don’t need to have all the answers. But your presence, your patience, and your posture matter more than you realise. Here are five ways to begin supporting your teen if they’re in a situationship:
- Listen, don’t label - When your child opens up, resist the urge to categorise or correct. Ask: “How does this make you feel?” and “Do you feel respected and safe?” Then listen.
- Affirm their worth - Remind your child that they are loved and valued, regardless of who they’re seeing, texting, or thinking about. Help them understand that their identity is rooted in who they are, not in their relationship status.
- Encourage emotional honesty - Talk about what makes a relationship healthy - not in abstract terms, but in everyday language. Ask: “What do you need from a connection to feel secure?” Help them reflect, not just react.
- Discuss boundaries without fear - Rather than laying down ultimatums, talk about boundaries as a way of honouring oneself and others. Offer your values with gentleness and be honest about why they matter to you.
- Stay curious, stay present - Check in without interrogating. Keep the door open for ongoing conversation, even if it’s messy. Your steady presence may be the most powerful influence in the long run.
Situationships reflect a cultural moment shaped by freedom, ambiguity, and a desire for cost-free connection. But your child does not have to navigate this alone. Your role is not to shame or control, but to guide with love and wisdom.
You can offer more than moral lines or rules; you can offer presence. You can ask better questions, hold space for honesty and growth, and show your child that real, intentional love is not something to fear, but something to build, one brave conversation at a time.
