Four ways Christian parents can respond to the ‘Gen Z stare’

As the smartphone has developed over the years, users have increasingly been able to benefit from the catalogue of functions that it offers. Some would say that the ‘Do not disturb’ setting is one of its greatest successes, silencing incoming calls and other alerts and offering the user some headspace. Alongside this development has been the evolution of the ‘digital native’, a term coined to refer to Millennials and the generations following who grew up after the 80s amid a technological revolution that has seen life leap onto screens. Against this backdrop, one of the most topical discussions in contemporary western youth culture is the emergence of the ‘Gen Z stare’, coupled with a closely related attitude – ‘nonchalance’ – amongst young people. I can’t help but notice the similarities between the ‘Do not disturb’ function and these recent fads.

‘Gen Z stare’ and nonchalance

Even in the last year, employers (and customers) have expressed their agitation with the blank, disinterested, and ‘emotionless’ facial expressions they’ve met with when engaging with Gen Z employees. These visages have been referred to as ‘the Gen Z Stare’.  Much like the ‘Do not disturb’ function, this body language has been interpreted as an inability to engage meaningfully in social situations and a reflection of the generation’s ‘unavailability – typical of a ‘socially awkward generation’. Not only does it appear that they lack social skills, like engaging in small talk, but this deportment suggests to employers a reluctance to work hard and an ignorance of (traditional) office culture, which is compounded by the unwillingness to be patient in career progression – probably fuelled by our instant gratification culture (e.g. Amazon Prime and Deliveroo). As you might expect, this is anything but fashionable in the workplace.

Amongst young people, being unmoved and unphased is now the new swag

Arguably, the Gen Z stare can be located within the context of a broader trend amongst young people – ‘nonchalance’. As a youth worker, I’ve been stunned by how popular this term, ‘nonchalant’, has become amongst young people – despite how much of a mouthful it is just to say! It has become ‘cool’ amongst teens to appear unbothered by either stressful situations, like upcoming exams, or even in the wake of good news, like good grades. Amongst young people, being unmoved and unphased is now the new swag. Yet, whilst remaining calm in stressful situations is admirable and can be a great asset during trying times, the hazards of pretence and unprocessed emotions are more likely to wreak havoc if nonchalance is lauded uncritically. Further still, people deny themselves the healing that comes from having a friend or family member stand with them in difficult circumstances (Proverbs 17:17) – and this is where the beauty and blessing of relationships is really felt in life, where intimacy is cultivated.  What’s more, celebration is one discipline that God intended for his creation to enjoy (Nehemiah 8:9-12; 2 Samuel 6:21-23), another experience with healing properties (Proverbs 17:22).

It would be tragic to see the emergence of generations that don’t know how to accept the invitation to ‘pour out’ their hearts before him (Psalm 62:8)

Contra the wisdom of nonchalance, the vagaries of life demand a willingness to cry and grieve when it is time to do so – as well as to laugh and dance when it is time to do so (Ecclesiastes 3:4). It would be tragic to see the emergence of generations that don’t know how to accept the invitation to ‘pour out’ their hearts before him (Psalm 62:8), because culture shuns such behaviour. Outside of the biblical guidance, even Gen Zers are lamenting the catastrophes that nonchalance is producing in their romantic relationships.  We might be inclined to just blame contemporary ‘Do not disturb’ culture on the technological revolution and the instant economy; but is there something deeper at play? Something to inspire compassion rather than overbearing criticism?

A disturbed generation?

The ’Do not disturb’ function often serves as a mechanism by which people can cope with the otherwise overwhelming deluge of information flooding their phones. What if, in similar fashion, our young people are trying to silence the heavy issues of their time?

After all, as some have noted, this is the generation which witnessed ‘face-to-face’ meetings being replaced by the often-impersonal screens because of the Covid-19 pandemic; a generation trained in ‘social distancing’. Should we be so surprised that their social skills are not as robust as is healthy? That they prefer not to indulge in small talk. This is the generation that just absorbed the technological developments handed to them under the guise of greater connectivity and efficiency. Having subsequently discovered that greater connection doesn’t necessarily mean greater community, this is the generation that doesn’t really know any another way.

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This is what it means to be a ‘digital native’, you were born into Bluetooth – and WhatsApp, and Facebook, and Instagram, and Snapchat, and Facetime, and Discord, and Tik Tok. They’ve been raised in the age of short-form content and the resulting short attention spans. And yet we expect them to be just as attentive as previous generations? All that access to all that information all the time – the mind suffers. Unsurprisingly therefore, this is a generation well-acquainted with woeful mental health.

maybe the stares and the apathetic body language are signals of distress, hopelessness and an outcry against the ‘false’ starts’ that have been handed down to them

To add insult to injury, and particularly in the UK right now, this is the generation that is confronted by (seemingly) bleak career prospects – a phenomenon occasioned by an education system that is (arguably) struggling to keep up with the technification of the workplace. And even if a job is secured, poor mental health has resulted in workplace absences. Furthermore, the recent trend towards youth club closure – for want of investment – has also contributed to the evolution of a world that has left young people disillusioned with the world of work, and (I’d argue) the way the world works at large. So maybe the stares and the apathetic body language are signals of distress, hopelessness and an outcry against the ‘false’ starts’ that have been handed down to them.

Away from do not disturb

It is not expected that every young person will approach social situations in the same way. Just as there are extroverts, ambiverts and introverts, a mobile phone has loud, vibrate and silent settings. But for reasons above, the perpetual ‘Do not disturb’ disposition is potentially very damaging. So, having appreciated the charged context that young people are negotiating, here are a four practical suggestions for those working with young people that might help young people switch settings:

1. Challenge a ‘Gen Z Stare’ if you meet with one – ask them if they are okay and share your concern for them with them.
2. Pick up on any allusions or references to being ‘nonchalant’ and discuss the pros and cons of such an attitude – especially as concerning relationships – with them.
3. Share Biblical wisdom on careers (Ecclesiastes 9:11; John 4:34; Colossians 4:17; Matthew 6:33) and relationships (Proverbs 3:3-4; Romans 12:15) with them, highlighting God’s ways as the pathway to hope and a rich and satisfying life (Psalm 119:105; John 10:10).
4. Reward and encourage behaviours that are essential in a fast-paced, temperamental, and tech-infused culture – like rest (Genesis 2:2-3; Exodus 16:29; Matthew 11:28), resilience (Proverbs 24:16), and hard work (Proverbs 21:5).