Are we inviting our children to Christ or to Christianity? There’s a big difference

Recently, I’ve lost my car keys, my glasses, my phone and, as a result, wondered if I might also be losing my marbles. Fortunately, the first three at least have been recovered (the jury’s still out regarding the marbles). But what about losing your faith? Is that even possible?

The phrase “losing your faith” is, perhaps, not helpful. What do we mean by it?

There’s clearly a huge difference between temporarily misplacing something and losing it permanently. However inconvenient, individual items can usually be replaced eventually and if necessary, or we may find that we can manage quite well without them. But if faith is the foundation for life, then we may be in more serious trouble if we perceive that to be lost.

As parents, we want to train up our children in the faith, in the things of Jesus. But hang on a minute: those could be two completely different things.

There’s a world of difference between faith and friendship with God. As parents, and as children growing up towards adulthood, we don’t want to fall down the tragic gap between those two things.

Are we selling our children short?

Not so long ago, my husband and I spoke to a young lady who termed herself “a missionary kid”. She was floundering spiritually, confessing that she felt she’d lost her faith. While she’d taken on some of the values her parents had held dear, she hadn’t really questioned, wrestled with, or owned them for herself and, consequently, she hadn’t pursued an actual relationship with Jesus Himself. Hers was an academic or cerebral faith, which had ticked some doctrinal boxes but failed to bring her life.

I’m not underestimating the importance of doctrine. There are some non-negotiables in our beliefs to do with the trinity, the virgin birth, the deity of Christ, the atonement, the resurrection, salvation by grace and the authority of scripture – all of which are vital truths. However, the apostle Paul tells the Corinthian church that: ”the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life” (1 Corinthians 3:6). In other words, if we rely purely on rules and laws, commandments and doctrine without the pulsating life of God’s Spirit, we’re on the dry path to spiritual death. Rather than life and liberty that come from enjoying God’s grace, we’re suffocating under an oppressive load that weighs us down in joyless bondage. We mustn’t sell ourselves or children short on this crucial reality.

I hadn’t ”lost my faith” – I was just dried out by truth without the life of the Spirit. 

I questioned much of this when I was student, convinced in the truths of the gospel but yearning for something more. Meeting the Holy Spirit was a revelation – like infusing a black and white picture with colour, or discovering more effective gears on a car.

I hadn’t ”lost my faith” – I was just dried out by truth without the life of the Spirit. An academic faith saw me robbed of the abundant life Jesus promised in John 10:10.

Lessons from marriage

I’ve been married for almost 40 years. I can’t lose that relationship, unless I choose to walk away from it. Despite the covenant promises I made all those years ago, my marriage hasn’t at all felt like an extended honeymoon. There’ve been tough seasons when I’ve questioned the wisdom of making vows before witnesses and God. Fortunately, they’re massively outweighed by brilliant times of laughter, adventure, companionship and intimacy, as we’ve grown and deepened our friendship. What’s been consistent is the assurance that the pairing has never been in any serious doubt. Not only did we both commit to not walking away, it’s an ongoing, living, organic relationship. When we don’t agree, we choose to dig in and resolve those conflicts, coming through them more united than ever.

Marriage is intended as a picture of our covenant relationship with God. It’s also designed to be an ongoing, living, organic relationship made possible through the grace of God, the reality of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Our responsibility as parents is to build foundational truths into the lives of our children that provide spiritual resources and a strong compass for life. Primarily, though, we must model and encourage a genuine, vibrant relationship with Jesus which, unlike a belief system, they can’t be argued out of.

Sometimes, our language is unhelpful. Believing in God simply isn’t enough. James 2:19 says that even the demons believe in God and tremble, or shudder in consequence. They know the spiritual realities of a living and victorious Almighty God, but they don’t yet bow their knee to Him. Judas lived in Jesus’s presence for three amazing years of teaching, discipling, living, witnessing and being part of Jesus’ miracles in provision, healing and deliverance, yet still betrayed Him with a kiss. John, however, was the disciple who had an enviably close friendship with Jesus. What a contrast.

Trust to weather a storm

Trust may prove to be a better term than faith when it comes to training and discipling our children. Those who’ve been taught about Jesus may not stand firm in the secular world, buffeted as they are by alternative view points and “progressive” (although often “regressive” in reality) ideologies. This kind of trust can weather the storms of disappointment, difficulties and tragedies – situations in which we are all forced to recognise where our spiritual temperature points lie and where our trust is strengthened through being stretched like a muscle. That’s the road to maturity. There are no short-cuts. 

It’s usually in a time of crisis that questions about the goodness and/or faithfulness of God arise. Embracing those realities in the good times helps equip us for the more challenging ones. Circumstances may change but He does not. Is that truth an objective reality in our lives?

Our ongoing relationship with Jesus must be authentic if it’s to carry any weight with our children.

We covet our children for the kingdom of God. We pray for them, fast for them, intercede for them, exhort them and set an example for them. Our faith in God – or our trust in Him – and ongoing relationship with Jesus must be authentic if it’s to carry any weight with them. Ultimately, they must choose for themselves and the consequences of their choices, just as we do.

Truly knowing Jesus is the most important aspect of a thriving spiritual life. In Matthew 7:21–23, Jesus cites people who will claim to have been following Him, but to whom He will have to say, “I never knew you.” Eighteen chapters later, that uncomfortable truth is revisited in the parable of the ten virgins, five of whom failed to be ready for the arrival of the bridegroom. Despite their pleas to be allowed into the celebrations, He reiterates: “I don’t know you.”

Friendship with God

It’s not our job to decide who is either “in” or “out” of God’s Kingdom, who is or isn’t part of His family, although the fruit of their lives may give us an indication of where they stand spiritually. The real questions both we and our children must ask are: Does Jesus know me? Do I know about Him or do I really know Him myself? Am I enjoying the fullness of abundant life into which He has invited and called me? If not, know that the invitation still stands.

It’s all about finding friendship, not losing faith. Are we calling our children to Christ or to Christianity? There’s a big difference.