If pride is a bad thing, then why do grown ups say they’re proud of me?

It’s the end of term! We’ve made it! No doubt your calendar has been full of various award ceremonies and celebrations of achievement over the past few weeks. It is good and right to recognise where our kids have done well. In a few weeks’ time teenagers will receive their exam results and once again as parents we want to congratulate them for their successes.

One of our go-to parenting phrases in this season is, “I’m so proud of you” or perhaps, “you should be proud of yourself”. But hang on, doesn’t the Bible condemn pride? James 4:6 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” So why do we encourage pride in our children if scripture tells us not to feed that feeling? Is there a way to be proud of our children and their achievements without inadvertently growing in them sinful pride?

you can acknowledge a job well done and be satisfied and content with what you, or your child has done

Celebration

In a culture of mental health crisis and crippling self-image encouraging positivity and self-worth is no bad thing. We want to raise children with healthy self-esteem, and so complementing and acknowledging their successes is a vital part of that.

God looked at all that he had made in Genesis 1 and said, “it was very good”. (Genesis 1:31) He was satisfied with his work and celebrated what he had done. But he wasn’t boastful. God’s satisfaction with his work at the end of creation was a fulfilment of his purposes, a right contentment in the completion of a job well done. And this same satisfaction in our work is God’s gift to us too (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13).

When you’re holding a glowing school report, or a piece of paper celebrating your child’s achievements, you can acknowledge a job well done and be satisfied and content with what you, or your child has done. As one made in the image, called to imitate the perfect creator, you can call out how your finished work is very good. You too can celebrate your children and their achievements, just as Paul does towards the Corinthian church saying, “I take great pride in you.” (2 Corinthians 7:4).

The beautiful gift of God to find satisfaction in our work can be so easily corrupted into pride when we let a good thing, become a god thing

Worship

However, we must not be boastful. When our celebrations belittle others or eclipse God’s worship then our praise of man (or children!) might instead be boasting. The beautiful gift of God to find satisfaction in our work can be so easily corrupted into pride when we let a good thing, become a god thing. When we focus too closely on the work of our hands, we forget that we, and all that we have, are the work of God’s hands. James 1:17 reminds us that every good and perfect gift comes from God. Everything we enjoy is the fruit of his work. Every talent, every skill, every opportunity, every ability is because God graciously gave it to us. Paul challenges our prideful attitudes by asking “What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?” (1 Corinthians 4:7)

We can, and should, be pleased with what we have done, made, or achieved. But as we focus on these good things they should be as signposts to the God who gave them, not as the end in and of itself. So perhaps a helpful question to ask ourselves when we want to praise our children for what they’ve achieved is ‘will it boost their ego or boost their worship?’ - simply put, ‘how can I help my child to see God’s goodness through this success?’

Nebuchadnezzar forgot that the success he was so satisfied with was actually and entirely God’s work, not his own

One of the big problems in our western culture is that we have become too able, too capable, too self-sufficient. We have knowledge at our fingertips and a work ethic that teaches us to keep striving until we reach our goals. “You can do it!” This is the trap that King Nebuchadnezzar fell into. He was capable, he was able, he had immeasurable power and resources. The problem was that he allowed his view of himself to eclipse his view of God. It is simply not possible to worship God when an inflated view of self is taking centre stage instead.

As King Nebuchadnezzar stood and surveyed his achievements he was “contented and prosperous.” (Daniel 4:4) He exclaimed “Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty?” (Daniel 4:30) and before his boast was barely beyond his lips God humbled him and reminded him that all that he enjoyed was the Lord’s to give and to take away. You see, Nebuchadnezzar forgot that the success he was so satisfied with was actually and entirely God’s work, not his own. It was supposed to reveal God’s glory, not his own.

Like Nebuchadnezzar we can easily believe that our effort, ability, or achievements are good enough for God

Humility

King Nebuchadnezzar moves from prideful boasting to announcing the details of his humiliation to the nation. This lofty king learnt the lowly lesson that “pride leads to destruction” (Proverbs 16:18). Nebuchadnezzar’s testimony finishes with praise to the Most High God “I honoured and glorified him who lives forever.” (Daniel 4:34) He was restored to his previous position of power, but his heart remained humble, his eyes stayed fixed not on himself but on his saviour. He no longer boasted in his riches, wisdom, power, or might but he boasted in the Lord - just as we are called to do too (1 Corinthians 1:29).

Like Nebuchadnezzar we can easily believe that our effort, ability, or achievements are good enough for God. The apostle Paul considered that his best achievements were garbage because true greatness is not attainable through any works but only through faith in Christ’s work on the cross (Philippians 3:8). He knew that our confidence is never in our ability, it is always entirely in Jesus’ ability.

The Lord has always been interested in hearts more than hard work, in faith more than findings, and in our attitudes more than our achievements

The only work worth anything before a righteous and holy God is the work of Christ. His obedience, his perfection, and his complete and finished work in salvation are the only thing God is looking at when he sees you or me. Whether your child is a straight A student and has a glowing school report, or whether you child has failed substantially this year doesn’t affect the Father’s “well done I’m so proud of you.”

The Lord has always been interested in hearts more than hard work, in faith more than findings, and in our attitudes more than our achievements. As parents our role is to encourage our children to grow in faithfulness and worship of God. So, as we celebrate the end another school year, let’s help our children to see their successes as signposts to a glorious, generous, God who is the only one truly worthy of worship