Entering secondary school is a big deal - Lisa Skinner provides her top 10 things for your new year 7 to know about themselves, their school and their God
We blinked and it happened. Our youngest daughter, our baby girl, is starting secondary school this week.
She’s leaving the familiarity of a small primary school and venturing into a bigger world, with new people, new challenges, greater expectations and her first taste of independence away from us.
As we try to prepare her, and ourselves, for what’s next, there is so much I want to share from my own experiences. But like most 11-year-olds, and certainly all third children, she doesn’t think she has much to learn. I remember being exactly the same.
So, if I could go back and offer some advice to my 11-year-old self, these are the things I’d want to share.
don’t be afraid to be your authentic self
1. Be who God made you to be
You are fearfully and wonderfully made, created in the image of your Father God and made to be uniquely you.
Don’t change who you are for anyone. If being someone’s friend is conditional on changing your personality just to be liked, that’s probably not the kind of friendship you want.
God knows you completely, every strength and every weakness, and delights in you. His love isn’t dependent on your popularity, performance or ability to fit in, so don’t be afraid to be your authentic self.
2. You can’t inhabit two worlds
My problem at school was always that I wanted to run with the cool kids, but I also knew that I was a Christian. Spoiler alert, Christians are rarely the cool kids. I tried to be both, but in trying to fit into two worlds, I sometimes lost sight of who I really was.
Matthew 6:24 tells us that no one can serve two masters. Don’t become so concerned with fitting into the world that you lose sight of the God you’re called to follow. Try not to let the world squeeze you into its mould (Romans 12:2).
As you form new friendships, look out for those on the periphery
It’s exhausting trying to be two versions of yourself. Eventually, it can leave you feeling lost and alone. Decide who you really want to be, what you believe and what you want to stand for, and own it. There is something quietly powerful about living with integrity, being the same person wherever you are and whoever you’re with.
3. Value kindness
In a world that often puts self first, remember Philippians 2:3–4: “In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
You may achieve the best grades or the greatest athletic, artiGstic or creative success, but as 1 Corinthians 13:2 reminds us, without love we are nothing.
As you form new friendships, look out for those on the periphery. Notice the outsiders. Bring them in. Act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8).
hold things lightly
4. Find your tribe
Belonging isn’t about surrounding yourself with people who are exactly like you, but rather finding people who will walk faithfully alongside you through the valleys and mountaintops of life. Remember, “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17).
Good friends will help you grow, become wiser and encourage you to be better, like iron sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17). The people you surround yourself with will help shape who you become, so “walk with the wise and become wise” (Proverbs 13:20).
5. Worry less, trust more
Your life is in God’s hands, and he loves you more than you can ever know.
Jesus tells us to look at the birds, they neither sow nor reap, yet our heavenly Father feeds them. “Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:26).
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And, as my grandmother reminded me every year in my birthday card: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5–6).
Try to hold things lightly.
6. Failing helps you grow
You will make mistakes, and that’s alright, it’s how we learn. You are a work in progress, like clay in the potter’s hands. Allow God to mould and shape you into the person he created you to be.
Don’t let yourself be defined by achievement, popularity, appearance or other people’s approval
And when things go wrong, take them to him in prayer. You don’t have to carry the weight alone. Bring it all to God, the big things, the small things and everything in between.
7. Know where your worth comes from
Don’t let yourself be defined by achievement, popularity, appearance or other people’s approval.
Instead, ground your identity in the truth that in Christ you are chosen and dearly loved, without having to do anything to earn God’s love or favour.
Achievement and success are good things; work hard, aim high and celebrate your successes, just don’t let them define you or puff you up. Or, as we say in Northern Ireland, “don’t lose the run of yourself.”
Life is fleeting, and everyone leaves an imprint. What do you want yours to be?
8. Don’t place your trust in the wrong things
Psalm 20:7 says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”
Our modern-day chariots might be popularity, social media, appearance, relationships or influence. They aren’t necessarily bad things, but they make terrible foundations on which to build our security. Chasing them for fulfilment is like chasing the wind.
Everything else will disappoint you. Jesus never will.
9. Seize the opportunities God gives you
Our days are known to God, and every day counts. I lost four friends in a car accident when I was at school. They were only 17 years old when they died. It reinforced for me, at an early age, that life is precious and that we never know what a day will bring.
God knew every day of your life before you were even born, and each one presents an opportunity to make a difference and to be a light wherever he has placed you. He is placing you in this new school for a purpose.
There is something unique and fleeting about being young, so embrace it
Last year, I attended my year group’s 25-year school reunion, and I was struck by what people remembered about one another. Sporting accolades, school plays, practical jokes, relationships, but also something much simpler, who had been kind and who hadn’t.
Twenty-five years later, people remembered how others had made them feel.
Life is fleeting, and everyone leaves an imprint. What do you want yours to be?
10. Enjoy your youth
Finally, enjoy these days. I remember a friend of my dad’s telling me at secondary school, “These are the best days of your life.” Whether they were the best or not, they were certainly lighter, largely carefree times, a time to be silly and frivolous.
There is something unique and fleeting about being young, so embrace it. As Ecclesiastes 11:9 says, “You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth.”
These truths have been written down for us for quite some time, but the reality is that most of us are still learning these lessons as we go. I certainly am, 30 years on.
Maybe that’s part of what I want my daughter to know too, none of us has it all figured out. We are all works in progress, forever being shaped by God.
So, this week, we’ll watch our baby girl walk through those school gates and into a world that will be a little bigger than the one she has known until now. We can’t walk every corridor with her, choose her friends or protect her from every disappointment. But we can remind her who walks with her when we can’t.
And perhaps that’s the most important lesson of all, for her, and for us as parents.
