Why is God allowed to be angry but I’m not?

Last week we had our church family round for dinner. The house was bustling with adults and kids happily chatting, eating, laughing and playing. In an attempt to find enough plates for everyone we had to use the special plates that rarely come out of the cupboard. And inevitably one of the children dropped one of the plates in one of the doorways, causing it to shatter right where everyone was barefoot. In that split second I could choose compassion or frustration, anger or patience. We tend to view anger as a negative emotion in contrast to compassion, patience and love. It’s sometimes even seen as sinful. If that is true, then why is God angry?

Scripture shows us a God who expresses anger and frustration in a righteous way

God created us with a whole range of feelings which we all experience in wonderfully messy ways. We can help our children to embrace their emotions rather than suppress them, and to manage them in a godly way. Scripture shows us a God who expresses anger and frustration in a righteous way. I think my smashed plate scenario can help us understand the difference.

The reaction

I wonder how you react to a smashed plate situation. So often our anger is expressed impulsively and thoughtlessly whereas right anger is always measured and controlled. The first time we see God’s anger is in Exodus 4. God sends Moses to Egypt, but Moses gives excuse after excuse until “the Lord’s anger burned against him” in verse 14. Sound familiar? It reminds me of trying to send my child to bed! Look at how God responded: “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you.” God’s anger was measured and controlled. It didn’t explode in frustration or spout words of shame, instead he is compassionate and calm and helps Moses to obey.

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The Apostle James highlights the importance of controlling that outburst of anger. He writes “everyone should be slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires”. James should know, he was one of Jesus’ younger brothers, and in my experience, no-one gets more angry than a younger sibling living in the shadow of a brother who is always right! James had no doubt learnt the hard way that being slow to anger and full of compassion is always the best way to love your brothers and sisters.

The danger

Just like the shards of plate now covering my doorway, explosive anger is dangerous. The plate itself wasn’t a problem; it was how it was handled that made the plate dangerous. Our anger is the same, it is a God given emotion that when properly handled can be beautiful and useful. God uses all of our emotions, including anger, to help champion his kingdom and fight for justice and righteousness. When we mishandle our emotions, the fragile feeling can shatter and throw dangerous shards in unpredictable directions. Words and limbs are thrown thoughtlessly and before we know it the damage is everywhere. Just like a smashed plate, we can often still be finding shards of damage and clearing up the pieces of our anger much later.

When anger is properly expressed it restores the ministry of God in the world

Anger itself isn’t the problem; it is how we handle the emotion that matters. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin,” therefore it is possible to be angry and not explosively dangerous. Paul teaches that to appropriately express anger we must stop festering on a situation and forgive (4:26-27), we must use our words to build-up rather than damage others (4:29), and we must let compassion grow so that our anger is expressed through humility and love (4:31-32).

When anger is properly expressed it restores the ministry of God in the world: Jesus in anger overturned tables in the temple to facilitate proper worship (John 2:13-17). The Lord’s anger against the wayward Israelites helped draw them back into his perfect plan (Judges 2:20-22). And God’s anger against Solomon’s sin allowed his heart to be humbled (1 Kings 11:9-10). The anger of the Lord is always about restoring rather than damaging. God’s anger helps people rather than harms them.

The reason

When my plate got smashed there were some who expected me to tell the child off, but their remorse was evident, it was an accident. Pausing to see behind the mess into their heart allowed me to respond in kindness not condemnation. Searching hearts is God’s expertise! (Psalm 139:1-2, Jeremiah 17:10)

God’s anger in scripture is most often towards the people he is in relationship with, aren’t we the same? It is the people we love most that we get the angriest with. Have you ever wondered why? I’d suggest it’s because we know how beautiful and lovely they are, and we want better for them and for our relationship. Just like God did. That doesn’t mean we can be impulsive and dangerous in how we express our anger, but it does give us pause when we feel anger bubbling to thoughtfully express our frustration and feelings in a way that loves them properly and pursues their best.

God doesn’t suppress his anger; he expresses it in love. Let’s be families that do the same

Anger is a powerful emotion and can be incredibly effective at motivating change - like when the teacher shouts and the class suddenly falls silent. It is hard to ignore. When we use anger to fuel our passion for justice, righteousness, and compassion we begin to see God’s kingdom come just like Jesus did (Mark 3:5). The reason for our anger is too often selfishly motivated, but what if, like Jesus, the heart of our feeling could be for a desire to see God’s kingdom advance instead of for our own gain?

The Old Testament describes God as being “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” 9 distinct times (Exodus 34:6, Numbers 14:18, Nehemiah 9:17, Psalm 86:15, Psalm 103:8, Psalm 145:8, Joel 2:13, Jonah 4:2, Nahum 1:3). As parents we can model godly anger through controlled responses and calm words. We can help our children to express righteous anger that restores rather than damages. And together we can help each other recognise the heart of our anger - whether it is self-seeking or advancing God’s kingdom.

Here’s the bottom line: God doesn’t suppress his anger; he expresses it in love. Let’s be families that do the same.