Learning You, is a powerful faith-filled movie journeying through autism, tears and hope

When I was asked to review the new First Capital Films release Learning You, the story of an Autistic young person (Elijah) and his Dad (Ty), I thought it would be easy. You see, I’m Dad to an Autistic son myself, so I though “Hey, this will be a breeze”… I turns out that I was wrong; Learning You wasn’t just a story about somebody else, it was a story that spoke to me about my own story, and my son’s story too, and took us all on a road trip.

So, buckle up, be prepared for an emotional roller-coaster, and let’s watch ‘Learning You’ and learn from it together through the tears… we’ve got a few questions too…

The story starts at the bleakest of points; we meet Elijah and his Mum and Dad at Christmas at the moment that Elijah has had a major meltdown and has trashed the house in his distress. His Mum has called the emergency services; she and his dad (Ty) are at breaking point. Ty tries to comfort Elijah by telling him a favourite bedtime story about a boat sailing on the ocean looking up at the stars, while Elijah keeps saying he is ‘bad’. The emergency services arrive and Elijah is taken to San Children’s Hospital, a state-run institution. His Mum and Dad try to visit but are prevented from getting close to Elijah, who is forcibly restrained… it is harrowing.

Questions: How can we help families before they reach breaking point? How can we as God’s people bring love and care to young people in distress, and their families? How can we be Jesus to them? What does offering support to families look like in your context?

Seven years later and Ty and his wife are divorced, Elijah is still in San Children’s Hospital, and Ty is struggling at work because of the stress of his situation. He is being pressured to sign Elijah over to the state, something he is very reluctant to do. He starts to pray but then decides that as he feels God has quit on him, so he will quit on God “You’re fired!” We then, somewhat bizarrely, meet a giant, human sized, version of Elijah’s Nook Bear, who comes to Ty in dreams or hallucinations; the bear challenges Ty saying that he “has been drooled on, pee’d on, poo’d on and puked on, but he comes back clean every time, because Elijah needs him.”

Questions: Have we ever felt that God has quit on us? Have we ever quit on God? Why? Is there somebody that we come back for time and time again, no matter what, because they need us? Do we think God does that for us?

Ty asks to take Elijah out for a few hours, and it is eventually agreed that they can have four hours. During the trip out, Elijah gets very upset and says he doesn’t want to go back, and Ty decides they are going to have “Christmas at the beach”, a promise he had made seven years before on the night that Elijah was taken away.

As I watched this film, I saw so much of my son James in Elijah, and so much of myself in Ty

We also meet Reggie and Nancy Sinclair, first seeing them at church where the preacher is reading Jesus’ words “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” A passage we will return to. Reggie is a property developer that Ty is supposed to be designing a property for.

Ty doesn’t take Elijah back; they run away on a road trip moving from motel to motel. His career is in tatters, the design work is way behind, but Ty and Elijah bond again. Elijah delights in taking Instagram photos of his Dad asleep, with his face decorated by whatever Elijah can find. Ty’s boss sees the images and is furious. So, curiously, does Reggie’s wife, Nancy, who is feeling more and more disconnected from Reggie.

Questions: What do those words of Jesus speak into you? Have there been situations where you have had to make a big decision? Was it the right one? Why?

Reggie is stressed about the building design being so far behind; he wants to stop waiting for Ty and to get a new architect; to “fire” Ty. Nancy realises that Reggie is speaking about the same person she has seen on Instagram and says, “You’re not going to fire him, you’re going to pray for him”. Reggie looks at the Instagram posts, and his heart changes. We see him engaging with his own Autistic son, Stephon, singing the same song that Ty and Elijah shared on Instagram “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, down in my heart”.

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Meanwhile, Ty and Elijah have finally made it to the beach. Ty is still struggling massively; he has some poisonous berries with him and from time to time he looks at them as the only way out; but he looks at Elijah and stops. Ty has recurring dreams of being in a boat, the USS Elijah, in a storm; in one of these dreams, he promises Elijah “I won’t send you back!”

Questions: Have you ever had two separate worlds collide right in front of you? Have you thought that God might be sharing something with you through that? What?

Elijah and Ty are making sandcastles on the beach, they are having a great time, unaware that Reggie has brought Nancy and Stephon to stay for Christmas at the same beach too. Suddenly, Ty and Elijah and Reggie and Stephon meet, by the sandcastle, and build sandcastles and relationships together.

I know God has been there, and is still there, for me; I’m there for James, through the storm, through the tears, through it all

There is a Christian festival nearby, called ‘SantaFest’ and they all find themselves there just as the speaker quotes Jesus and says “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?” Reggie admits he needed to hear that, and that when he was younger, he had ‘fired’ God, causing Ty to reflect wistfully that “we all do stupid things”.

Questions: Have you ever built, or rebuilt, relationships over an ordinary activity like making sandcastles? Reflect back to the answer you gave to the questions earlier about the quote from Jesus; have you done stupid things? How did God help you learn through them?

Reggie invites Ty and Elijah over to their hotel apartment and they enjoy time together singing “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart”, but then a storm comes, and Elijah becomes overwhelmed and has a meltdown. Things get broken. Elijah once again, in an echo of seven years before, says he is ‘bad’.

Back at their own hotel room, Elijah realises that the sandcastle they made has been destroyed by the storm; he is distraught and begs his Dad to “make it better Dad!’.

Meanwhile, Reggie finds that Ty left his laptop at the apartment and looks at it to see if the designs for his property are on there. Instead, he finds designs that Ty has been working on, with no hope of them coming to fruition, for an ‘Autism Learning Centre’, a place where Elijah and young people and adults like him can be safe, valued, supported. Reggie is broken by what he sees and shows Nancy.

Questions: Have there been times when your joy has been disturbed by the storms of life? Have you cried out to God “make it better!” Are there times when you’ve been unexpectedly affected by someone else’s plans? Did God speak to you though that?

Ty and Elijah awake to find that Reggie and Stephon are on the beach rebuilding the sandcastle and join them. Reggie says to Ty that Stephon is God’s great gift to him, and that Elijah is to Ty. Reggie shares that he has seen the Autism Learning Center plans, and wants to build Stephon and Elijah centres across the country.

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Ty now has new purpose; he throws the poison berries into the sea and in one of those dream sequences in the boat he shows the plans for the centre to Elijah through the metaphor of a message in a bottle. Big Nook Bear is pleased with the outcome too!

Questions: Have you ever mended something that was broken? How is that a helpful metaphor for mending things in our relationships and feelings? Who is God’s great gift to you? Perhaps big Nook Bear represented God, helping challenge Ty on his journey; how has God challenged you? Who has he brought alongside you to help you?

Ty needed to love, to learn, to figure out what, and for who, God had put him on this Earth. Ty admitted he is still learning, but God is there for him, and he is there for Elijah.

The film cuts to two years later, with the first ‘Elijah and Stephon Home’ in place, and a thankful Mum, moved to tears knowing her child is cared for and loved there.

Questions: What do you need to learn? What is God showing you through this film? If God is there for you, who are you there for? What are you there for?

As I watched this film, I saw so much of my son James in Elijah, and so much of myself in Ty. I know God has been there, and is still there, for me; I’m there for James, through the storm, through the tears, through it all. Let’s go and build some sandcastles…