Children can find it hard when family and friends come to stay at Christmas - Bethany Mcllrath provides some ideas on how to deal with the issues that arise
One of the cues that Christmas is coming is clearing space for company. Whether your kids are eagerly anticipating the buzz of having family round for a visit or are bemoaning having to share their space for days, you know there will be ups and downs when guests come.
You want the time when you are all gathered together to be special. Most of all, you want the time to be meaningful, pointing your kids to the reason that you are celebrating: Jesus. But in the inevitable highs and lows of visitors coming, how do you keep your family’s focus on Christ?
Recognising and talking about these emotions before guests come sets you up for a sweeter time together celebrating Jesus
1. Recognise the likely lows
The feelings we like to associate with Christmas are joy, hope, peace, and generosity. All of these are fitting for the celebration of Jesus’ birth! But some of the feelings we also experience are jealousy, greed, distraction, disappointment, and overstimulation. Emotions like these can keep us from experiencing the joy of Jesus at Christmas and the same is true for kids.
Recognising and talking about these emotions before guests come sets you up for a sweeter time together celebrating Jesus.
Even if these questions aren’t answered, asking them helps your kids see that you’re aware that having company can be challenging
Some great starter questions to ask kids as you prepare are…
- What are you most looking forward to?
- What’s something you think we might all do that you’re not really looking forward to?
- If so-and-so gets [to go first in every game, lots of gifts etc.], how do you think you’ll feel? What can you do if you feel that way?
- I love guests coming over, but sometimes it feels like too much. When you feel like you need a break, what helps you?
- What gifts has Jesus given you that you already love so much? I like thinking about that even while I’m getting new gifts.
Even if these questions aren’t answered, asking them helps your kids see that you’re aware that having company can be challenging. It prompts them to think ahead and prepare their own hearts, while reassuring them that you won’t be surprised if they need your help later.
2. Remind your kids of their options
Feeling stuck in the situation can amplify the lows of Christmas celebrations. A child might feel embarrassed about running to you in front of their cousin to ask for help. They might have too much fear of missing out to take a break when they really need one.
Even with reminders of Jesus all over, your kids will experience ups and downs throughout your Christmas celebration
Help them by talking through their options. Point out which spaces will be private and quiet, especially if you’re rearranging rooms to accommodate overnight guests. Suggest some alternative activities they can do if they’re overwhelmed during traditional activities.
You might even make a stack of “I need” coupons for each child to have on hand. For example, they can hand you their “1:1” coupon at any time during the celebration, and you’ll make time to go and connect with them away from guests.
3. Centre your routine on coming before Christ
Experiencing different rhythms and activities can be an exciting part of Christmas celebrations. But adapting to a different routine can also feel disorienting.
Centre your Christmas routine on coming before Christ to keep him at the heart of your celebration and to help kids remember they can come to him when they hit their lows.
You might…
- Create a gift bag for Jesus, for which everyone jots down a praise item to stick inside each morning
- Open an Advent calendar door and do a devotional and Bible reading at the same time each day
- Turn on fairy lights at the same time each evening as you sing a Christmas carol together
- Load up on books with Christmas messages that can be read when quiet time is needed
- Pray with your kids regularly, and especially in moments of meltdown, overwhelm, and upset
4. Come up with ideas, not plans
With so many fun traditions to keep and activities to try, it can be tempting to create a tight schedule for your Christmas celebration. However, the dynamics of social gatherings, and the preferences and emotions of those involved, mean that devising a strict schedule to follow can cause unnecessary tension.
So, instead of making plans, come up with ideas. Create a board; fill a Santa hat; encourage everyone to come with a card of suggestions. Collecting a bunch of ideas for things you might like to do gives options.
Then, in the moment, you will have simple suggestions on hand. You’ll be able to pick activities based on everyone’s current mood. Allow your kids one veto or opt-out each, in case at some point they are just struggling too much with participating. And yes, things like “30-minute quiet-time break” or “puzzle with Christmas carols in the background” are viable options to put on your activity list!
Read more:
4 ways to help your children understand the bigger story this Christmas
7 alternative Christmas gift ideas for your youth and children this year
Engaging your child in their Nativity play - even if they’re first lobster!
5. Weave reminders of Christ throughout your celebration
Between those parts of your routine that directly help your kids come before Christ, try to weave reminders of his presence and care for them throughout your whole celebration. This can be done quite naturally, reminding kids that they can always pray when they’re having a hard time—and can praise him in the best moments too!
- Decorate with Bible images and verses. Consider putting up a banner declaring “Jesus is with us,” or Christmas tree ornaments depicting scenes from the Nativity story.
- Read and listen to Christmas stories. They don’t all have to retell the story of Jesus’ birth directly, but enjoyable stories with Jesus-centred themes can help redirect hearts.
- Play Christmas carols and music. Mix up festive modern praise and old-style hymns to play in the background, sing along to, so that the soundtrack on repeat points to Jesus again and again.
- Include some Jesus-focused ideas in your activity options. Bake him a birthday cake together; throw him a party; put on a Nativity play; play pin-the-sheep in the Nativity.
Even with reminders of Jesus all over, your kids will experience ups and downs throughout your Christmas celebration. But as you prepare, create routines, come up with ideas, and shape the festivities, you can set them up to remember that in every moment, Jesus is with them. And that’s the best, most joyous news ever!
