Premier NexGen talks to Bobbi Kumari, whose ministry aims to challenge the lies around sexuality
Premier NexGen: Your book ’Sacred Sexuality: Rewire Your Desire Towards True Intimacy’, sounds like a book for older Christians, but you very much believe that education about sex, desire and intimacy needs to start with teens. Why is this?
Bobbi Kumari: I actually believe educating our children about sex, desire and intimacy is something we should intentionally foster not from teen years - but from birth - because our capacity to be intimate as humans, begins being shaped from the moment we are born (if not before). Therefore healthy, holy intimacy is something that we should role model to our children from their earliest age, by holding them, making eye contact, talking to them with love and letting them see love openly enjoyed in the home. I can’t stress how important it is, in this highly sexualised world that we live in, that our homes are filled with healthy intimacy. If this is already in place, then having wholesome, liberating conversations about sex, with our children throughout their childhood is less taboo, far more natural and provides children with a safe, loving space to ask questions and share their thoughts.
Children are also then far more equipped to resist the lies about gender and sexuality which so often bombard them at increasingly younger ages, whether it’s from media and entertainment, being around older siblings and peers, being in school settings or friendship groups. Having this foundation in place in the home will enable children to be far more discerning when they are faced with counterfeit intimacy because they would have already been personally acquainted with true intimacy as a lifestyle.
PNG: Your story is one of finding a better pathway to understand your sexuality?
BK: Absolutely. My idea of sexuality before I got born again was seduction, promiscuity and a very warped understanding of what I thought sexual freedom looked like. I thought sexual freedom meant being with whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted. The thought of giving up my so called ‘sexual freedom’ to become a Christian was inconceivable for me and so I resisted Jesus for the longest time because I kept focusing on all that I had to LOSE sexually if I were to become a Christian. Yet the more I explored the glorious love and wonderful Word of God I discovered that biblical sexuality is not at all about all that we stand to lose when it comes to our sexual desires and appetites, rather it’s about everything we stand to GAIN! It’s ALL about tapping into God’s best for us. Glorious bliss. True intimacy. True satisfaction. True connection. Peace beyond measure. And the deepest love imaginable. The world simply cannot give us any of these things in its counterfeit version of sex - it can only ultimately offer us sexual disorder in the guise of sex and breed lust, masquerading as love.
Yet looking back, I now understand that the way I stewarded my body before I became a Christian was in fact such an abuse to my beautiful God-fashioned, precious body. Because the truth is that my body and my sexuality are far too glorious to destroy for mere lust. On the contrary, because I am so highly cherished, so worthy beyond measure, my body deserves only the highest, richest, deepest kind of love - and nothing less than that will do. This is the same for all of us. We have been made for the highest kind of love and when we settle for anything less than that we are being deeply shortchanged.
PNG: Many parents are aware that porn is now available via mobile phones and often shared at school. Some teens become addicted. Are parents facing a losing battle?
BK: Yes - if parents just ‘hope’ their children will stay healthy, innocent and unpolluted in this highly sexualised culture that we live in, without intentionally putting things in place to support their children, it is indeed a losing battle for sure. But if parents are willing to educate themselves on biblical sexuality, as well as learn about sexuality and culture and if they can create a culture of intimacy, liberty and openness in their homes where children can ask questions and have healthy conversations around sex then this battle can surely be won. It also of course takes regular prayer over children’s sexuality, over their healthy development, protection and preservation whilst also praying that children will not only be preserved in this highly sexualised culture but they would be so healthy and whole, that they will be a light in the darkness and help those around them also walk in true sexual freedom and wholeness.
PNG: And of course many children are now being asked to consider questions of gender and sexuality even before puberty. It’s a tough thing to navigate?
BK: It’s super tough, yes. Yet the greatest preparation we can equip our children with, as they navigate through these grappling issues and complexities, is for them to grow up with a healthy, liberating understanding of their true identity in God, as well as a deep understanding of the beauty of their God-given gender and sexuality, which are precious gifts from God and therefore so worth stewarding in the most beautiful way, irrespective of cultural norms around them.
PNG: What kind of resources does your ministry have to support Christian parents?
The Sacred Sexuality Book is certainly helpful for parents to read. I am also hosting a very powerful conference called SEXPOSED on 30th March - 1st April where Christians will be super equipped with knowledge and understanding of biblical sexuality and the many issues that Christians face around sexuality in this highly sexualised culture. Many of the sessions are specifically geared towards parents with input from Christian Concern as well as a full day of sessions for children and teens too, for them to also be fully equipped and empowered in their sexuality. It really will be life changing for individuals and well as the whole family. I highly recommend attending it. It’s for those who want to fully understand and embrace all that God has designed and made available for our sexuality, as well as for those who have had enough of the assault on our sexuality, on our children and on our freedoms and want to actually do something about it!
Sexposed: The Conference; 30th March - 1st April www.livinginlight.co.uk/sexposed