Patience is central to good parenting and yet so hard to nurture - Tabitha Heathcote encourages parents to seek patience through seeking God himself
“Lord, give me patience” - a phrase said by every parent whether as a prayer or just an exasperated sigh. Parenthood is long, hard and exhausting, and impatience is what parents unanimously struggle with most.
Patience isn’t a virtue that the world instills in us. In fact, the world seems to condition us to want quick fixes and instant everything, the fastest route to success or instant relief.
Our impatience may want our children to “hurry up” and grow, but God calls us to walk with them, to nurture them at his pace, not ours
They don’t tell you how much patience you must have as a parent. Having children means having to be patient. Patient through every milestone, the exciting ones and the boring ones. Our impatience may want our children to “hurry up” and grow, but God calls us to walk with them, to nurture them at his pace, not ours. Patience requires us to set aside our selfish desires and focus on God.
True patience comes from God, since it is an attribute of who he is. It is not something that we can achieve, but part of who we are because we are made in the image of God. In a beautiful description of what Love is (1 Corinthians 13), Paul’s lists patience as the first attribute. Preachers often invite their listeners to add their own names into that list place of “Love” “[…] is patient”- Oh how hard that is especially as parent. But our love for our children is not determined by how patient we are with them. Paul wasn’t giving us a checklist here to measure ourselves against. Rather, he was describing the very nature of God’s love, agape love, perfect love that is found in Him alone.
“Love is patient.” But the fact is, when we need patience, we actually need God.
Patience, like all the attributes of love Paul list in 1 Corinthians 13 is something that grows within us, the more we seek God and be disciplined to become more like Jesus, the more his patient love grows in us, transforming us and making us Christlike.
Patience forces us to slow down, to wait, to endure what is uncomfortable rather than escape it
Patience grows in us as we seek God. God wants us to be patient. Patience forces us to slow down, to wait, to endure what is uncomfortable rather than escape it. When we learn to be patient, we see and hear things more clearly, we enjoy life with our families more readily and more deeply. When we are patient, we don’t miss what is going on around us and in our family life. The more we use spiritual disciplines of prayer, reading scripture, participating in holy sacraments and fasting; the more we are shaped in his image. As his love grows in us, so does his patience. The more we learn to wait on God, the more we learn to be patient with our children. The more patient we are with our children the more we see and experience the patient love of God.
Our impatience blinds us and limits us
Throughout scripture we are called to first wait upon the Lord. Each of these are invitations to see and hear what God is doing, now and live more fully in the moments that God has ordained for our children and ourselves (139:16). Our impatience blinds us and limits us. However, patience leads to seeing God in all things, great and small, and treasuring the small sacred moments with our children.
There is a reason that Paul lists patience as the first attribute of love. From love comes patience, from patience comes everything else. As we grow as patient parents, we are demonstrating God’s love in action. Proverbs 15:18 says: “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel”. Patient parenthood leads to a peaceful home. Patient parenting models for our children how to be patient themselves. Ephesians 6:4 says: “Fathers, do not make your children angry, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord”. When we are impatient in our parenting, we provoke impatience and negative reaction, but when we respond patiently, we model God’s patient love to them.
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The world often diminishes patience as weakness, but God calls it strength. Parenthood always requires sacrifice, whether it be our bodies in pregnancy, our careers on hold, lost sleep, or the countless times spent building towers, only to be knocked down (and let’s not get into getting children to put on their shoes!). When sacrifice is offered with God’s patient love, the reward is a crown (Proverbs 17:6)
When we pray “Lord give me patience”, let our true prayer be “Lord, come give me more of you”.
