Question #1
I’ve recently started working for a church and my line manager is difficult – it doesn’t seem to be working. I don’t really gel with the team or their way of doing things and don’t feel supported. What should I do?
A. You don’t say how long you have been in your new role, but it sounds like it is still very early days. Starting a new job can be very unsettling for both you and those you are working with. You need to give it time, as being new means you can sometimes feel a bit like a spare part; everyone seems to know what is going on apart from you and it is natural to feel a little isolated.
Working with new people can also be very difficult, as a good working environment comes when we have made good relationships with people, and it will take time to build these relationships. Make sure that you do not start to get resentful and bitter towards your line manager, as this will only make things worse. I suggest that you both sit down over a cup of coffee and talk honestly about how you intend to work together – this will include how often you meet up, how you like to receive feedback and how you like to be encouraged. You should not say that what he or she is doing is difficult, but this needs to be openly discussed as well otherwise it will become a mountain for you both to climb if it is not nipped in the bud. The chances are that your line manager may not even know that what they are doing to make it difficult for you.
This goes for working with the team as well. It can be hard if you have only ever been a volunteer before and now you are employed to lead and manager volunteers, so you need to build good relationships with the people in the team as individuals. Ask if you can go around to see them for coffee and a chat. Go with an attitude of wanting to learn from them – listen to what they say and this will bring understanding for you, and I think you will find that they will start to gel with you. It is hard to gel with people who do not know you or you them.
There is a tendency to start a new role and want to change things; this is really not a good plan: listen, learn and keep things the same for at least six months and then start to introduce change slowly. As you build good relationships they are more likely to listen to you and be willing to change. You say you do not feel supported in your role, but what would ‘being supported’ look like for you? Sometimes we can have unrealistic expectations of how the team will respond to us when we start to work with them. Support is a two-way thing – you need to support them and then they will almost certainly give you their support. After all, the job of an employed member of staff is to support the volunteers in their roles.
It is still early days for you in the church, so take the advice given above and I am sure that things will settle down over time and you will feel more at home in the church and role.
Sharon Prior is a church leader and senior tutor at Moorlands Midlands Centre, with over 25 years experience in youth and children’s ministry
Question #2
Babies and toddlers make a noise and run about in our church service! What can we do?
A. ‘Ssh!’ ‘Tsk!’ – such expressions of annoyance are dreaded by every parent who takes children under five years old to church. How can churches keep parents, children and potentially disgruntled worshippers onside when tiny feet patter down the aisle?
• Don’t worry! Firm leadership is needed here. If your vicar wants to welcome children in church (and if not, why not?) then they need to welcome them explicitly before every service. I know many ministers say something like this: ‘A particular welcome if you are here with small children. We are very pleased to see you. Please don’t worry if your children make a noise or want to explore the church. I have a loud voice and our sound system will make sure that everyone can hear me. Thisis a robust building and the only thing your children might hurt is themselves. Please make yourselves at home!’
A clear statement like this will reassure parents and also those worshippers who worry that children are disturbing the vicar. Whether or not your minister says something like this, anyone in the congregation who is happy to see children in church should say so. One ‘Ssh!’ can put a new family off church; one warm welcome can have the opposite effect.
• What Would Jesus Do? Try following Jesus’ example in Mark 10:13-17, when he famously said, ‘Let the little children come to me’. Invite small children up to the front, where they can get the best view. Let them receive their blessing first at the communion rail and give them front row seats for baptisms.
• Be prepared! Fill individual cloth bags with a selection of soft toys and board books – an instant treat for under-fives in church. Create a cosy book corner or a soft den full of fleecy cushions. Make opportunities for noise, too, such as a selection of percussion instruments for children to use during the final hymn. In some churches, this is known as the noisy box!
Claire Benton-Evans is the youth and children officer for the diocese of Edinburgh and the author of many all-age resource books for Kevin Mayhew
