Christian parents can help their children broaden their sources of online information - Andy Flannagan explains how
In my last two articles we saw:
- how we and our children are faced with a technological problem, whereby the technology we use (and the companies behind them) push us to attend to the immediate rather than the longer-term relationships in front of us and
- how we and our young people have an image problem where secondary identities take the place of our primary identity as made in the image of God.
These combine lead us to situation where we and our kids are increasingly tempted and encouraged to group into tighter tribes and demonise the ‘other’. This is not working out well for our society.
But rather than simply railing at technology companies or political figures we do need to look at our own hearts and lives and those of our families
But rather than simply railing at technology companies or political figures we do need to look at our own hearts and lives and those of our families. Let’s remind ourselves of what Jesus has to say:
To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” (Luke 18:9-14).
Virtue signalling is nothing new it would appear! Being seen to be doing the right thing, and maybe even then not really doing it… or by the fact that you’re reporting it, undercutting any innate value it had.
How do we get them to look beyond Tik Tok and what the algorithms are feeding them?
The Pharisee is saying what our social media posts (or maybe even our private thoughts) are really saying…
“Lord I thank you that I am not like these Trump voters.”
“Lord I thank you that I am not like those woke students.”
This parable fits us Brits neatly because we are natural relativists. When asked how we are we say we are “Not too bad”. We are defined in relationship to the tax collector.
I’m alright, I’m not a murderer after all!
You’ve no doubt noticed that so far, I have just been talking about me and us – the older generation, who have probably clicked a link to find help with the younger generation. The painful thing is that we need to take the plank out of our own eye before we attempt to perform speck surgery with our kids. It’s us who have taught them through our weddedness to our phones and who have made it clear by our constant usage what wondrous portals to joy they are. Throw in a billion-dollar industry refined to harvest and exploit their attention and you have a toxic mix.
My wife is a psychotherapist who works with teenagers. There are so many situations where meaningful progress is not possible until you have also worked with the family of the struggling child. Context is not everything, but it has a huge impact on behaviour. In this issue, perhaps our first action point is to put some healthy boundaries on our own phone use, to model some vaguely healthy attitudes and not pass on our addiction.
Read more:
How Christian parents can help their families navigate disagreement in their communities
How Christian parents can help their families navigate political turmoil
You see because most of my generation grew up building real relationships in the real world, the online thing has been a fun flirtation or augmentation of that reality. What we didn’t realise is that that laziness would disciple the next generation into a screen-mediated existence without the helpful guardrails of pre-existing real relationships.
So, let’s think more squarely about our kids then. How do we help make, ‘what’s happening now’ not their only info stream. Even if for some of them it’s less likely to be Gaza and Trump and more likely to be Sabrina Carpenter and Harry Kane, how do we get our heads receiving a broader infostream? How do we get them to look beyond Tik Tok and what the algorithms are feeding them? Here are five ideas you can try:
1. Draw diagrams of your infostreams
Diagrams always help me understand things. What about drawing a timeline stretching back into the past and off into the future and placing us at NOW, in the middle. Now ask the question – where on this line do you get your information from? Granted you may get plenty of Dr Who commentary about paradoxes in the space-time continuum but it might help them to think about their infostreams and how focused on the now they are.
It might be a good way to encourage some ancient wisdom to become part of their stream. Christian Scriptures are full of the wisdom of God that has been a part of the life of the church for 2000 years and passed the test of time. But also, what might getting info from the future look like? Don’t get me wrong I believe the primary role of the prophet is to speak truth into the NOW, but surely there is also something of speaking of what we see coming down the line. We are informed by the wisdom past but also wanting to live with integrity in light of the future.
What happens to an organism if all it has is NOW. A tree wilts without its history. Without the coming autumn and then winter there is no resource and room for summer.
Now encourage them to draw another line. Do we receive our info just to ME? Or should we receive some info communally so that it can be interrogated. This is one of the incredible purposes that youth groups and the wider church serve. We are designed to discern together. Can open communal discussion around the challenges we face in the world become part of the weekly experience our children have of the church?
2. Be smart phone free or encourage smart phone free times
We wouldn’t (or couldn’t!) let our kids drive formula 1 cars as their first cars (forgive the painfully middle-class analogy) – unfettered access to smart phones is dangerous for everyone especially those whose brains are still developing. Simple (non-smart?) phones can provide the same connection we feel we need with our kids without out-sourcing their discipleship to Musk, Zuckerberg and their ethics-free milieu and we can practice keeping small and large screens packed away. Bring them out to be used, sure, but pack them somewhere so they aren’t a constant. Grab hold of some tech that allows you to monitor phone and data usage.
3. Engage with what they are doing online
Get on Tik Tok and Insta, so you can have conversations about the air your kids are breathing. Yes you’ll look like the very uncool dad or mum at the school fete, but this stuff is too important to care about that. Aks them what they are engaging with and engage with it too.
4. Encourage your kids to raise their eyes above and beyond the NOW
Regularly asking the question with your kids, “What is God doing?” to make it the primary question in the household rather than “What’s happening?”.
5. Get into physical games
Replace the desire for screen-based gaming with escape room puzzles, board games and treasure hunts. Get outside. Allow the natural exploration and boundary-stretching to happen in healthier places. Form rock bands with them. Form folk bands with them. Work a bit less. Talk to them while they still listen to you.
I don’t think we are going to realise for a few years exactly how hard growing up is going to be for this generation. We are going to have to invest so much more time than our predecessors in the wake of the forces raging against their health and wellbeing. I’m praying that in the midst of that we would see moments of joy and that we would changed in the process too.
