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A couple in our church are about to adopt for the first time. How can we help the child (a toddler) settle into our church, and support the parents? 

A: Here are four ideas to start you thinking…

1. Prepare Nowadays everyone is encouraged to celebrate the gift of adoption openly. Church leaders should prepare to enthusiastically celebrate the new arrival, although the pace of this may need to be set by the family. Some parents celebrate the moment the child is matched, others when the child moves in, and others several months later when the legalities are finalised. The celebrations may need to be restrained as the child may be suffering grief and disorientation in the early weeks. The new parents too may well be feeling anxious about the complexities of both immediate and potential long-term emotional and behavioural challenges that children coming from difficult backgrounds can have. 

2. Welcome Many churches offer families with new babies support by providing evening meals for the first week; if this is your practice, offer this to the adopting family. And remember to welcome parents and child into the appropriate midweek activities. It may be important not to ‘crowd’ the child early on – they need to be developing a bond first and foremost with the immediate family so offers of cuddles or crèche or ‘a break’ may not be appropriate. Some churches have developed an adoption liturgy as a tweak on the standard dedication service or infant baptism.

3. Support Adopted families need support not just for the first few weeks but for life. Understanding the long term impact of trauma, chaos and abuse in a child’s early life will help us to offer continued patience and grace as we walk alongside adoptive families.

4. Learn Watching how an adoptive child is welcomed and loved unconditionally despite their unique needs, challenges and uncertainties gives us a wonderful visual aid of our own adoption. Our identity as God’s adopted children is our highest privilege as Christians. The Bible illustrates it through the wonderful stories of adoption and fostering: Miriam and Moses, David and Mephibosheth, Naomi and Ruth, Esther and Mordecai, Joseph and Jesus. They can all serve to normalise and legitimise adoption in the church’s story, and help adopted children know how central adoption is to God’s heart. 

Krish Kandiah is director of churches in mission and England for the UK Evangelical Alliance. He and his wife Miriam’s new book Home For Good (Hodder, 2013) explores how the church can help vulnerable children through fostering and adoption. Join the ‘Home for Good’ campaign at eauk.org/homeforgood 

 

Several of our volunteer Sunday school leaders are new Christians. Is this ok? How can we help them develop? 

It is exciting to hear of new Christians enthusiastic to minister to children. I got involved in helping in Sunday school just four months after becoming a Christian at the age of 21. It was a hard thing to do, as the children knew more about the Bible than I did, but I learnt a lot from them.

It is definitely a good idea to get new Christians involved, but aim to reflect on the following things alongside them:

1. What is their motivation? Do they genuinely have a heart for seeing children grow in their faith? In my experience children see through adults who are not involved for the right reasons. So you might want to check this out with them.

2. What is their vision for the ministry? Associated with motivation is the area of vision. What do they hope to see God do through them in supporting children in their faith journey? Do they just see the children’s work as a reason for not having to be in the church service?

3. What are their gifts? You need to think about what they bring to the team. What gifts do they have? It is so important to help Christians to identify the gifts that God has given them and put them in a place where they can exercise their gifts.

4. What training do they need? New Christians will not necessarily know how they should minister to children and so will need some training. It might be worth helping them by giving them practical books to read – the Scripture Union ‘Top Tips’ series may help here.

5. How will you support them in the ministry? Who can they go to if they have questions? It is important to have a support network of prayer and also a sounding board, so that they do not feel too out of their depth.

6. How will you evaluate their input? How will you give them feedback on their input? It is so important that everyone working with children has regular feedback, so that they can grow and develop in the role. 

Sharon Prior is an experienced trainer, mentor and leadership coach catalystraining.co.uk 

 

We have a set of about 10 minutes of worship at the start of our service before the children go out to their groups. But we don’t seem able to engage under 5s in this block of all-age worship. How can we get them involved?

The under 5s can bring so much life to the church with their contagious joy and lack of inhibition… but they can also bring chaos if they’re not engaged! I know as a mum with three under 5s that it’s no fun being in a church where my little ones are bored; the worship time becomes about survival and snacks! But don’t despair. There are several things you can try.

Under 5s are wired to love music, whatever the quality. They are not usually fussy about what they dance to, but the environment and atmosphere we create in our churches either helps them to worship or hinders them. They will thrive in church if the worship time feels a) familiar and safe, b) if there’s permission to be fun and free and c) if the time of worship is truly inclusive. How would you rate your worship time against those three principles?

So, firstly, try to ensure that even if your worship is pitched a bit above the preschoolers there is always one familiar song that the littlest ones can belt out. Keep a small bank of songs at any one time so that most of them become really familiar. Invest time teaching and talking about new songs. Encourage the worship leader to speak to the little ones as well as the adults.

Make sure that there is consistency in how your ten minutes together are spent so that the under 5s know what’s expected of them. For example, when we lead ‘Worship for Everyone’, we always invite the children to the front, and when it’s that time in the service, you can see the little ones running from their chairs with great confidence because they know the plan, week in week out.

In terms of fun and freedom, actions are one great way to loosen up the entire church and release praise and joy in the pews. I recommend you use adults or older children to lead the actions from the front. This helps under 5s to feel included, as they copy the leaders and can participate even if they can’t read.

Finally, encourage their parents to model how to worship by joining in the singing and actions with gusto! Being inclusive is as much about the adults as the children. If the youngest ones see the rest of the church engaging, they will almost definitely get drawn in. 

Becky Drake oversees worship for New Wine LSE along with her husband Nick. They are also the founders of worshipforeveryone.com 

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