Paul Kerensa: Parents ‘take sleep when you can and be kind. Not every day will be easy – but that’s OK’

Welcome Paul, thanks for agreeing to share your experiences with us, can we start with you telling us a bit about yourself?

Sure! I’m Paul Kerensa – that’s actually a stage name because my real name was the same as a pop star, so this identity gives me a bit of distance when performing. Off stage, I’m a husband and a father. I grew up in Cornwall until I was five, then moved to Surrey when my dad’s work took us there. I studied theology at university, then went to drama school – realised I couldn’t act, took up writing instead, and have been writing and performing comedy for the past 20 years.

Did you grow up in a Christian family?

Not really. My parents weren’t churchgoers, but village life in Surrey was very church-centric – youth groups, choir, Scouts – all ran out of the church. So I started attending, maybe initially as free childcare, but stuck around because I realised there was something good in the stories, the life, and the theology. My faith built gradually between the ages of 11 and 17, especially through summer camps. I eventually had that tipping point moment at around 15 or 16 and decided, yes, this is true and I’m all in.

And you studied theology at university?

Yes, at Nottingham. It was quite academic and not vocational – my New Testament lecturer even told us Christians wouldn’t leave the course with our faith intact! But I survived it. Along the way I discovered theatre and probably spent more time in drama rehearsals than lectures. Now, my work bridges those worlds – I preach occasionally, write for BBC, and perform comedy for churches and on the stand-up circuit.

Let’s talk family. Your kids are 12 and 14. What stands out from the early years?

One thing I haven’t mentioned is that I was born with a rare condition – my bladder was on the outside. I had surgeries as a child at Great Ormond Street and was told early on that I wouldn’t be able to have kids. That was part of my identity growing up – knowing that having children wasn’t likely. My wife and I didn’t expect to become parents, so when she became pregnant, it was a huge, joyful surprise. The doctors were baffled! So right from the start, we never took our kids for granted.

looking back to my own upbringing and the last 14 years of having kids just try to treat everyone with kindness, really. Listen and be kind

What were those early parenting years like?

Mad. Totally mad. Nothing really prepares you. With our first child, it was in at the deep end – hospital birth, new everything. By our second, we had a home birth and a bit more experience. We’ve always aimed for a flexible structure – routines, but with room for fun. Early on, we tried things like the “naughty step” but quickly realised we were more about talking things through. We focus a lot on recognising unmet needs behind behaviour, which has really helped. It’s not about finger-wagging, it’s about understanding.

What have been some of the bigger challenges?

For me, it’s knowing when to be around. I work from home mostly, but it’s not a typical 9–5. I don’t really clock off – gigs pop up last-minute, writing deadlines come in suddenly. Especially in holidays, the boundary between home and work disappears. I do admin at home, but for creative stuff I escape to a café – but juggling family and work is tricky. It’s all about balance, and I’m still figuring that out.

How do you go about raising faith in your kids?

We’ve moved churches a couple of times, which I actually think has helped. Our first church was a large, lively Anglican church with tons of kids. It was brilliant – they had age-specific groups and huge energy. Then the pandemic hit, and everything moved online. At one point we turned off the YouTube service and realised the church behind our garden hedge – literally next door – was meeting in the field and singing hymns outside.

Read more:

Chloe Swart: You don’t have to be a superhero parent. Just love Jesus deeply and live that out in front of your kids

Dave Newton: As a parent ‘put your confidence in God - in the one who holds your child more tightly than you ever could.’

Olly Goldenberg: ‘I am so grateful to be able to pass on the spiritual legacy of my parents to my children’

We gave it a go. It’s a much smaller church – sometimes our kids were the only ones there. But they were quickly invited to help; running the tech, doing puppet shows, acting out Bible stories. They were even trusted to write their own sketches and perform them during services. There’s something beautiful about that. They felt important and included. The vicar told me, “The worst that can happen is chaos; the best is that kids feel utterly involved in church life.” That risk paid off – our children love being part of it.

That’s a powerful picture of faith being nurtured in community

Yes, and we made sure they were part of the decision to stay at that church. They said they felt valued, and that matters. It’s not about flashy programmes – it’s about belonging.

If you could go back to the day before your first child was born, what advice would you give yourself?

Expect a rocky ride. Take sleep when you can and be kind. Not every day will be easy – but that’s OK.

This afternoon’s job is writing the eulogy for my dad’s funeral for next week, so I’m in that sort of mindset of thinking back and forward and legacy and all of those things. And I think really just looking back to my own upbringing and the last 14 years of having kids just try to treat everyone with kindness, really. Listen and be kind. You’ll be tired and frustrated but, in those moments, listen and be kind.