Anna Hawken: ‘I may have become a parent but that doesn’t change my core identity as a child of God’

Anna, what was your experience of faith as a child?

My parents both had a Catholic background but rediscovered faith when us kids came along, so they were kind of feeling their way into it as we grew up. We went to the local church. There was no separate provision for children on Sundays but I don’t remember that being much of a problem, we just got on with it and joined in.

In our home, faith was ever present. We regularly prayed at mealtimes and bedtimes. I had a plastic teaspoon stuck by my bed to remind me to say Thank you, Sorry and Please to God before I went to sleep. Prayer requests would go in the fruit bowl in the middle of the dining table so we’d remember, and we used to have lots of people’s photos on the fridge as prayer prompts too – it was all just woven into normal life.

My parents were very much co-journeyers with us, also sharing their experiences as they helped us make sense of our own

One key thing for our family was the New Wine Festival. We went on the recommendation of a family friend, having little clue what we were letting ourselves in for, but it soon became a powerful and formative family tradition. It was here that I first understood that being a Christian and part of the church meant being part of something so much bigger. I had powerful personal experiences of seeing God heal people, connect with me and speaking in tongues. After each evening session, we’d have an ‘apple picnic’ in our caravan where we each shared what we’d learned, seen God do or felt him say. My parents were very much co-journeyers with us, also sharing their experiences as they helped us make sense of our own.

We also had another family that we regularly met up with for food, silly games and prayer. Everyone, adults and children would share prayer requests and pray for each other. Again, it wasn’t made out to be a big deal, it was just something we did, but looking back on it the participative and authentic nature of that was very formative for me. I saw what faith looked like for other people and how God was relevant and real in the highs and lows of life.

How did things evolve as you grew into your teenage and early adult years?

I had a couple of difficult moments which were also formative experiences for me in my life and faith. Firstly, when I was about 14, there was a falling out in my friendship group and I ended up very alone in my school. I remember praying, saying to God that I was sure he couldn’t do anything about it but that if he could, I’d really appreciate help! And then, seemingly out of nowhere, this girl befriended me who was a really keen Christian. It was a life saver for me as a 14-year old girl and I learnt so much from her about reading the Bible and sharing faith. We’re still best friends today.

Then at university I had a really horrible dark moment where out of nowhere I felt incredibly lonely and desperate, it was like a dark presence surrounding me. It felt like a challenge, like I was being mocked for thinking that God was real or that He spoke to me. I knew I had to fight that thought. I got out a massive bit of paper and wrote in the middle: ‘God does speak to me’. After a couple of hours, I had filled every inch of that page with Bible verses, encouragements and pictures that God had given me. It was a pivotal moment for me as I understood clearly that a relationship with God is two-way. That we have to pay attention to what he’s communicating with us as well as helping others see and understand how he’s communicating to them too. This fuelled my passion for teaching ‘chat and catch’ in years to come.

How has becoming a parent changed you?

In some ways it has changed everything but in other ways it has changed nothing. That sense of responsibility and new role when you have your first baby and start muddling through can feel overwhelming. But also, I think an important part of becoming a parent is remembering that there are some things that do not change. Maybe most importantly that I am a child of a loving heavenly father. I may have become a parent but that doesn’t change my core identity as a child of God. Yes I am responsible for a child and have decisions to take but ultimately, I am not in control. God prodding me about this, led to a lot of journalling, which eventually became a book called ‘Being God’s Child: A Parent’s Guide’ - my attempt to help other parents like me lean into the God’s comfort, strength and support.

I absolutely love being a mum. But some days I do feel heavily the responsibility

I absolutely love being a mum. But some days I do feel heavily the responsibility of keeping these precious people not just fed and watered but physically, emotionally and spiritually health too and helping them to meet and know God for themselves. The Parenting for Faith approach of learning and using five key tools as a normal part of everyday life has really freed me from that though. Connecting with God is just part of how we do life, not another pressure or thing to try and cram in. I feel like my kids set the pace and rather than me fighting to tick certain boxes to be a ‘good Christian parent’, I can pay attention to what they’re at and what they need.

In that context what have you found that has worked well in your family in terms of nurturing faith?

Well with four children, one thing I like doing is taking opportunities to take just one or two of them to a Christian event or service. That gives me space to point things out to them, explore their questions and see things through their eyes that it’s easy to miss in the madness of herding them all on a Sunday morning. So it might be a worship night at church and I’ll take one of them and ask them what they see and what they think and what they like about what they see. I like them to see what faith looks like for different people and the many ways that people engage with God. Also to help them engage in a way that works for them and show them that people of all ages, stages and backgrounds can connect with God.

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I’m also keen on helping them to participate in church and community life – giving them purpose, ownership and opportunities to develop intergenerational friendships. I like to hear about what they see and where they feel God is prompting them to volunteer or contribute. Also giving them agency and decision making. Like, for example, when the Ukraine war started, my children wanted to offer to house some Ukrainians. We chatted that through with them and explained the sacrifices they would have to make if it was going to work and how to balance those with their values and what they feel God was asking them to do. That became a powerful lived example of praying for God to help people but also being part of making that happen.

And have you found stuff that hasn’t worked so well?

Well, we’ve actually really struggled with set bedtime prayers and mealtime Bible times and things like that. With four under tens, bedtimes and mealtimes are pretty mad in our house and I’m just living in our season and accepting those aren’t the best times for meaningful engagement for us at the moment. We’re much better at creating little windows for conversation and prayer, in the car or walking back from school or in the moment when something comes up. I like how normal, natural and unpressured that feels and that it releases me from guilt about not ‘doing more’ as a parent.

If you could say one thing to yourself the day before your first child was born what would it be?

God’s your parent first. Yes, you’re going to be a parent to these children now, and that is amazing privilege and responsibility, but ultimately God’s still your father and he’s the one to go to about everything. Ask God not google! (At least to start with). He knows your kids better than you do. He loves them even more than you do. There’s nothing he hasn’t seen before and he is your greatest resource for all of life, including your parenting.

That connection with God will sustain you as a person and as a parent. And in fact, if you care about your kids having a relationship with God as well, the best way you can do that is by having one yourself and then letting them see and hear it so they can figure out their own version.