Simple Truths started as a parenting programme about thirty years ago in Dallas, Texas. At the time, Mary Flo Ridley was a mother of young children who wanted to be able to answer questions such as, ‘Where do babies come from?’ But she didn’t feel equipped to do so. So, Mary Flo developed resources for her children, which then grew into workshops that she offered to parents of children, from pre-schoolers to pre-teens. These spread to be used in schools, churches and small groups. Hester Bouwer came across the resources in 2012, when she realised she didn’t have the answers for her five-year-old son’s questions. She bought the programme and started to run it at her church, but the materials spilled over into being able to talk about sex education at home too. Hester takes over the story:
Today, my son is eight years old. He knows all the mechanics of sexual intercourse and treats it as normal knowledge. More importantly, when the topic comes up, nobody cringes, blushes or tries to change the subject. My son knows that it is an adult thing we’re talking about; married adults who are committed to each other. He also knows our values as well as the basic biology.
I genuinely think that this idea, this resource, is a game changer. It changes how we think about more than just sex chats. It makes you think about why you take certain stances and how you want to make the best possible attempt to get to the end goal.
When Mary Flo Ridley was facing the questions of her own children, she was assigned the subject of sex education by her local mums’ group, to research and report back to the others. In her mind, she definitely was not the right one for the task. In her own words, ‘My parents never even used the word “sex” out loud.’
Despite her uncertainty, she started her research with doctors, psychologists and nurses but all the information gained left her wanting more real help. What they were all saying related to the later years by which point it was too late. Children are naturally curious and ask questions as toddlers, yet we choose to dodge and ignore those questions. As a result Mary Flo thought about the concept of starting early and she put it into practice with her own kids. Her husband was doubtful at first, but soon saw the benefits and has been her greatest supporter for many years. Mary Flo has been a speaker at schools, churches and seminars for more than 25 years.
Simple Truths UK started towards the end of 2014 when I passionately felt we need to start talking about this in the UK. I still work in very close partnership with Mary Flo and we talk almost weekly as she mentors my work. What has been such a benefit for my family could benefit hundreds of other families, as parents we need to know the Simple Truths of talking to our children about sex. By means of facilitated workshops at schools, churches and even small groups I share this incredible programme with others. By sharing our values, thoughts and the simple mechanical information of sex we protect our children with real knowledge, instead of leaving them open to the world to input twisted bits of information.
Above all, we are the trusted source of information that build an open relationship with our children from a young age. The programme consists of six steps which look different in their application for every family.
Whether you are a family of faith, or not, this is what you need to think about as you embark on this journey:
Step 1. The message (What is the main thought about sex your hope your children understand?)
Step 2. The vocabulary (Are we using anatomically correct and respectful words?)
Step 3. Birth (What is the amazing story of birth? Exactly how will that baby get out?)
Step 4. Reproduction (The overall design that is present in all living things.)
Step 5. Conception (Exactly how did that baby get in there?)
Step 6. Launching into adolescence (Where do we go after the basics?
I’ll finish with a statement of MaryFlo’s that sums up what we hope for families as they go forward having taken the course: ‘It is the start of a conversation, not the whole conversation.’
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Hester Bouwer is the workshop facilitator for Simple Truths UK