How the job description for Christian parents changes when their young adult goes off to university

Revision is finished. Exams are over. Prayers have been prayed and now it’s a waiting game. The next few weeks stretch out in front of you. And you can almost forget that the 14th of August is inching closer with each day that passes. The summer after A levels always feels like it should be calm, peaceful, a time for patient waiting. In reality, if you’re sending a young adult off to university in September, your focus is probably already on exam results and where they’ll be going. After that, your mind will jump to what accommodation they’ll be in, and after that, what equipment and supplies they’ll need to take with them so they can survive on something other than pasta bake 3 times a day. And, before you know it, September will be here and you’ll be in a car piled with stuff, driving down the motorway and trying to ignore the chorus of Slipping Through my Fingers playing on repeat in your head. 

All of this is normal. Thousands of other parents in the UK are thinking the same. ‘Where are they going?’ is an important question. But here’s another one to ask: ‘how are they going?’

Are they going ready to live for Jesus? Are they going prepared to take the gospel to their campus? Are they going as a missionary into the opportunity of a lifetime?

This is what will make the biggest difference to their time at university. Not finding exactly the right tea towel to take with them.

As a parent or spiritual parent, your role is far from over. Don’t write yourself out, but do write yourself a new job description

Whether you’re a biological parent, a godparent, a youth leader, or any kind of spiritual parent, you will have already invested so much in these young adults. Maybe you’ve walked with them from their first shaky footsteps to the first time they ran away from home after a tantrum to them creeping back in after their first night out. Maybe you’ve listened to them talk through difficult friendship groups or their first break up. Maybe you’ve prayed with them every week. Maybe you taught them to pray. Maybe you were the first person to tell them that Jesus loves them. Every moment you’ve invested in them will have helped to form their discipleship and grow their spiritual root system.

These roots are about to be tested. And your job isn’t done.

You don’t just have to wave them off and hope they’ll land on the right track. You can send them with purpose and direction. And if we put as much energy into preparing them spiritually as we did practically, the impact they would have right from when they take their first steps onto campus would be huge.

We’ve found recently that a third of non-Christian students want to read the Bible. 76% would say yes to going to church if a friend invited them. That’s not a campus, that’s a mission field. That’s more than 3/4s of this young person’s new flatmates who might say yes to coming to their church. 

For more than 25 years, Fusion has believed that every student should have the opportunity to find hope in Jesus and home in the local church. But far too often we see students arrive at university with this hope, but then don’t prioritise finding a local church to plug into when they get there. The hope fades over time, and then who is left to share the gospel with those who never had hope in Jesus to start with?

And are you letting them go, or are you sending them as a missionary?

I’m not saying this to dishearten you. I’m saying this because this is both an opportunity and a challenge. And it doesn’t have to start when they arrive in their new city. This can start now. Encourage them to go to studentlinkup.org and register where they’ll be going to university. They’ll be shown a list of churches in their new city that have committed to help students become disciples of Jesus and to inviting and releasing them into Kingdom life with Christ. Through Fusion’s Student Linkup, they can connect directly with student workers, find out more about each church, and shortlist churches they are interested in. Then, when they arrive in Freshers week, they’ll hit the ground running with a plan and be far more likely to commit to a church sooner.

Perhaps this is something they’ll want you to do with them. Perhaps they’ll want space and time on their own to do this. Either way, you can point them in the right direction to get thinking about this sooner rather than later. Could you encourage them to take a ‘pre-uni retreat day’ to make some space to spend some time with Jesus, praying about the years ahead and thinking about what church they want to go to when they get there? This decision could impact not just them, but their friends as well, so it’s one that’s worth taking some time over ahead of term.

As a parent or spiritual parent, your role is far from over. Don’t write yourself out, but do write yourself a new job description. If your child, or someone you know, is going to university as a missionary to their campus, they’ll need prayer partners to stand with them. Make space to pray for them intentionally over the next few weeks. Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart”. What are the desires of your heart for this young person? It’s probably not about what they eat or what they take with them. Your deepest desires are probably more around friendship, community, faith - the stuff that makes a difference. Pray these things for them. The packing list is what allows students to survive; your prayers will be what makes them thrive. As you pray for them, keep a note of any words, pictures, or scriptures that the Holy Spirit gives you as you pray. Then, send them with these prophetic encouragements to take with them as they go. You may also want to send them with something physical: the Fusion Student Linkup box has everything they’ll need to thrive in their faith at university and makes a great sending gift, either from a parent or as part of a youth group commissioning. 

whether you’re a biological parent or a spiritual parent, they are first and foremost God’s child. However much you care for them, he cares far more

Whether you’re sending them far away or just down the road, the upshot is that you probably will be concerned about them. But whether you’re a biological parent or a spiritual parent, they are first and foremost God’s child. However much you care for them, he cares far more. He isn’t surprised by their reaction to something you thought was normal. He doesn’t get annoyed with them when they leave all the glasses in their room. He is a better father, and a better parent, than you are. And this is great news! Because it takes the pressure off you - you get to hand them back to the father in prayer again and again. You may not get to go with them, but he will be there every step of the way.

As you find yourself drawn into the sinkhole to September, ask yourself: how are they going? Are they packing what they need to survive and are you praying that they’ll thrive in this new adventure? And are you letting them go, or are you sending them as a missionary? 

That tea towel you send them with will serve them well. But those years that you’ve poured into their discipleship, and now, their preparation for university - that’ll serve them far better.