What I would say to my younger parenting self about starting a new term

Tomorrow I’m gearing up for my 13^th year of ‘those’ first day of term pictures (in a garden or against a wall).. It began with my eldest’s first day at preschool with three other permanent additions along the way to the picture and various precious kids joining temporarily.

My eldest is a late August baby so she was just four and four days when she started school. I wept at the prospect of her being in school. I held it together with her at drop off then I had to take a long walk after to process my grief. At each of those early milestones, particularly with my first two children, I felt and wrote that I wished ‘time would stop’ – I’d be sad about the passing of time, I’d wish there was a way to reverse time or somehow pause it.

What I would say to my younger parenting self is that it is possible to miss moments of our children being little – the smell of a newborn, their cute mis-sayings as they learn to talk, being able to dress them to match (not a chance in over a decade in this house!) AND looking forward to, revelling in, being excited for what’s to come.

I got caught up a bit too much in the collective sadness and ‘I wish they wouldn’t grow up’ and missed the chance sometimes to be excited for what’s to come, to wonder about the opportunity of the new with and for them (and me), what new ‘firsts’ would come and (honestly) what new freedom or opportunities I may have.

All the children we’ve raised have been stinking cute as little ones. I have countless memories that I love returning to – my photos app occasionally ambushes me with reminders of smaller versions of my children ‘on this day’ a decade ago. There are times when I wish I could open a bottle to experience a moment again. There are times when I feel grief for those moments or elements of times that have passed.

That’s OK. In fact that’s right to feel, acknowledge, remember and process.