At the start of this new series Robin Barfield helps us to remember that our children are created by God and teases out what that means for our parenting
One of the first stories we tell our children is the story of creation. Most toddler material explores the issue in great detail - ‘God made my nose’, ‘God made my toes’, and so on. I remember spending weeks with a group of 3—to 5-year-olds, covering every part of them that God had made. We are keen to help children, particularly the youngest, know that they are created by God. This is intentional, purposeful, and delightfully done.
I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
We know this verse well. It has been a bright light as we reflect on ourselves. But it’s important to also reflect on how it applies to our children. They, too, are fearfully and wonderfully made.
if we lose sight of children as God’s creation, they become a project
And yet, as parents, we are so quick to forget this. I don’t mean that we actively deny it. We don’t look at our children and say, ‘I did all this myself!’ I mean that we functionally act as if we made them ourselves. Let me explain: If we lose sight of our child as created, we miss the gift from God that they are to us; we miss their giftedness (which we’ll explore in future artciles).
If we lose sight of our children as full human beings created by God, then parenting becomes a task, a project. Our children can become things that we act upon. Our job becomes to influence, shape, and mould them rather than enjoy and appreciate them as they are, as a first step.
Someone said to me a few years ago, ‘The problem with you evangelicals is that everything is about sin and salvation!’ At the time, I thought, ‘Yes, and what’s your point?’ But on reflection, I can see that if we lose sight of children as God’s creation, they become a project. Only seeing their sin and wanting them to seek Jesus in it means they become something we do things to.
If the focus of our parenting is getting them to change, then we are forming them in our image rather than in the image of the God who created them
This often becomes the focus of our parenting strategies – ‘How to have a child who…’, ‘6 Steps to Successful Parenting’. If the focus of our parenting is getting them to change, then we are forming them in our image rather than in the image of the God who created them. I have recently been re-reading an old parenting book from when my children were younger, which described ‘the parenting task’. It then suggested we set goals at each age and stage for what we wanted our children to become. Our own children become like any other family task – painting a bedroom, assembling a piece of furniture, fixing a leaky pipe – we want to proudly stand back and say, ‘Ah, I did it!’
So much parenting appeals to the ‘How To’ needs of parents. This is understandable; all parents feel out of their depths. All parents are looking for the silver bullet that means we can stand back and say, ‘Ah, I did it!’ All of the parenting approaches I have seen have missed this first crucial stage of recognising your child as fearfully and wonderfully made.
Name your child before the Lord and thank him for how he has made them
I confess my own guilt in this (and my children will also readily tell you)! It is very easy to see where our children get things wrong and seek to correct them—table manners, public behaviour, attitudes, and virtues. I often reflect on the days when my focus has been more on what I want them to be rather than on who they are. I have my expectations, and they rarely meet them.
This is not to say that we have no role in shaping and forming our children. That goes without saying. Parents have responsibilities to pray, teach, and demonstrate Christ to their children. Yet, if we do this without acknowledging that they are God’s, our children become projects rather than people.
Read more:
How Christian parents can help their children when they lie
3 ways Christian parents can help their teenagers see who God really is
Scottie Scheffler is an example for Christian parents on getting priorities right
I have just paused and given thanks for each of my children, thanking God for how he has made them fearfully and wonderfully. This has renewed my perspective on how I can help them live in the fear of the Lord, who has made them wonderfully. Is this something you can do each morning? Pause. Name your child before the Lord and thank him for how he has made them. Then step into the challenges that this day’s parenting will bring. Your child is created. They are a full human being.
