Ros Bayes found that the joy of the Lord helped her through the most difficult of times as a parent
The school holidays will soon be here. For some families that’s a brief respite – children who struggle with school and are misunderstood in the classroom will experience a welcome relief. But for others it can bring difficulties. Children who rely on the security of the classroom routine can be completely thrown out by the unpredictable weeks stretching before them. Not all summer holiday play schemes can meet the requirements of children with additional needs, so it falls to mum and dad. It’s doubly hard, of course, for single parents.
A visual schedule and timetable can help. Take 5 And Chat produces one which can be completed and stuck to the fridge door, so that children can look at it and see what has been planned. For some children this gives reassurance to the days that stretch before them.
Here is also a golden opportunity for church members to serve as the body of Christ. When my children were young, Church was my lifeline. My three daughters have an eleven year age spread. My middle daughter has quadriparetic cerebral palsy, autism and a learning disability. The routine of a school timetable was a vital part of her ability to cope with life, and holidays resulted in severe dysregulation. She is a lifelong wheelchair user, and at the age of 12 a scoliosis surgery left her doubly incontinent. Some mums in my church learned to meet her needs, got to know her and what activities she enjoyed, and took turns to give me a break for a half day here and there throughout the school holidays. A physiotherapist in our church gathered together a team of people and trained them so they could take turns to come round once a day and do her physio while I gave my time to her sisters. It would be impossible to exaggerate how much of a lifeline these people were to me, and I long to see more churches rolling up their sleeves and getting involved in practical ways.
I have been spending precious time with God first thing every morning and it has carried me through traumas, catastrophes and bereavements
Nevertheless, it was difficult. We were up six or eight times every night attending to her needs. Trying to make the holidays work for all three girls was a challenge. It came to a head one year when she spent the entire six weeks in a state of meltdown, screaming day and night. Multiple doctors’ appointments failed to identify whether she was in physical pain, and she lacked the vocabulary to tell us. She took to smearing poo all over our carpets and furniture, and even several bottles of disinfectant didn’t get rid of the smell. When school restarted, I had a migraine that kept me in bed in excruciating pain for 10 days. She had just started as a weekly boarder at a school for disabled students so I had more respite, but eventually the doctor had to prescribe something that made me sleep for a week until the migraine subsided.
The following year, as the school holidays approached, I was in church one Sunday when a thought dropped into my head, as if God were trying to catch my attention. “The school holidays will soon be here.”
“Don’t remind me,” I groaned.
“How will you cope? You don’t want to end up like last year.”
“I just don’t know.” And I felt the tears welling up.
Then, out of the blue a Bible verse popped into my head, and turned into a kind of conversation with God. “The joy of the Lord is your strength.”
I laughed ironically. “Where will I find joy? I can’t just manufacture it to order.”
“In my presence is fulness of joy.”
That took some time to process. The joy of God’s presence would be my strength. But how? Another thought popped into my head.
“You could get up earlier in the morning and spend time with me, in my presence.”
“You have to be joking,” I responded. “I’m already up half the night, I get so little sleep when she’s at home, how can I possibly get up any earlier?”
“When else would you find extra time in your day?” was the next thought.
“I wouldn’t!” I reacted. “I don’t get a spare second in my day. But I can’t do with any less sleep.”
It was as if God shrugged and said, “The choice is yours. You can carve out more time to spend with me. Or you can end up like last summer.”
“Ok,” I said, “But I can’t set an alarm. My husband won’t thank me for waking him up early. If You want me to get up, You’ll have to wake me.”
The first morning of the school holiday, I was wide awake at 5.30. I tiptoed out of bed, picked up my Bible and crept downstairs. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I began to read a passage from one of the gospels. After a few minutes, I started to talk to God about the things that were troubling me. I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of His presence, and with it, His peace filled the room where I was sitting. It felt natural to get down on my knees and worship. About 6 o’clock I heard my husband starting to move upstairs, so I went and put the kettle on. I didn’t know where the time had gone and was amazed at the degree of calm that I felt. Day one went well.
Read more:
Siblings of youth and children with additional needs need support too - Here’s five things Christian parents can do
Christian devotions at home for children with additional needs are hard but worth working at
When parenting advice doesn’t work: Understanding PDA in autistic children
Next morning I was again wide awake at 5.30. I had been up multiple times during the night as usual and was very tired. But the memory of yesterday’s delightful half hour with God was enough to propel me out of bed and downstairs. Again, I ended up on my knees, overwhelmed by the joy of God’s presence, and feeling a love for him that I had seldom felt before. The following morning I was awake at 5 o’clock, notwithstanding the very disturbed night we’d had, and I couldn’t wait to get downstairs and have that precious time with God. It was as if he was waiting for me in the living room and this time I just knelt down straight away with my face in the big armchair and shared a wonderful time of fellowship with him.
Were the school holidays difficult that year? Yes. But I really did have a joy that became a strength and carried me through it all. I’ve never been a morning person, but that summer holiday established a lifelong routine. Ever since then, I have been spending precious time with God first thing every morning (not 5am now that my children are grown up!) and it has carried me through traumas, catastrophes and bereavements. The joy of the Lord has become my strength. If you are dreading the summer holidays, ask God to wake you up early every morning so that you can spend time in his presence, falling ever more deeply in love with him and finding strength in the joy he gives. You might think it sounds completely unrealistic but I can testify that it works.
