More young people identify as bisexual than before - Andrew Bunt from Living Out reflects on what Christian parents need to know
When I was growing up, I didn’t know anyone who identified as bisexual. At school and college, there were a handful of people who quietly identified as gay (my own experience was – and continues to be – pretty much exclusive same-sex attraction, but although that started in my early teen years, I didn’t tell anyone at school). Looking back, I didn’t know any who identified as bisexual, or even that some people might. Chances are the same might be true for you.
it’s key that all Christian parents think through how you’d want to respond if your young person comes out to you as bisexual. You will respond better then, if you think about that now
But the same will not be true for your children. In recent years, bisexual identification has become much more common among young people. In 2023, the ONS found that in the UK, 7.5% of 16- to 24-year-olds identified as bisexual. In 2018, that figure was only 2.8%. In the same 2023 survey, only 3% of the 16- to 24-age group identified as gay or lesbian. Perhaps the most striking statistic was that 9.2% of young women identified as bisexual. That means in a group of ten young women, there’s a good chance that at least one of them identifies as bisexual.
This week has been dubbed Bisexual Awareness Week. It’s a helpful reminder that we need to be aware of bisexuality. Here are three things I think Christian parents need to know.
1. There are probably lots of reasons behind the increase in young people identifying as bisexual
An obvious question that flows from the stats above is, ‘Why?’. Why are so many more young people, and especially young women, identifying as bisexual?
To be honest, it’s hard to be sure, but there are a whole range of probable reasons. One will be that younger generations are more open to talking about their experience of sexuality and are more aware that sexuality often doesn’t always fall into binary categories. Mix into this the reality that during adolescence and into young adulthood our sexualities and our sense of self are still forming, and it’s quite possible that many young people are just using culture’s current language for the experience they are currently having.
Some young people may also opt for the label of bisexual because of an aversion to binary labels and a desire not to be boxed in but to keep their options open. Young people today are big on freedom – understood, I think, as the ability to do what they want and follow their desires without external restraint – and it seems some have come to view binary labels such as gay and straight as potentially oppressive because they might limit their options and so their ability to express their desires.
for some identifying as bisexual may give them a sense of identity and belonging as they feel they can now be part of the LGBTQ+ community
Others may view being straight as putting them in the oppressor class. They feel almost guilty (or perhaps even just boring) for being straight, but identifying as bisexual allows them to leave the oppressor majority and join an oppressed minority. Perhaps relatedly, for some identifying as bisexual may give them a sense of identity and belonging as they feel they can now be part of the LGBTQ+ community.
All of this is conjecture. I’d guess that sometimes multiple of these factors are at play, and I’d guess that sometimes some of the reasons are happening subconsciously, rather than consciously.
None of this means we should dismiss young people’s experiences or self-reporting. But it does mean we should listen well and seek to understand each young person as an individual.
2. Identifying as bisexual doesn’t mean a young person isn’t interested in or can’t follow Jesus
For many of us, if our child comes out to us as bisexual, we will be immediately hit by a load of panic and a load of fears. One of our big fears will probably be that our young person won’t be interested in following Jesus or even won’t be able to follow Jesus.
That’s an understandable fear. Our greatest desire should be for our children to know, love and follow Jesus. And we do know that the topics of sexuality and gender can be big barriers that stop or discourage young people from following Jesus. But it’s also a fear that can be unhelpful and can be out of proportion.
Your young person may not be rejecting Jesus just because they are identifying as bisexual. Don’t jump to the assumption that they are. And if they are, try and approach it as an opportunity for a conversation. Ask questions like: Why does being bisexual make you not want to follow Jesus? What are your fears, questions or objections to biblical teaching about sexuality? What do you believe about how we find true freedom or how we find who we really are? All of these questions are opportunities to start a genuine dialogue that can help your child think more deeply, explore what they believe and why, and explore what Christians believe and why.
engaging with a young person about their choice to identify as bisexual might provide great opportunities to talk about the gospel and all that Jesus offers to us through it
Also, notice that several of the reasons I mentioned above why young people might identify as bisexual are rooted in good, legitimate desires: desires to experience true freedom, to be those who bring justice not oppression, and to have a sense of identity and belonging. All of those are things we can experience most through following Jesus. That means engaging with a young person about their choice to identify as bisexual might provide great opportunities to talk about the gospel and all that Jesus offers to us through it.
And never forget that Jesus can save anyone and can sustain anyone in following him. If a young person is experiencing attraction to people of both the same and the opposite sex, that’s just an example of human sexuality being broken and marred by sin, and that’s something we all experience. That’s normal human life until Jesus returns. If following Jesus is costly, let’s not forget that’s exactly what Jesus has told us to expect (e.g. Mark 8:34-35). That’s normal Christian life. And if it seems impossible to us for someone to follow Jesus, it’s not impossible with God. All things are possible with God (Mark 10:27).
Read more:
5 ways Christian parents can respond to ‘situationships’
What Christian parents should know about the new sex and relationships education guidance
Why should I wait to have sex?
3. You need to prepare now to be ready then
Given how common it is becoming for young people to identify as bisexual, I think it’s key that all Christian parents think through how you’d want to respond if your young person comes out to you as bisexual. You will respond better then, if you think about that now.
If you’ve never thought through the Bible’s teaching on sexuality, identity and freedom, or if you don’t feel confident that you could help your young person to explore that for themselves, make it a priority to prepare yourself by doing that. There are now lots of good resources available to help us understand and communicate biblical teaching on sexuality. Take a look at livingout.org as a starting point with lots of free resources (including a free video series, Kaleidoscope, designed for young people). And if you want to prepare specifically for if your young person comes out to you, have a read of this article here on Premier NexGen.
