5 ways Christian parents can engage with sex and relationships education in school

No parent relishes the prospect of ’The talk’ with their kids. And when it comes to the birds and the bees, Christians are no exception; talking about sex and relationships can be embarrassing for both parents and children. Uncertainty, or fear of “getting it wrong” often lead mums and dads to stay silent- even in Christian homes. My husband and I recently bit the bullet and broached the topic with our eldest son; it’s safe to say there were a few awkward giggles and some very red faces!

But if you have children being educated in the state sector, it’s vital to be aware that even if you are not talking about relationships, sex and gender with your kids, it’s likely that the school will be.

Christian parents have a God given responsibility to take the initiative with their children. We must uphold the beauty of the Bible’s teaching on relationships, marriage, family, the meaningful differences between men and women, and the ultimate purpose of these relationships—to serve and glorify God.

Facing reality

It’s vital not to be naïve or uninformed about the reality of the curriculum that your child’s school is delivering and how far it may diverge from what as Christians we believe to be true. Alongside benign topics such as ‘caring friendships’ and ‘family relationships’ the 2020 changes to the RSE curriculum also opened the door to topics such as ‘gender identity and ‘LGBT content’. This paved the way for activist groups to promote ideas that often clash with biblical truth. Resources like ‘The Genderbread Person’ and ‘The Dice Game’ gained traction, while a wave of organisations brought in drag queen story hours and materials that distorted equality law and ignored scientific reality.

It could be that you’re well informed and likely shocked and outraged by what has come to light in recent years. In 2022, former MP Miriam Cates warned the Prime Minister that “children are being indoctrinated with radical and unevidenced ideologies about sex and gender.” At PMQs, she exposed lessons including “oral sex, how to choke your partner safely, and 72 genders.”

While most schools aren’t as extreme, Cates and others have highlighted a real concern: inappropriate, inaccurate, and sometimes explicit materials are being widely used in RSE—and even in other subjects. Despite promises of clearer guidance, confusion still remains over what should be included- and excluded.

Christian parents will surely want to ground their children in biblical truth about relationships and sex and protect them from confusing messages. So, when concerns arise, how can they approach schools with clarity, confidence and wisdom?

1. Be informed

Before raising concerns, take time to understand what schools are legally required to teach. Read the statutory RSE guidance—know what’s included, what’s not, and your rights as a parent. Schools must consult parents and consider their religious background when shaping RSE policies. Though RSE is statutory, it’s not part of the National Curriculum, so schools have flexibility to tailor content. Be aware that some schools may go beyond what’s required, promoting ideological content across curriculum.

Even as you raise concerns, make it clear that you appreciate the many ways the school is serving your child

Organisations like the Christian Institute have produced helpful guides that explain what schools are required to teach—and what they’re not—helping parents understand where unnecessary content may be included.

Awareness helps you speak from a place of confidence and clarity- do your homework and find out as much as you can.

2. Be proactive at home

Don’t wait for the school to start the conversation with your children. Introduce these topics to your children within a biblical framework first. Help them understand the beauty of God’s design for relationships and sexuality in an age-appropriate and shame-free way. God’s word has much to say about the beauty of marriage (“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord” Proverbs 18: 22) and its purpose in childbearing alongside mutual companionship (“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him” Psalm 127: 3).

Use trusted Christian resources to explore the topic together- there are many to choose from! We’ve been working through Lovewise materials with our son and they are fantastic. Encourage open conversation, making it clear to your children that curiosity is not wrong and that they can come to you with questions without fear or embarrassment. But let them know that biblical truth about marriage and sex is not only right—it is good, and it leads to blessing and flourishing.

3. Be organised and strategic

If you do have concerns about materials used at school, don’t respond in haste; take a thoughtful and measured approach. Start with the most appropriate point of contact—this may be the class teacher, head of department, or pastoral lead. A one-off concern might be best raised in person or over the phone, while broader or more serious issues may require a written letter.

Most teachers are doing their best in a tough environment and aren’t driven by ideology or ill intent

How ever you do decide to get in touch, be sure to keep records of any correspondence and clarify whether your letter is a formal complaint or simply a note of concern. Being clear, respectful, and well-organised helps schools respond effectively and shows that you are engaging in good faith and not acting out of hot-headed anger. If concerns remain unresolved, don’t hesitate to escalate the issue and raise the possibility of a formal complaint to the headteacher. Where appropriate, connect with other parents who share similar concerns to show it’s not an isolated issue. Emphasise your right to have your religious beliefs respected. A formal complaint to the governors—especially if also registered with Ofsted—carries particular significance.

4. Be gracious

Remember that you are representing Christ in your dealings and while it can be tempting to take the moral high ground, it’s vital to “Let your gentleness be evident to all” (Philippians 4:5)

Approach any conversations with a spirit of humility and patience. Most teachers are doing their best in a tough environment and aren’t driven by ideology or ill intent—they often believe they’re simply doing ‘what’s right’. Most want to work with parents, not against them. Give them the benefit of the doubt until you’ve spoken directly and established the facts, you may have misunderstood a chain of events, or your child may have relayed information inaccurately.

Read more:

How to give ‘the sex talk’ as a parent

Sex and relationships need to part of our ‘everyday’ conversation

If mistakes have been made—whether by the school or by yourself—be quick to acknowledge them and accept or offer apologies when needed. Remember, educators are human too, and mutual respect goes a long way in building trust.

5. Be supportive

Even as you raise concerns, make it clear that you appreciate the many ways the school is serving your child. Communicate encouragement as well as challenge. Be the parent who volunteers, who sends thank-you cards, and who helps out at school events. A positive and collaborative relationship with the school can pave the way for harder conversations to be heard with greater understanding.

As Christians, we can’t quietly defer the responsibility of teaching about such formative topics to schools. If we do, we risk missing the chance to shape our children’s understanding through a biblical lens before the world does. Engaging well with schools is our opportunity to protect, guide, and help our children flourish in truth—rooted in the goodness of God’s design.