How can God be jealous if jealousy is wrong?

It is my daughter’s birthday this month, so we’ve been chatting about what she wants for her present. I’m sure you’ve had similar conversations in your home. What begins as excitement and joy can easily turn into covetousness and envy: “I want a bike like Lucy’s,” “I want the EXACT same phone as Mark.”

If you have a conversation with a bunch of kids about what presents they’ve received, then the jealousy is even clearer: “oh lucky! I wish I could have that!” or “mine is bigger/better/newer than yours.” Jealousy is just one of those emotions that we see so obviously in our children, and is quite hard to express appropriately, especially when thinking about gifts we’d like. Jealousy is deemed a negative “wrong” emotion, so why is it ok for God to be jealous?

Jealousy is one of God’s divine attributes - the things that make God, God

Over the next few articles, I’m going to explore some of the emotions that we typically experience negatively yet are displayed by God in scripture. All emotions are normal, God made us as people with a whole range of feelings - that is a good thing, even a beautiful thing! As we help our children with their emotions, we help them see that feelings aren’t to be suppressed, they are to be experienced. However, there is a godly way, and a fallen way, to express them. So, let’s look at 5 differences to help you to answer your kids when they ask, ‘why is God allowed to be jealous but I’m not?’

Identity or emotion?

Jealousy is one of God’s divine attributes - the things that make God, God. “I the Lord your God am a jealous God.” (Deuteronomy 5:9) Notice that the Bible doesn’t describe God as feeling jealous, it is who he is. When we experience jealousy for Lucy’s bike or Mark’s phone it doesn’t define who we are, it is simply an emotion we’re having. As well as being one of the many ways that we are different to God, it shows us that our emotions don’t define us (phew!).

We are fallible fractured people who sometimes feel jealous and sometimes don’t. But it is who God is, he is always jealous for us, he is never indifferent. He stays the same. That’s a good thing! That’s a reliable thing! Help your kids see the difference by asking them, “does this feeling describe who you are?”

Read more:

Will we remember our earthly lives in heaven?

What was Jesus doing on Easter Saturday?

Jealous for or jealous of?

Notice that God isn’t jealous of us, he is jealous for us. He doesn’t want what we have, he wants us. So often the things we are jealous of are just that - things. It’s about gathering possessions, power, or prominence. But God is jealous for praise. It is our hearts that he is after, not our stuff. The distinction is important because when we are jealous of others it drives a wedge between us relationally which is fundamentally in opposition to God’s character. He is a relational God. God’s isn’t a material jealousy, it is a relational one. When jealousy rears its head in your family, help your children understand that God isn’t seeking after stuff, he is pursuing his people.

All or half hearted?

The first-time scripture describes jealousy it is in the thick of family relationships. Leah is jealous of her sister Rachel’s loving attention from her husband (Genesis 30) and then a few chapters later other siblings are jealous of the loving attention their father gives their brother (Genesis 37). Their relational jealousy stems from a desire for love, faithfulness and devotion - exactly what God desires from his people.

God is jealous for the faithful love of his bride, something that is rightly his alone

However, the love that they envied was supposed to be shared, our love for God is not. The first and most important instruction God gives is that we love him with our whole hearts, not sharing or splitting that love with anything or anyone else (Deuteronomy 6:4-7, Matthew 22:37-38). God is jealous for the faithful love of his bride, something that is rightly his alone. You can help your kids spot the difference here by asking them, “are you jealous about something that is rightly yours alone?”

Deserving or undeserving?

This is a tricky one for kids because they often feel like they deserve a gift or treat simply because. Kids are wired for rewards and consequences of their actions, sticker charts and class dojos all reinforce that concrete thinking. This actually helps us explain jealousy to our kids with the gospel. Jealousy grows when we feel like we deserve something, but we have all sinned and so we don’t deserve anything at all! (Romans 3:23) The big difference is that God deserves everything. He hasn’t sinned. He alone is worthy and deserving. He can be jealous because all glory, honour, praise, and possessions rightly belong to him. You can use this opportunity to ask your children “why do you think you deserve this?” and enjoy unpacking the gospel of grace with them.

Godly jealousy isn’t at the whims of our fleeting wants; it is fixed on the reliable love of a faithful God

Selfish or selfless?

When we want what someone else has it is usually selfishly motivated. We want to look good or feel good. But when God is jealous it is because he wants to do good. God’s jealousy isn’t selfish, it is selfless. God is so jealous for us that he gives away his beloved only son. God isn’t looking to gain things he doesn’t already have; he is looking to give away all that he has to seek and serve the lost. It is because of God’s selflessness that we have anything at all (Rom 11:36). To understand the root of their jealousy, and to help your children grasp the big difference between God’s selflessness and our selfishness you could ask “do you want this to make you look or feel good, or to do good for others?

Scripture shows us that there is a right way to be jealous, a way that God has modelled for us. It is a jealousy that gives away, that only seeks what it rightfully deserves. It is faithful, relational, and ultimately rooted in building together rather than tearing apart. Godly jealousy isn’t at the whims of our fleeting wants; it is fixed on the reliable love of a faithful God. That is unshakeably good news for our big emotions.