As it happens, it didn’t quite go that way. I spent most of my 15 minutes (I was TED talking while TED was still in short trousers) tripping over my own words and struggling to see what I’d written down (curse you, mood lighting). If the delivery was an issue, the content was even more problematic. In an oh-so-worthy-and- definitely-original attempt to challenge the group about reaching out to the unpopular people around them, I suggested that it was mainly undesirable people that Jesus tended to spend his time with. It was then that it happened (believe me, I remember this vividly): ‘Jesus used to hang out with all kinds of weirdos,’ I said, ‘his best mates were fishermen, he went for dinner with tax collectors, he even spent nights with prostitutes…’
Time stood still. ‘Obviously I wasn’t saying that Jesus, you know, spent “nights” with prostitutes,’ I tried to clarify, ‘it was more that he spent evenings with them.’ A small part of my brain started shouting at me, ‘JAMIE, THAT IS LITERALLY NO BETTER YOU COMPLETE CRETIN!’ Suffice to say, there was no coming back from that and the rest of the talk petered out in the way you imagine a talk in which you inadvertently accuse the Son of God of paying for casual sex would.
So it came as quite a surprise when I was asked to speak at youth group again a couple of months later. No telling off. No, ‘if you dare say something like that again…’ Just a debrief and another opportunity: the incredible power of a youth leader who trusted in me.
I wonder how much I trust the young people I work with. While it’s one thing to trust them with a youth service or small group, it’s another to genuinely trust their decision-making skills. Esther Hardy’s excellent ‘Let’s talk about sex’, maybe feature this month got me thinking about how much we genuinely trust young people when talking about sex. Do we trust them to make good decisions, or are we doing all we can to stop them making any decisions?
Often the way we talk about sex suggests that we’re harbouring a degree of fear. The basic ‘don’t do it’ doesn’t even come close to scratching the surface of our young people’s sexualised world. Are we scared that if we say any more than that they’ll be ‘doing it’ before the session has finished?
The reality is that young people are talking about sex already. They’re learning about sex already, often from incredibly unwise, not-to-be- trusted sources. If we’re not prepared to have frank, open and honest conversations about sex, even the bits that make us feel uncomfortable, then we leave young people open to receiving the worst kind of sex education. If we don’t talk about sex in all of its glorious but difficult fullness, then we fall short of the kind of conversations our young people need to be having.
The truth is, young people have this amazing capacity to surprise with their depth, their wisdom and their hard-to-pin-down- X-factor. My second talk at youth group was better, and by that I mean I didn’t accuse Jesus of sleeping around. How can you show the young people you work with that you trust them? Where can you broaden their field of responsibility or the range of things you talk about? They will, as always, surprise you in all of the best possible ways.
